Long ago, I spent time with a group of male meditators. Despite admitting that many of their love experiences had a mystical and divine quality, they kept reiterating the contention that it was meditation- not love- that would take them to God. Despite acknowledging a profound experience of unity through the horizontal heart portal, they kept returning to their vertical bias. For them, the kingdom of consciousness was reached through the inner road, with meditation as their primary vehicle. Interesting.
At the time, this perspective resonated with me. But it no longer does. Yes, meditation is one path to a more expanded consciousness, but it’s only one path- it is not the path. And, it may not even be a path that goes anywhere near as deep or as high as a relational path, as a horizontal path, as a path dripping with love-soaked connectiveness. Perhaps our experience of the “kingdom of heaven” when we are alone with God is just the first step for humanity. Perhaps our experience of unity consciousness- a relative term if ever there was one- expands boundlessly as we deepen in intimacy. With a profound love relationship as our vessel, we are catapulted to a vaster and more fertile universe, one in which we are both witness and participant, one where we actually transform the cosmos with every kiss, with every touch, with every shared breathstroke.
I am tired of hearing what God is from head-tripping men. I am tired of hearing what God is from isolationists on a spiritual quest. I am tired of hearing what God is from lovers of detachment. I want to hear about a juicy God, a creative God, a relational God, a God that arises when we jump into life and stop playing it safe, watching life race by like a passing train. It’s time for the dancers to tell us what God is. It’s time for the artists to tell us what God is. It’s time for the lovers to tell us what God is. We are not here to watch God from afar. We are here to live God from the inside out.
At the same time, I understand some of what has sourced the overemphasis on meditation, detachment and contemplation as the path. Patriarchal control systems have been put in place since time immemorial that keep us looking to the General, or the Despot, or the Wealthy Man, for our answers. If we begin to find our answers in each other, those systems fall apart. When you add in the scepter of religious control- they can’t control you if you go to the love-making temple to find God- you can see that we have not had the freedom nor the invitation to explore human relationships as the pipeline to divinity.
In the words of systems theorist Kathia Laszlo “Everything feminine has been suppressed in patriarchy for so many centuries. Earth based spirituality, natural healing and childbirth, and anything that empowers women has been eliminated by men in power and presented as evil. The same is true for relationship as spiritual path. That would have made men and women equal partners, and it would have given too much power to the feminine if it recognized the uncontrollable, volatile, chaotic nature of emotional connection as valid, natural, healthy and helpful.”
And perhaps we just haven’t been ready. In the world I have known, most of us are ruled by survivalism as a way of being. We organize our personality and choose our life path based on whatever masks we need to get food on the table and otherwise manage reality. Since our quest for survival defines us, we pick partners who reflect that pragmatism. Love becomes another venue for our security issues. And in the heart of such a harsh world, the subtleties of great love simply have no place. It’s all we can do to hold it together.
In the next step of our world–one that is organized around authenticity–we will choose our partners from the heart outward. Soul-centered love demands that we find our nourishment in the lover’s gaze, the opening heart, the deep breath of union. Our identity will be sourced in the rhythms and tides of the heart ocean, not the adaptations and disguises of the marketplace. Another planet altogether. The ultimate answer is to raise the vibration of the world so that it can meet great love heart-on.
The simple truth is that we have historically been at a very individualized stage in human development, one where it’s all many of us can do to manage and heal our own emotional material and figure out who we are. To attempt to mix one as-yet unhealed being with another has been particularly challenging and exacting, especially if the relationship is more soulful than practical. This isn’t to say that relationship isn’t essential to our healing and expansion, but sometimes it’s just been too much at once. When soulmates come together, they often excavate something more than their individual pain. They also bring the pain of the collective to the surface. It’s all there, in the heart of the mine. That’s a lot of dynamite going off at one time!
At last, something is changing, as the quest for a conscious relationship is becoming a priority for many. Whether it’s because the structures are evolving in society to support it, or because we have matured individually to the point of readiness, we are more open to the possibility that love connection- in both its light and its shadow- is intended as a vehicle for both transformation and divine interfacing.
With that in mind, I want to invite others to share their stories. We need to hear what you have experienced, where love has taken you, what has gotten in the way. We need to hear your reports from love’s sacred battlefields. We don’t need to hear any more fantasies about love–we need to hear the truth–each person’s individual truth.
Once we have learned enough, we can construct a new kind of language, one that is rooted in the yearning, the wisdom, the compassion, the softening of the receptive heart. The language of the mind can be very clever, but the language of the heart has a brilliance all its own. When we hearticulate, we speak from a place of essence, the place where God lives. What a bountiful dictionary, with such subtle textures and tones. This is the language of love.
I also want to invite others to craft relational models of consciousness for the world to consider. I may not have a chance to get to that work this time around, but perhaps you can. We have far too many individually-centered models and so few relational ones. We need maps, frameworks, and holarchies that speak to the stages of consciousness that arise at different stages of heart connection.
I’m not just talking about sexual relationships between heterosexuals, like the one portrayed in this book. I am talking about all forms of relationship, including platonic ones, and all forms of human sexuality–heterosexual, homosexual and transgendered. It’s the heart that God is interested in, not body parts. It’s what we learn within the heart that lasts for all eternity. In other words, everyone’s experience is welcome, and everyone’s experience will help us to more fully understand the landscape that awaits us as we de-armor and ride our love for each other into divinity. So many universes await.