I Want the God Damn Peanut Butter Toast

Picture taken of me by Empty Cup Media

I won’t be the first person to ask this question and I certainly won’t be the last.

What’s it all for?

Why do we wake up in the morning and do what we do, choose the people that surround us, live where we live, eat what we eat, and work where we work?

Really why do we do it?

Have you really ever stopped to ask yourself? Does it even matter to you?

Cause it really matters to me and for some reason, for the majority of my life I have been so far away from asking myself this question it’s scary.

Odd eh? (I’m Canadian forgive me)

I’ve always had this strange feeling that I didn’t belong where I was, that I was here for something but couldn’t figure out why, that the current education system wasn’t meant for me, that working for corporations wasn’t meant for me, that living in a big house with rooms that no one sits in wasn’t for me and that having kids that I would one day try to manipulate into doing everything that I wasn’t able to do wasn’t for me.

I felt and still feel an alien in this world.

So what’s it all for?

Why am I here?

What entity has it out for me?

I seriously wish I fucking knew, but after being to workshop upon workshop, reading dozens of self-help books, watching, listening and exploring every possible thing I could, wondering when someone was going to say the one thing that would spark something inside me that would help me remember why I was here.

Or maybe it’s just random.

Who knows, but it fucking hurts sometimes. Really bad. And it sucks even more to watch everyone around you go through the same thing.

For seven years I have been submersed in the world of Spirituality and Self-Help and believe me. No one in that world has it figured out either. Some think they do and will charge you a hefty price to pass it on. But they don’t know a thing. They’re all just trying to figure it out too. The blind leading the blind.

They left their corporate jobs because, like me, they felt they were being called to something higher, they thought they’ve found that higher place in Spirituality or Self- Help, got wrapped up in the business of it all and eventually crashed.

They can’t keep up with having a radio show, three books that basically say the same thing, four different tele-summits, traveling the world from hotel to hotel speaking about the same thing over and over again to an audience that’s just as lost as they are.

You know the gig and if you don’t I’m sure you will figure it out sooner or later.

It’s no different than any other system out there. It’s a system. A system of ideologies and beliefs that someone made up and convinced everyone else that it was ‘the way”

But what’s it all for?

Why are they doing it?

But more importantly…

Why are we doing it?

Do you know?

If you do I would love to hear you answers in the comments below.

As for my answer. Well. I think sometimes I have it figured out and then something comes along that challenges that. So here’s what’s working for me right now.

That I get up every day with a smile on my face. In gratitude (I struggled with what this even meant for years, I heard it but didn’t feel it) that I have another chance.

When I look outside and see a grey day I look beside me and see my husband of eighteen years (18 years together, 5 months married) and am grateful I found my soul mate. I feel the warmth of my dogs Mr. Anderson and Oliver underneath the blankets and know that at least something in this life loves me unconditionally.

And then some panic sets in. My dogs are going to die. I have to go outside in that cold. Sit by myself behind this computer all day and it goes on and on and on the story of doom and gloom in my head and all the reason I should be ungrateful and afraid. There are so many and our minds will just keep creating more and more.

But I’ve been able to get a grip on this from time to time and when I practice this (I’m not gonna say everything is all sunshine and roses but for the most part I feel somewhat content. At least until three o’clock when the caffeine wears off lol):

