I remember living in lack.
When I was 16 I got arrested for shop lifting. And trust me, I wasn’t a kid that needed to be shop lifting. I mean sure my Mom was a single parent, I didn’t have all the money I wanted to spend on frivolous things, but I certainly didn’t need to shop lift for prom jewelry. But I did.
When I think back on it now, I realize I was living in lack. I felt entitled. Like because others had it I should too. No matter what it took. I stole money from my Moms purse. I stole make up, jewelry (until I got caught) and beer or any alcohol. I was heading down a slippery slope of bad choices that was most likely leading to a lot of drunken debauchery and more poor choices.
I don’t have a really low rock bottom story. I know many do. Luckily my rock bottom was more gradual. I started getting sick and tired of being sick and tried. I didn’t like the feeling of lack. And the blame that seemed to come along with it. I blamed my family. My friends. My circumstances. My town. My siblings. My loss. My drama. I blamed alcohol, sports, men, society, public schools and God. They were ALL to blame for my life spiraling downward.
Until they weren’t. For me there came a time in my life when I woke up. I woke up to my abundance. To my potential. to my power. I started to slowly realize that I created my reality. When I focused on something, positive or negative, I created it. Whatever I gave attention to I saw more of. It was beautiful. And scary.
If I wanted to get a part in a play. I just walked around as if I already had it. And I always got it. If I feared that I wasn’t enough, that always played out. If I felt desirable, I had men beating down my door. If I felt like a looser, no one would call. Simple for a college kid. But wow, profound. Because if this was true I couldn’t live my life in lack. If this was really working why would I focus on what I DON’T want?
I remember a day when I made a life changing decision. I went to bed one night, and decided that tomorrow I would focus only on what I wanted. I’d seen enough proof. I knew that I created my reality. Although it seemed like no one else knew this but me, and I hadn’t yet found the 10 million books on the subject, I was still ready. The next morning, I took my favorite rock that I had found on a very glamorous trip to Indianapolis. I went down to a small river near my school and I had a little ritual. That rock signified all the crap and drama that I’d been living. All the terrible thoughts that took me down a road of lack and misery. And I cried. I cried over the tough situations I’d put myself in. I cried to forgive myself. But I also cried because I knew this would lead to a happier, healthier more positive life. And I thew the rock into the river.
Then I felt a little silly. 20 years old, wearing a sweat suit. Standing near a river crying over the life I want. And I went back to my dorm room. And started living in abundance.
It was a pretty simple but again profound shift. My mantra then…”What DO I want?” I constantly reframed my thoughts. What DO I want? What DO I want? What DO I want? And it worked. I continued to focus on what I wanted. I spoke only about what I wanted. I thought only about what I wanted. And I took action only on what I wanted. And my life changed. Pretty fast. I got the audition. I got the guy. I got the job. I got the grades. I got the friendships, the deeper connections, the health I wanted, the social life I wanted, the experiences I wanted. Now THIS was fun.
A vivid life of abundance is available to ALL of us. I believe it’s our birthright. Ive lived both sides of the coin. Pretty dramatically. And believe me, it’s much better in the light. I have created EVERYTHING I’ve EVER wanted in my life, by focusing on what I want. By safe guarding my happiness. By shifting my mindset and focusing on the good in my life. On the abundance. On the love. On the flow. On the beauty. On the vivid life that I always wanted and now have.
Come join me in the light. The waters warm.