READ: Wabi Sabi Love by Edie Weinstein

What if there was a guide to prevailing over the potential pitfalls and perils of the relationship journey that felt like a friendly hand to assist you in maneuvering the myriad mudholes?  Today is your lucky day, if you are discovering Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships. Written by  Arielle Ford, author of  The Soulmate Secret, it speaks to the challenges we face regardless of the longevity and form of relationship. It could as easily (as I have discovered) apply to parent child or platonic relationship as romantic partnership, although that was Ford’s intention in writing about  “the ancient Japanese art form that finds beauty and perfection in imperfection. Wabi Sabi honors that which is imperfect, impermanent and incomplete. It finds beauty in most things modest, humble and unconventional.”

I laughed when I first saw the words many years ago, and my mind immediately went to wasabi.  In my many ways, wabi sabi can emulate the spicy radish that enhances food AND has a strong, eye watering kick to it, much like the perfectly imperfect aspects of relationship can do both.

The Wabi Sabi concept came to Arielle’s attention  two decades earlier when she glimpsed a  black and white photograph of an Asian urn with what looked at first glance like a damaging crack running through it. Rather than being masked, it was glorified with gallery lighting. It made no sense to her Western mind at the time. As she further explored the idea that beauty takes varied forms, she discovered that our seemingly broken places hold treasures.

Ford reveals that when this powerful idea is  applied to their interactive dynamics, people were able to work through otherwise daunting challenges. Relationships are complicated and the individuals in them, no less so. We carry our baggage, beliefs and habits into them and a brave partner will help us unpack and peruse, with a willing heart.

So many people find boundaries challenging. She gives examples that differentiate between accepting the unacceptable (such as abuse of any kind)  and behaviors that may dissipate in the light of love and trust that all will work out. There are several couples  referenced in the book that gave each other latitude which resulted in profound healing.

Naked honesty about her own areas of vulnerability were stepping stones toward creating the relationship of her dreams and desires with her soulmate Brian Hilliard. Prior to meeting Brian, she had an eye opening discovery. It was one of those life changing, pivotal moments during which a man with whom she was on a date said to her ” You are one tough and powerful woman, and I’ll bet you scare the shit out of most men.” What had served her in the business realm was not an enhancement in the area of romance. As a result, she learned to balance the yang with the yin.

She and Brian found early on, that beyond the fairy tale image of happily ever after, there were specific differences in world view and lifestyle. Somehow they are able to meet in the middle and find common ground. One such variation is Brian’s passion for basketball that felt at first like totally foreign territory for Arielle. She learned to love it, as she loves him. Another is their different work styles. While Arielle is focused, check list, get it done right away, Brian is more casual, conversational and revises his projects over a slightly longer period of time. Open communication is what has allowed them to see things from the other person’s perspective and reap value from it.

Arielle and Brian use humor to defuse potential conflict. She shares how they invoke the names of their parents at just the right moment. If Arielle embodies the sometimes overpowering essence of her assertive, confident, successful mother, she has encouraged Brian to ask “Is Sheila in the room?” and if Brian puts up emotional walls, Arielle refers to him as Wayne, who is Brian’s father.

The book opens the door and allows the reader into the day to day lives of high profile couples including relationship teachers Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, (Gay wrote the foreword for the book) and Barack and Michelle Obama. Each one is a daring view of the ways in which they learned to express needs and communicate desires so as to grow the relationships in the midst of the spotlight. Shared vision and purpose are the highlights of those marriages as well as those of the others cited in the book.

Wabi Sabi love contains many portable tools in the form of an explanation of principles such as “When we are out of balance with our energies, our relationships become lopsided. Like two halves of a circle, each partner moves fluidly back and forth as in a dance. To avoid stepping on each other’s toes, stay conscious of the energies to remain in step with your parner.”

Simple to put into practice exercises have fun titles, such as Learning to Go from Annoyed to Enjoyed which invites the reader to change perspective on a partner’s behavior that would have pushed buttons. Ford suggests listing the behavior and then 5-10 times when these actions might occur. She then delves more deeply by inquiring : How many more times am I willing to allow this situation to annoy me?  What payoff do I get by finding fault?  What does being annoyed keep me from having? Where did I learn to be annoyed by other people’s behavior? The next step is a stretch for some as it asks the reader to wonder how they can learn about themselves as a result and what gifts might be contained within the experience.

Wabi Sabi Love is a gift that will keep on giving as the reader learns to value the imperfectly perfect nature of the man or woman in the mirror and determine that they and their relationships are worthy of the time and energy that it takes to create the union of their deepest heart’s desires.

Rev. Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a Renaissance Woman and Bliss Mistress who delights in inviting people to live rich, full, juicy lives. Edie is an internationally recognized, sought after, colorfully creative journalist, interviewer and author, a dynamic and inspiring speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, offering uniquely designed spiritual rituals. In addition, she is a PR Goddess, promoting events and transformational teachers, healers, writers and artists. She speaks on the subjects of wellness, spirituality, sexuality, creativity, time management, recovery, body image, mindfulness, self esteem, stress management, re-creating yourself, caring for the caregiver, loss and grief. She is a frequent guest on radio and TV. Edie is currently writing her first best selling book entitled The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming the Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and is offering a workshop for women who want to re-create their lives, based on those concepts. A 20 year old journalistic vision came to pass in July of 2008 when she interviewed His Holiness The Dalai Lama. It was a potent reminder to never, ever, ever give up on our dreams. Over the years, Edie has written for mainstream and transformational publications. She has interviewed hundred of notables in the transformational fields, including Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Debbie Ford, Leonard Peltier, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Beckwith, Jonathan Goldman, Gregg Braden, Neale Donald Walsch, Mary Manin Morrissey, Dan Millman, Alan Cohen, Ram Dass, Jack Canfield, Jean Shinoda Bolen, Patch Adams, Ben and Jerry, Donna DeLory, James Twyman, Elizabeth Lesser, Michael Franti and Jean Houston. Her website is http://www.liveinjoy.org 

 

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