You’re Not Really Waiting For Recognition
We live now in a ‘Reality’ of Ritualised Rejection and Recognition.
Last Week…..she knots her fingers around her coffee cup, shrugs, hauls up a shy courageous smile from the vault of her guts. “I’m just waiting for recognition” she says, “waiting to feel like my gifts have been seen.” “No you’re not” I reply, “nobody is waiting.”……..
Twelve Years Ago…..the talking stick finally arrives into my hands, my eyes thread the circle of fifty plus faces, trying to take it in. “I’m terrified of you all seeing who I really am, you’ll realise I’m tainted deep down, and won’t want anything to do with me anymore.” I weep. Then I laugh.
Over and Over Again….they listen to the praise and smile. But until Simon Cowell tells them they’re good enough, it doesn’t seem real. If he says he likes them, they break. If he presses the Golden Buzzer, it’s hard for them to contain how they feel.
Over and Over Again…..I listen to people waiting for that Golden Buzzer from up high in some kind of heaven. That specific audience, acceptance, award. That magic number of views, shares, sales, seats. That Golden Letter officially declaring: “Yes, you can do this. You are good enough. You deserve a place in the spotlight.”
Over and Over Again…..I listen to the voices in me believing I need the same things.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting……..
In our ‘Reality’ now Rejection and Recognition are globally broadcast rituals, sanctioned by our own witnessing, made solid as air by our own feeding of the stories. Walls. Borders. Votes. Some of us belong, some parts of us belong……
If you have a great singing voice, you should become ‘a singer.’
If you have a message you believe in you should become ‘a teacher.’
It’s not enough now until the ‘world’ is watching. And so we’ve become a world where almost everybody loses, so a handful of people can ‘win.’
Instead of everyone singing together, as humans have for countless millennia, we listen to the chosen few. Those with ‘great voices’ must struggle to become chosen. Thousands and thousands will lose. A handful will win keys to a kingdom, queendom, queerdom, that turns out to be empty, because being special means being alone.
Meanwhile, where is the collective singing our ragged hearts call for?
Instead of everyone remembering wisdom together as best as can, we consume more and more chosen faces and voices telling us what to do……and why would we live our truth, why would we practice, if it’s lonely, one more thing on our shameful to-do list, instead of a coming-and-sharing-together, reaching out, being vulnerable, having our faces seen?
Better read one more book, watch one more video. Wait for recognition.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting…….
We’d need 144,000 extra planets just to clap, share and pay us to be special………
Lacking ecstatic community, lacking cleansing shared grief, lacking seeing and being seen enough, holding and being held enough, we buy the story:
’Maybe, if I become amazing enough, if I help enough people, entertain enough people, maybe if I grab enough attention I’ll feel loved enough that this crazy hunger will subside.”
Playing the game of chasing recognition from whatever imaginary ‘inner circle’ we use to feel excluded, we’re terrified of never being special enough to belong inside……..
‘Reality TV’ is a symbolic realm, where people are banished from ‘Reality’ simply for not being loved the ‘most’, for not baking the ‘best’ cake, singing the ‘best’ song. If you’re banished from ‘Reality’ you symbolically die.
Waiting for recognition.
Waiting for recognition.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
No, you’re not. I’m not. No one is.
The truth is, we’ve already been offered more recognition than we could need in infinite lifetimes. Almost all of us at least.
And we’ve blocked it, denied it, shrugged it away, fobbed it onto someone else, forgotten it. Because it didn’t fit our story.
“Oh they’re just saying that because they know me…”
“Oh, that doesn’t count because…….”
“Oh, they think I’m great, but if they knew the real me…”
“Oh, they’re really seeing me, that’s uncomfortable, better change the topic, look away, move on….”
“Wow, they’re really clapping, better clap back, clap at colleagues, breathe shallow, wave it away…”
Don’t let it in. Don’t let it in. Don’t let it in. Don’t let it in. Don’t let it in.
It’s not really real until the Golden Buzzer goes. Why do people swoon so much over Simon Cowell’s praise? Because he withholds it so much. We equate hard to get with better. The one person, the one group who doesn’t seem to love us, love our stuff, we focus our energy on winning them over. It’s the perfect mechanism for addiction.
Winning over the ones who don’t care, who may never care. Fighting for the keys to an empty kingdom, queendom, queerdom all of our own.
All the while, missing out on the real republic of heaven around us. The recognition of real people, the living breathing ones with us in that moment. Who are fed by what we offer, who love us regardless, the shining strangers. More appreciation than our bodies can even handle, like a 144,000 shots of raw cacao.
The world of personal growth is infected with the same unconscious paradigm as ‘Reality’ TV and all consumer capitalism. And suffers from the same infinite scarcity. By definition, only the tiniest fraction of people can become wealthy and well-known. By definition almost everyone loses. By definition almost everyone symbolically dies…….
By nature, every human being is gifted and wise. Underneath our traumas and delusions, we all have more to give than we could ever imagine. By nature, every human partakes fully in the republic of heaven, giving and receiving in perfect circulation, a perpetual motion machine of togetherness weaving beauty and meeting all needs…….
What kind of world do we create when we try to live our gifts from a deep down feeling of ‘not good enough, don’t have enough’? We create the fucked up, collapsing world we live in now…….
What kind of world do we create when we live our gifts from a deep down feeling of ‘together we are whole, together we have everything, together all things are possible’? The gorgeous, terrifying, hoping ache of a world we live in now……..
Stop scanning the horizon for whatever violent seductive form your Golden Buzzer currently hides behind. Stop chasing recognition for the wounds you wear like medallions, stop chasing recognition for the beauty you hoard inside like a starving lost thing……
……Practice letting the real love and recognition in. Look people in the eyes longer, breathe past your head, into the chest, the gut, your crotch, your feet. Breathe into the places you hide. Let the pure energy of life circulate freely into you and out of you. Practice remembering you are always already a moving part of this life……..
True recognition only comes when we show our true face.
Strengthen your circuits for giving and receiving.
Let us see you, the exquisite open-ended creature you really are. Let us see your real face, welcome you home again.
And yes, I’m also talking to myself, always.