Everyday life is entangling. It’s so easy to get caught up in routines and obligations that gradually take over to set the course of your life. It may look goal-directed – make breakfast, get the kids to school, go to work, return home, make dinner, go to bed, repeat the next day – but we know inside that there is no deep purpose to it, no fundamental aim that gives clarity, meaning, and richness. Then life starts to feel hollow, more about getting through than getting to.
Do you bear a grudge? Ill will creates negative, vicious cycles. Rick Hanson, Ph.D. shows you how you can shift your ill will to create positive cycles and cultivate wholesome qualities in yourself.
Knowing your own giving heart – which is usually offered to others – can you extend that heart to yourself?
One of the strangest and most meaningful experiences of my life occurred when I going through Rolfing (ten brilliant sessions of deep-tissue bodywork) in my early 20′s. The fifth session works on the stomach area, and I was anticipating (= dreading) the release of buried sadness. Instead, there was a dam burst of love, which poured out of me during the session and afterward. I realized it was love, not sadness, that I had bottled up in childhood – and what I now needed to give and express.
Most people know their less than wonderful qualities, such as too much ambition (or too little), a weakness for wine or cookies, something of a temper, or an annoying tendency to rattle on about pet interests. We usually know when we make mistakes, get the facts wrong, could be more skillful, or deserve to feel remorseful.
Recall a time someone mistreated you, let you down, dropped the ball, made an error, spoke harshly, was unskillful, got a fact wrong, or affected you negatively even if that was not their intention. (This is what I mean, very broadly, under the umbrella heading of “fault.”) If the person refuses to admit fault, how do you feel? Probably dismayed, frustrated, uneasy, distanced, less willing to trust, and more defensive yourself. The interaction – and even the relationship – gets stuck on the unadmitted fault and is shadowed, dragged down, and constrained as a result.
When we take care of the basics, everything else usually takes care of itself.
In this video, Rick Hanson explains how we can boost our positive emotions and positive experiences. This video was taken at the Greater Good Science Center in UC Berkeley as part of the Science of a Meaningful Life Series.
Listen to Vividlife Radio on Blog Talk RadioCALL IN TOLL-FREE in North America 1-877-572-4270 or 1-646-200-3448 Rick Hanson is a neuropsychologist who has written and taught extensively about the essential…
Yes, there are real threats out there, but evolution and other factors have left a lot of us walking around in a kind of paranoid trance. I’ve been there myself, and the results include feeling less peaceful and hopeful, and more worried and cranky, than is right.
On the one hand, as the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love. On the other hand, we also have the capacity and inclination to be fearfully aggressive toward any individual or group we regard as “them.”
Empathy is in our bones. For example, infants will cry at the tape-recorded sound of other infants crying but not at a recording of their own cries. And speaking of crying, as adults, our tear glands will automatically start producing tears when we hear the crying of others, even if we have no sense of tearing up ourselves.
I heard a story once about a Native American elder who was asked how she had become so wise, so happy, and so respected. She answered: “In my heart, there are two wolves: a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. It all depends on which one I feed each day.”
How did we evolve the most loving brain on the planet? Humans are the most sociable species on earth – for better and for worse. On the one hand, we…
Scientists believe that your brain has a built-in “negativity bias.” In other words, as we evolved over millions of years, dodging sticks and chasing carrots, it was a lot more…
How much change in the brain makes a difference in the mind? That’s the issue raised by a very interesting comment regarding my previous blog, The Brain in a Bucket.…
Have you ever seen a real brain? I remember the first time I saw one, in a neuropsych class: the instructor put on rubber gloves to protect against the formaldehyde…
Feeling safer is a tricky subject, with complications that can be both personal and political. Yes, there are real threats out there, but evolution and other factors have left a…
What can you actually affect? The Practice Why? In a groundbreaking series of studies in the 1960’s and 1970’s, Martin Seligman and colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania showed that…
Tune in LIVE on Wednesday, January 13th at 2 pm EST on VividLife Radio. Rick Hanson is a neuropsychologist who has written and taught extensively about the essential inner skills…
Shortly after everyone had signed the Declaration of Independence, one of those present is believed to have said: “Gentlemen, we must hang together now. Or we will all hang separately!”…