To lose her child must be the most painful experience for a mother.
How can life go on ?
The questions are many.
A short while ago we met a remarkable lady. Her name can not be mentioned, because she has an upcoming law case regarding her birth.
She went through a tragic birth experience where she lost her daughter. She had to go through the process of mourning and grief. Many times she was thinking: “ What if..? “
We have a Fan-page called Conscious Parenting on Facebook.
One day she commented a post regarding birth. From then on we developed a strong and deep connection – we got to know each other.
We asked her how she felt about our message to the world, about conscious parenting. The reason for us asking her this question was that we are posting many pictures in order to activate feelings in our readers. The pictures are warm, and the intention is to create a longing for those with children, but who has forgotten their natural instincts.
Therefore, when we read her story ,we were suddenly afraid that our pictures could activate grief instead of encouragement.
With loving words she told us that she supported our mission completely , and needless to say we were very relieved and happy to hear that.
Our friend has made an awesome video about herself and how she transformed this extremely painful experience into an awakening and how she again was able to find joy in her life.
Dear friend, you have inspired us in every way. You have experienced every parent’s worst nightmare. Nevertheless you are shining brighter than the sun – and to reach this point requires insight, forgiveness, acceptance and understanding. How did you experience the birth process?
Answer: The best word to describe my birth experience would be ‘traumatic’. It is an experience I cannot forget and yet there are parts of it that I wish I could. I was given the drug Cytotec to induce my labor. After a second dose was administered, my contractions became extremely powerful and violent. It felt as though they were on top of each other. My uterus tore in two places and my daughter Meah died as a result of that tear. I almost bled to death and I was told that I should never attempt to have another child, that doing so could put my life in danger.
Did the hospital inform you about the dangers and the side-effects from the medications? What kind of information did they give?
Answer: I was never told about the risks of the drug Cytotec, or that it specifically warned against the use on pregnant women for induction of labor on its label. I was never told that it could cause uterine ruptures, fluid embolisms, fetal and/or maternal death.
Which choices did you have – were there any holistic alternatives?
Answer: Where I live, I don’t know of anyone that births at home or has a more holistic birthing experience. Everyone I know births in hospital. My doctor suggested that I induce my labor because there was a chance that my baby might be too big. She said that inducing earlier would most likely make delivering easier. She said that a smaller baby might prevent tearing and the possibility for a c-section would be lessened because the baby would be smaller. I did not want to have a c-section and so I trusted my doctor and against my better knowing I agreed. I remember the feeling I felt deep within when I agreed. Something told me that I should not listen to my doctor but I didn’t trust that voice. The days before the induction, I felt doom… I felt sadness that I would not go into natural labor but I didn’t honor my feelings, I didn’t value my inner wisdom.
How did the health professionals react when things went wrong?
Answer: I was told that my daughter’s elbow most likely tore my uterus. I was told that I was very lucky to have survived, that my uterus was most likely weak and had I not been in hospital… I could have ruptured in my sleep and died. Everyone stressed the fact that my uterus must have had a weak spot. When I made a request to see my records, the last two hours of my fetal monitor strips were missing. To this day, they’ve never been found.
How do you feel about them now?
Answer: I feel sad!!! I feel frustrated by the system and also let down. There was nothing wrong with my uterus… I had a perfectly healthy unscarred uterus. A baby’s elbow does not tear your uterus. I have good reason to believe that the use of Cytotec combined with the fact that my doctor was negligent led to the death of my daughter and my near death experience.
Could things have been done differently at the birth clinic– do you think a lot about “ what if…” ?
Answer: I constantly think of the what if’s… Without a doubt things could have been done differently. To begin with, there was absolutely no good reason to induce me. I was healthy and my baby was healthy. She was by no means ‘too big’. She was less than 8 pounds. I should have been told about the risks of Cytotec and I should have been told the risks of inducing. I believe that far too many women today are induced. We see how the rate of c-sections has increased. I cannot help but wonder if doctors today induce because it is convenient for them to do so.
Do you feel that this has been an awakening for you – and if you do – in what way ?
Answer: Without a doubt this has been an awakening. There is no pain like the pain of loosing a child and I don’t want any mother or father to have to go through what we went through. I realize the importance of listening to your body, trusting that inner voice and disagreeing with the doctor if you don’t feel right about the way they take control of your birthing experience. I wish I had researched and learned for myself what the better alternatives might have been. I wish that I had educated myself and asked more questions.
In what way do you look at life now?
Answer: I believe that my daughter came into this life with great purpose… I see each and every day as precious and sacred. I realize how important it is for me to speak and share my story with others so that women take back their power to birth with dignity… so that they trust their bodies and their ability to manage their pain. I hope that women can embrace the birthing process and experience it with appreciation and love instead of fear and doubt.
Do you have other children ?
Answer: I have three beautiful boys. My son was only 4 when his sister died. Our second son was born via gestational surrogacy because we were told I could never have a child myself, that doing so could kill me. The thought of ever being pregnant again terrified me. I wanted it but doubted I could do it. However, I did become pregnant again. I was told to abort the pregnancy because my uterus had been so badly damaged there would be a high risk that I would re-rupture! I did not listen to that doctor. I continued with my pregnancy and delivered my son 6 weeks early. I lived in the hospital for 6 weeks. No aspect of that pregnancy was holistic. I feel very sad about that but I feel blessed that I got to feel life within me again after I was told that I should never be pregnant again.
To be continued…