In the personal development and spiritual communities there is a consensus that self talk, that inner dialog, has a tremendous amount of impact on your life. In fact, some would go so far as to say your inner dialog creates your experience in it’s entirety. The outer dialog however, may have even more impact. Some cultures believe the spoken word weaves a spell. At the very least, the spoken word channels energy and directs attention and energy flows where attention goes.
In relationships being a deliberate creator of your own reality can feel a little tricky. In a very literal way you are co-creating a relationship with another person. Finding ways to partner your energy and intention with the energy and intention of another person can make a relationship a dream come true. However, if your intentions are scattered, if you aren’t on the same page, relationships can become of one life’s greatest challenges, literally a living hell. This is where the power of the spoken word can be a magical tool you can use in any situation with your partner to engage your co-creation deliberately.
The cool thing about the spoken word is we are speaking all the time. So, this is really easy. Basically, whatever you’d like to create more of in your relationship, find as many ways as you can to engage your partner about that subject in conversation. If you want more intimacy and sex, talk about sex more. If you want more time spent together, talk about how much you enjoy the time you have. If you want more spontaneity talk about spontaneous things you’ve noticed. I’m not suggesting making any of this a serious discussion. These aren’t intended to be big, heavy, problem solving discussions. I’m talking about light easy conversations about any given subject.
So, often in relationships people spend a lot of time talking about what’s going wrong and all the things that need fixing. There is a place for that kind of communication in relationship. However, it doesn’t take long before that type of talk takes over a relationship. The spoken word carries energy. It takes on momentum and when it’s negative, that’s a kind of momentum you do not want in your relationships. You can tell how the energy in your relationship is trending by simply noticing what you talk about most frequently.
I’ve often said, only half jokingly to a lot of couples the key to a happy marriage is to talk more about sex than money. Why? Because money is a very hot button issue that many couples spend a lot of time fighting over. Sex creates intimacy and bonding. What do you want more of, intimacy or conflict? However, if you want more financial abundance in your relationship you would want to spend more time talking about wealth and financial freedom than fighting over bills.
Words are a magic wand you can wave over your relationships. Conversation where two people are engaged in weaving that spell, so to speak, is even more powerful. If you really believed you had a magic wand, you’d be mindful about how you used it. No one wants to be careless with magic. So, don’t just choose your words carefully, choose your subjects carefully and let the magic begin.