1. Get a good night’s rest. At least eight hours. When I do I feel more alive and ready to take on the world. I know this has been proven somewhere. I think Arianna Huffington is creating a whole movement around it. Check it out!
2. Start the morning with something you love. Whether it’s a strawberry banana smoothie, pancakes or peanut butter toast. Make sure it’s what you love and not what some health guru told you was best. Living the life you love, with the food you want to eat is what truly matters. Believe me I’ve been through enough diets and listened to so many health nuts tell me what to eat and none of it worked for me. What works for me is to listen to what my body wants and today it wants the god damn peanut butter toast lol.
3. Move, get up and move! If I don’t immediately get up and start doing something I could seriously spend the whole day behind this computer either in my dining room chair or in bed and let me tell you it kills you. Sitting is like the new cancer. And my body has started to feel the effects. So get up and move, but again not at some fad exercise program, or mindlessly running on the treadmill if that’s not what you like to do. Do the movement that calls every ounce of your soul. Whether that’s taking a walk, doing yoga, or playing with the dogs. Just get a move on it.
4. Make time in your day to spend time with people. Connection is sooooooo important. Many of us spend so much time behind our computers, and we talk to people, but that’s not real connection. We need to physically be in the presence of others. We need the energy to fill us up. So call up your mom, your best friend, or anyone who fills you up and make a point to at least share a coffee with them. Daily.
5. Get outside in nature. Nature heals. Believe me I know. And if you live somewhere where it’s difficult to do than at least make sure you stand on your balcony and take in some fresh air. It crucial. Not only does your body need the sunlight but your mind needs the break. SO DO IT. Snap out of your damn zombie state. Walk through the resistance and DO IT! That applies to all the above and below too!
6. Drink Water. There is an ongoing joke between my husband and I. Every time I say I’m not feeling well or have a lack of energy he says “You’re dehydrated” and although I am most often saying in my head “yah, yah, yah” he’s right. Cause I just drank 5 coffees and sat at my computer working for 4 hours without a single drink and you probably do it too. So set an alarm on your phone to remind you to drink. It works. And I’m sure if you google it there’s research out there that proves it. I just don’t have the time to do it for you cause I’m writing this long ass blog for you which is really for myself lol.
7. Spend some time meditating. Whatever that looks like for you. It doesn’t have to mean sitting cross legged on some expensive pillow with incense burning. If that’s your thing, work it. But if it’s not than do what is. For me I combine it with number 5. Nature. Just being in nature sets me straight, we’ll not quite straight lol. But balances me at least till someone comes a long and tips the scale.
8. Help people. I find that when I help people it really helps me. One, cause I just love connecting with people and helping guide them and maybe pass on a few words of wisdom while reminding myself in the process. And two, because I like to help people. I personally believe that we are all connected anyway. So what I do for someone I do for the whole and of course I’m part of the whole.
9. Be creative. After all the whole of what we are is creation. The universe on a grand scale as well as ourselves on a smaller scale on constantly creating. Creation is life and I know myself when I am not either thinking about or actually creating something I go bat shit crazy. So find what you love to create and create. It doesn’t have to be attached to money, it can be but it doesn’t have to be. Just do it for the love of creating.
10. Work on yourself. Ask yourself what you want to overcome and make it your priority too (after you’ve had your coffee with someone you love, eaten your peanut butter toast, drank some water, meditated and helped someone and gone for a walk in nature of course), in baby steps of course, overcome it. For me I have always had a deep love of nature but also a deep fear of being attacked by wild animals. So I kinda broke my own ‘baby step’ rule, went to South Africa and camped in the wild. Crazy eh? But now I’m free from that. Y’all don’t have to camp with Lions but I’m sure you get my point.
11. And last, at least until everything changes and I figure out more of what works, at least for me. BE OF SERVICE somehow and TAKE AN EXCHANGE FOR IT. Money is our currency on earth so make it rain. Cause when you make it rain for you, you create a ripple effect of abundance. So stop believing what lame ass teachings got you holding yourself hostage for taking money for helping and take it. If you don’t you’re actually doing a bigger disservice to yourself and the rest of us for that matter.

So after that long winded (for lack of ideas on what else to call it) rant. I didn’t answer my original question which was…

What’s it all for?

Cause I seriously don’t have the answer. All I know is what keeps me ticking.

So until I figure it out I’m just gonna keep sharing what works for me and hope it guides you closer to what works for you.

By the way I don’t do things formally like everyone else. I don’t have or wish to have an editor for my musings. I’m really bad with grammar so no need for you to tell me in the comments below. For me language is a means for understanding not perfection.

But that’s just me. You go on doing things your way and I’ll do them mine. That’s what makes us who we are and let’s just love that about each other.

You got this,

Shayne