Sharing powerful stories from his anti-obesity project in Huntington, W. Va., TED Prize winner Jamie Oliver makes the case for an all-out assault on our ignorance of food.

Jamie Oliver is transforming the way we feed ourselves, and our children. Jamie Oliver has been drawn to the kitchen since he was a child working in his father’s pub-restaurant. He showed not only a precocious culinary talent but also a passion for creating (and talking about) fresh, honest, delicious food. In the past decade, the shaggy-haired “Naked Chef” of late-’90s BBC2 has built a worldwide media conglomerate of TV shows, books, cookware and magazines, all based on a formula of simple, unpretentious food that invites everyone to get busy in the kitchen. And as much as his cooking is generous, so is his business model — his Fifteen Foundation, for instance, trains young chefs from challenged backgrounds to run four of his restaurants.

Now, Oliver is using his fame and charm to bring attention to the changes that Brits and Americans need to make in their lifestyles and diet. Campaigns such as Jamie’s School Dinner, Ministry of Food and Food Revolution USA combine Olivers culinary tools, cookbooks and television, with serious activism and community organizing — to create change on both the individual and governmental level.

Technorati Tags: food & recipes, Health, inspiration, Life with Direction, mindfulness, parenting

I took a deep breath, adjusted the rear view mirror to better monitor her expression and quieted myself for a moment. For a split second I didn’t feel up to the task. “Because” certainly wouldn’t be a suitable answer. But what would be? Her question was good—it was damn important in fact—and it deserved a clear and thoughtful answer. She is 6 years old and I wanted to be careful to impart my adult point of view in a way that both honored her curiosity and provided a meaningful lesson for her and her sister.

Earlier that week I had explained why I didn’t want them to watch the animated version of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch anymore. As protective as I’d been in censoring viewing material, this show had apparently slipped by me and there was one episode that sealed that deal. A few characters were discussing the need to lose weight so they could fit into a pair of jeans. I was cleaning up the living room when I overheard this part, seriously hoping that somehow I’d misunderstood. But the young witch and her friends continued to discuss their weight loss goals. I couldn’t believe the show’s utter recklessness. My husband and I have tried our best to foster a home environment full of real-talk about having a healthy relationship to food and body size. As an outspoken advocate for responsible media and healthy body image-role models for women, I had to intervene.

Click.

I turned off the TV and my girls wailed in unison. “No! Don’t! We love this show!” They were devastated. Sitting down on the rug next to them, I explained my rationale and directed them towards some other shows that they could watch instead, ones with a more positive and appropriate message.

As we neared the bottom of our quiet street and headed out on the main road toward their school several days later, I reminded them about this incident, realizing that the Barbie-question was part of the same bigger picture. I knew I had to embrace this important teaching moment.

“We’ve talked about how precious your bodies and minds are, right?”

They nodded.

“Everything in front of you affects you somehow. Right?”

“Yeah,” said my eldest.

“Well, think about how Barbie looks…I mean, do you know any women or girls who look like her?”

They both thought about it for a few seconds.

“No Mom, I don’t,” answered Jade.

“Me neither,” said Kaya.

“Well, that’s just it girls. Barbie doesn’t look like anyone in real life. She’s an inaccurate representation of women. Take my body, and grandma’s and your aunt’s…”

They both went on to name other women they know and love—teachers and family friends. Young, old, black, white, petite and voluptuous.

“They don’t look like Barbie either,” said Jade.

They were starting to get the picture—that no one, at any age, looks even remotely like Barbie.

“Women come in all shapes and sizes,” I said.
“Yep,” said Kaya, in whole-hearted agreement.

“And we’re all awesome!”

“That’s true, Mom,” said Jade.

“What a boring life it would be, if we all looked like Barbie,” I said.

“Can we go swimming this weekend?” asked Kaya.

I took the change of subject as an indication that, for now, their curiosity was satisfied. For now, they understood what they could.

But it’s a conversation I know will continue. It’s a conversation that needs to continue, inside my home and out there in the world. As my girls grow older, they’ll have to deal with a variety of cultural messages, some which will be polar opposite from the ones they’re getting from Mom and Dad.

By the time we arrived at their little school set deep in the redwoods, I turned to look at my girls and made eye contact with both, just checking in. We exchanged smiles and then got out for hugs, kisses and goodbyes. They ran off to greet their friends and teachers and as I watched them leave, I took a moment to check in with myself.

