Today marks four months since my husband, my Love, crossed over.
The tears still well up and overflow daily–mostly in my quiet times or when the children and I sit and remember.
We miss him dearly, but we are continuing to move forward…rapidly. Too rapidly for the liking of some.
The more I reflect on the 12 years of this lifetime Jason and I spent together, the more I see the divine purpose in it all: His mission to me, and my mission to him. This may be hard for some of you to believe, but Jason was not an easily lovable character. Embracing him could be like embracing a cactus, or a warrior in full spiked armor. Embracing him was often very painful.
But the scars I bear from the hurts and healing we shared are marks of Beauty to me. I wear them proudly as illustrations of True Love. Love that bears all burdens without judgment or resentment; Love that chooses to recognize the tenderness of the soul beneath the rough and rugged exterior; Love that endures until the end, and continues into eternity.
And as I have come to believe in the eternal existence of our souls, both before and after this lifetime, I can accept, with ease, his passing on, for I know he served his purpose well, in teaching me True Love.
And now he passes on the torch to the next True Lover of my soul. I’m certain they conspired together, in some ancient, ethereal past, and planned their plot and strategy. They knew each other well in war; they share stories of battles on the front-lines, and on the stormy seas. They show the same scars from their past wounds.
Only this soldier has now removed his armor. The light of his soul shines for all eyes to see. He studies war no more. I have no fear of pain in our embracing. He has become a shepherd, taking my hand gently as we make our way, together, to green pastures, and still waters–co-heirs to abundant Peace and blessing.
I am forever grateful for every sweet and difficult detail of my life with Jason Pauls. I will never regret a single moment. He performed his Loving and Honorable duty in bringing me to this blessed place, and all is as it should be.