I hear it all the time, “It’s been like this forever”, as if it will never change. Two people, in a relationship, too fixed, too old, too tired, to be different. So, things stay the same, except they don’t. The truth is there is no such thing as stasis in a relationship. Even it seems nothing is changing, the relationship itself will follow the progression of the trend. In other words, if you are dissatisfied today and nothing changes, you will wake up a year from now, and you will be even more dissatisfied. If you are bored, and nothing happens to shift it, the boredom will grow until it consumes you. A lifeless relationship will suck the life out of both people and you’re left with a very black and white landscape of loneliness, together.
I used to think the longer things were a certain way the longer it usually took to shift them. However, I no longer believe that. Why? Because I’ve seen things shift on a dime, long standing things change overnight. It can be instantaneous. I’ve seen relationships fall completely apart in an hour. I watched couples heal a marriage on the brink of divorce in a moment of truth, literally a moment.
As fast as you can make a decision everything can be over, or completely renewed.
If your relationship is in a rut you can change it. You aren’t stuck. It can be different. You can get up tomorrow and be different than you are today. Will that change the other person? Maybe, maybe not. But YOU being different will change your relationship, it has to.
You can change your thoughts.
You can change your perspective.
You can tell a different story.
You can have a real conversation.
You can show up naked.
You have the power.
Things are the way the are because you are the way you’ve always been. You can be different.
Don’t put your happiness or your satisfaction on hold waiting for someone else to change. Don’t make your spouse responsible for your passion. Don’t let your love get stale, or all together rotten while you’re too disconnected to do anything about it. Doing something, anything, do everything you can. Why? Because trust me, it’s easier than divorce. Breaking up is very, hard to do. Harder than you probably think it would be.
If you don’t know what to do, get help, but in the end it’s incredibly simple. If you want things in your relationship to be better, you will have to be different than you are now. Ask yourself one question. Am I willing to be the change in my marriage?