I know my daughters will have their own experiences and make their own choices. So my hope is to give them a strong foundation—one that fuels them with compassion, acceptance and respect for others and themselves.

Banning certain media and denying my girls some of the toys their friends have is meaningless without ongoing discussion about why. It’s a why I need to continue exploring within myself, with my girlfriends, with my husband and with my other male allies. Barbie’s very un-real representation of women is just one conspicuous symbol, iconic as it is—one of many glaring indications of our need to have more real-talk.

Technorati Tags: appreciation, body image, conscious parenting, Health, Personal Growth, Relationships, self esteem, self love, wellness

How many parents and teachers are concerned when a day goes by with play and play and more play? “When will she learn if she plays all day?”

Is play really a waste of time? Did nature goof when all cubs, including humans, are born with a drive and an ability to play?

For me, child rearing has been a continual test to my ability to trust. Should I physically make sure that my child learns to crawl? Walk? Talk? How about “Talk and Walk Class for Toddlers 101″? Interestingly, language is the hardest thing to learn, and children do it all on their own. In fact, the speediest learning in humans occurs in the youngest years, when children generally play all day. Maybe nature didn’t goof – maybe I can trust.

So I trusted in nature from day one and noticed an interesting thing: children play, and their best learning happens through play. Children are designed to be curious. From birth on, they want to know and figure out everything. Children are driven to succeed. They are constantly challenging themselves and can actually accomplish it all through a biologically implanted process that we call play.

If children played all their childhood (I mean it), they would be ready for life. They would be emotionally strong (providing no other damage has been done), and would have all the basic skills to handle life. Our anxiety for children to know certain things at specific ages is an enormous obstacle to trusting and allowing their natural development. When children play, they are the only qualified authors of this magical process. It is rarely too late to acquire knowledge, but often it is dangerously too early and out of harmony with the internal journey of the child.

Trusting children to direct their own play has immediate advantages: 1) The child is likely to do exactly what is best for her emotionally, intellectually and socially. 2) There is no worry about age appropriateness, and no guesswork about what or how to play or learn. The child is his own best expert on timing as well. 3) Even adequate exposure to needed information is mostly taken care of. Life, as it is, can provide too much exposure in our times. Children will select that which applies to their personal needs. We can share our life with them, our interests, friends, loves, frustrations, activities… and they will observe, learn, and let us know of their needs in their own playful ways. Children who are allowed to play and direct heir own path, will study anything to get them where they want to go.

What kind of play is so effective in growth and learning? The answer is simple: self-initiated, self-directed play. To foster such play, we need to get out of the way and get manipulative toys out of the way as well. Our intervention and input actually gets in the way. It is obvious why negative input is destructive, but not so obvious that positive input is just as destructive: When Nina, age two, builds a tower of blocks, she is driven by a pure interest and joy of creation and learning. When Dad looks at her creation and exclaims enthusiasm, Nina shifts her interest from her blocks to the purpose of inducing an enthusiastic reaction out of Dad. This can build up over the years to a dependency upon adult evaluation and result in a lack of self-trust and a loss of interest in doing for its own sake. The pleasing child is constantly dependent upon her success to live up to parental expectations and can lose touch with who she really is, and what she is interested in.¹

Science Play

One day, Yonatan and Lennon took covers of pots from the kitchen, and twirled them in such a way that they spun like tops on the floor. Then they filled the covers with colorful items, and witnessed a variety of shape and color changes as the covers spun. In the twirling play, they created combinations by changing shapes and colors, observed results, and then changed the items in the pot covers accordingly to create different results. The two young scientists were initiating, communicating, acting and observing the laws of the universe.

I call these types of activities scientific play, or learning the nature of a phenomenon. Children with access to nature (a yard, trees, sand, stones, sticks…), as well as the kitchen and all other safe items and furniture inside the home, will make a lab of reality out of every space. When visitors come to my home and it isn’t tidy, I say as a matter of fact, “Oh, excuse the mess, there are three young scientists studying reality.” The methods of children are identical to those of scientists. Manipulate and observe, listen or sense the results, and so on.

For children, life is play and play is learning. Tofu may be food for us, but for our son last night it was a topographic map of our island. Headbands become arrows to shoot at a target with amazing skill. The swing can twirl by twisting it, and then it goes back the other way. The possibilities are endless. Even though they don’t always put what they have learned into words or equations, they do learn. Naming things isn’t the discovery – it’s grasping the phenomenon itself that matters. In science play, children experience reality as well as learn about their own power to create and influence scientific phenomena.

