I had the great fortune of spending the day yesterday with some of the most amazing co-workers a girl could wish for. We checked in with each other and shared how we were doing during our round table discussion and from that chat literally sprang the idea of this blog. Two of my male buddies spoke about valleys and mountains and the great divide between the two places. I chuckled out loud and said, “There’s a blog in that”, and here I am sharing my thoughts yet again.
There are so many places to go with the idea of the depths of despair and the height of elation. Today I felt the deepest sense of love and realized that the scale of love peaks and it also drops off sharply; sometimes into the vast abyss, never to be retrieved or found again. I suppose that is where hopelessness and fear may reside.
I have purposely shied away from speaking too much about my current situation and ‘where’ I happen to be along the journey of ‘to love or not to love’. Keen interest and curiosity has been expressed and it has meant so much to know that readers and friends care and want to know what is going on. I have spewed unendingly (much to the chagrin of some I am sure) about my plight of love and seeming loss. Some climbed aboard the roller-coaster called my ‘life’ and have been by my side for the ride thus far.
Not too many blogs back I spoke about the doubts and uncertainties I was feeling. If anyone has been in love even for a short time, they know there are moments of cloudiness and times when insecurities (yours or the other persons) are evident. I have floated through the air on clouds of love, soaring to heights unimagined and I have plummeted to the earth crashing and burning upon impact. I have walked the tightrope and sat on the fence many times, careful not to choose for fear of making the ‘wrong’ decision. Is there even such a thing? Not really, though in all honesty it can feel like hell when love isn’t going according to ‘plan’.
Either way love is always worth the risk. I have played it safe walking around on solid ground. At times looking up and wondering what the view is like at the top. Any experienced climber knows that preparation is necessary. You don’t head out on an expedition ill-equipped. Those who do don’t last long and often succumb to horrible experiences and accidents. The other climbers condition themselves over time. Before they can get to where they want to be they need to train. With practice comes a level of comfort and trust. That’s not to say that there aren’t any trips and falls along the way. I’m sure there are lots of bruises, scrapes, bumps and hard knocks. Undeterred they forge ahead, always with the end goal in mind. When ready to tackle the mountain, they buddy up and put their trust in those on their team and together they climb; one step at a time until they arrive.
As far as I can see, love is no different. Unexpected things show up, you fall and you get back up – sometimes a little battered and bitter. At first you may be rocky and unsteady but each smile, each kind expression, each hug and each kiss can steady you. The more you open yourself up to hope and let go; the journey becomes one adventure after another. I personally don’t think moving blindly through life is advisable. And I think a healthy measure of caution is always prudent where relationships and hearts are concerned. It’s easy to get stuck in the non-descript land of limbo if you’re not careful.
With each passing day I am bravely pressing onward AND upward towards the summit of my life; not forgetting the precious moments as I go; some of great beauty and from time to time some icky stuff too.
Love happens to be one of the great hitchhikers I’ve picked up as I journey. With each stride I am tossing away unnecessary baggage that is weighing me down. There is a lilt to my step and my gait is measured and meaningful. With every breath I take in I fill my lungs with possibility. I remember loving the Joe Cocker song, “Up Where We Belong”; singing my heart out and even choking up from time to time when hearing the lyrics. Love (of any kind) truly lifts us up. It doesn’t have to be romantic love either; but it sure is wonderful when it is.
I’ve got my hiking boots on, a nice walking stick, my iPod (you always need great tunes for motivatation…), and the love of many amazing people who walk shoulder to shoulder with me every day.
I’ve been pretty comfortable down in the valley and chasm called my life and it’s actually a really cool thing to not be freaked out by its shadows any more. The sun is shining and the clouds have parted and I’ll have you know that the view from the summit is sweet! Having the adoration of an amazing partner to share the view with is an added bonus!
