I have been struggling with a loss of a relationship that lasted nine years. It ended in betrayal and really no answers as to why or what I did wrong. I’m still in love with this person. I lost my lover, my companion and my best friend. No matter what I do I can’t get over this.
What can I do? Two years of grief, loss and pain is unbearable. The pain has robbed me of many joyful feelings. I have three wonderful new grandchildren and when I’m with them I’m in bliss but then I go home to an empty place the loneliness is too much to bear. Please help. – Still Hurting
Dear Still Hurting,
Sometimes we have partners who betray us. It’s lousy, it’s painful and no matter what answers you may have been denied or even given, the betrayal is theirs to own not yours to endure forever. You don’t know why you were betrayed, but what you do know is it happened and you cannot change it.
You have been feeling and living with the abandonment for two years. When will you allow yourself to no longer suffer for their deeds?
Is the fact that you feel alone when you go home after your joyful time with your grandchildren a result of an empty house or trying to revive the past? Your ex will not be there waiting for you, but the comfort, love and joy you can enjoy from a pet greeting you at the door can do wonders for your homecomings. Giving comfort to an animal can be one of the most nurturing and needed experiences you can have right now.
Have you started dating yet? Make sure you look at all new potential partners as just that—new. They are not your ex so give them a chance to show you how to feel great again.
People come into our lives for a reason and for a season. Our lives are full of seasonal cycles. Allow yourself to let spring and summer into your life. You have been stuck in winter too long.
The choice is yours now. After two years, it’s time to let go. And perhaps you should see a coach or a therapist to learn the root of why you are holding on so tightly to the end, rather than acknowledging what was good with the ex, and what can be good again.
Two books I would recommend you read are:
Back from Betrayal by Jeniffer Schneider, M.D.
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous by the Augustine Fellowship
I hope this helps you move past the loss and into your new life – with hope and joy!