The world is ready for a new paradigm of parenting. Our children are thirsty for it.
The old model of the parent-child relationship is dated. Parental dominance and hierarchy create a sense of separation between ourselves and our children. Our children in turn internalize this separation and project it onto the world around them. This is why our world has begun to look the way it does.
Union needs to replace divisiveness. Mutuality instead of rivalry. Oneness instead of separation.
It all begins in the parent-child relationship.
It is only when we dip beneath the traditional notions of what it means to be a parent that we will be afforded a glimpse of how we can truly create oneness with our children. To do this we need to understand the spiritual significance of why we became parents and more importantly, why our children came to us.
The spiritual purpose we became parents is to grow and transform. Specifically, to learn how to get in touch with those parts of ourselves that we have forgotten, discover where we have been wounded, and commit to new ways of being and living.
The reason parenting allows one of the most powerful opportunities to do this is because our children are able to be mirror our soul in a way few others can. They reflect back our light and our shadow in a manner that is incomparable. Because of their symbiosis and dependence on us, this mirror is particularly clear. While with others we can always say, “this person is like this or that because of his or her parents,” with our children the spotlight always turns to us.
Unless we look at the others’ in our lives, particularly our children, as the mirrors of our own spiritual development or un-development, we will not be able to use relationships as platforms for growth. As Michael Jackson said in the ‘Man in the Mirror’,
“I’m starting with the man in the mirror,
I’m asking him to change his ways,
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself,
And then make a change”
Once we realize that we became parents to learn a new spiritual language, we begin to understand why it is our children came to us. They too came to their parents – us – to learn how to become more whole. It is the interaction we both share with each other that makes us both aware of all that we yet have to learn together.
Once this paradigm is adopted, the axis of the relationship shifts. Although we adopt the role of the “more powerful” one and definitely need to maintain this responsibility in terms of our children’s material care and concerns, our relationship now transcends the material.
Parent and child are now truly each other’s spiritual teachers and students. Each giving and receiving in a mutually reciprocal manner. There is no greater-than or lesser-than. Only oneness.
Once we tap into this sacred togetherness, we immediately become appreciative of the other’s role in our lives. We are indebted to our teachers. We begin to carry this sense of gratitude and uniting force within. This is what we project to the world without.
This new paradigm has the power to create a shift in every family.
No more illusions of power or control. Instead, only kinship and deep connection.
Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, New York. Dr. Shefali was exposed to Eastern philosophy at an early age and integrates its teachings with Western psychology. It is this blend of East and West that allows her to reach a global audience, and establishes her as one of a kind in the field of mindfulness psychology. Dr. Shefali has worked with a varied demographic: survivors of the Tsunami, women from economically disadvantaged countries, inner city youth, suburban families, and corporate leaders. She lectures extensively on Mindful Living and Conscious Parenting around the world and currently has a private psychotherapy practice in New York city. Her first book, “It’s a Mom: What you should know about the early years of motherhood” debuted on the Indian bestseller list for four weeks. “The Conscious Parent” is her second book. http://www.globalid.com/