Social and Emotional Play

All play that includes more than one person is social. When a child plays with another (of any age, including adults), social skills are being learned as the playmate’s feelings and needs have to be taken into account.

Specific social training occurs when children “rehearse” life. Playing pretend games in which children play roles of parents, animals, plants, etc., is a way to assimilate reality, alleviate fears and try it all out.

Pretend play is also a great therapy. The young therapists discharge their emotions in play. A parent complained to me once that her children kept pretending that their house was on fire. They were running through the house with scarves as flames, alerting everyone to the danger and then quenching it with great noise and satisfaction. Living in the country, this family uses wood for heat and they teach their children to stay away from the fire. The children are rehearsing, drilling themselves in the worst case scenario, and alleviating their fear by gaining experience.

Limits and Discipline

One of the most striking qualities of children’s play is the many rules they form and how strict they are about them.

I recall a group of about a dozen children, of mixed ages 4 – 10, jumping on one big trampoline. Within minutes, it was obvious to the children that it was too crowded to be fun. Very quickly, they came up with the rule: “three at a time”. A couple of them started chanting “three at a time”, others joined the chant and then sat down on one end, letting three children at a time enjoy the jump. Rules pass from generation to generation or are created as needed and children keep the rules and learn social grace, discipline and limits.

Parent’s Role

We are children, too. We love to have an important role in the magical unfolding of humans. However, there are no grand roles for us grown-ups: true creative play needs no active encouragement or support. And no, we don’t need to be the source of the fun or do much entertaining.

We are the invisible net of support and safety. We get to encourage play by deduction – by not intervening or interrupting, and by not showing preference to classroom type activity. Instead, we can give the child a sense of total approval of her choices and actions. Respecting the scientist’s “work” (his play), we are responsible for exposing but not imposing.

When children want our participation, we need to play authentically. We need to be interested – not interesting; let the child lead the game, and we join like a true partner. No evaluations, praise, or leadership, and no exaggerated enthusiasm either – just being an authentic and equal partner.

Children are great playmates to children precisely because they are authentic. Children don’t need to be of the same or even similar ages to play together, and they do best when they choose their own playmates.

Life is a game. Perhaps adults have matured and forgotten this essential element of life called play. We have become serious and have made an artificial distinction between play and work and between play and study. Our children are here to teach us to lighten up, to put a spark in our eyes and Play Life.

****

Finding Creative Toys

Toys that encourage creativity are materials that do not dictate any specific game or results. Some examples include: blank paper and paints; plain blocks; sand; pots and pans; boxes of clothes for dress-up; clay; plainly made dolls; gardening tools; outdoor riding and climbing toys such as a wagon, a ladder, or hanging bars; and common household items the children may have access to when they want to imitate household activity, such as cooking, cleaning, nurturing, fixing, and building tools.

Stay away from designs that dictate specific results or that direct the outcome of a child’s play, and that discourage the input of a child’s thought process. These might include: coloring books; toys with press buttons that produce set results; dolls that produce specific emotional responses or actions; and toys that imitate television or movie characters.

Technorati Tags: Happiness, inspiration, parenting, Relationships

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One of my many passions is communicating with the world about the wonders of relationship. Much of my work over the past dozen years or so has been in that realm. I am a therapist and minister who counsels couples and marries them. For many years, I was a greeting card text writer who wrote mushy love cards to rev up other people’s relationships. I would smile as I imagined the look on folks’ faces when they would choose the card, pen their own prose in it and then seal it with a kiss before handing it to their loved one. Taking it further, I pretended to be a proverbial ‘fly on the wall’ as the card was opened. I politely stepped away at that point, giving them their privacy and hoping for a happy ending(:

Tonight I had the bliss of interviewing a couple that I have gotten to know over the past year via the wonders of Facebook and cosmically coincidentally, it is where they met as well more than two years ago.  Dr. Sheri Meyers and Jonathan Aslay work with the most sensitive aspects of human interaction and assist folks in weathering the winds of change and broaching the challenging subjects such as anger, jealousy, infidelity, sex and money.  One of the things I love about them is their unabashed flirtation with each other via social media. It is contagious and in many ways, felt like simultaneously, they were flirting with those who read their posts, beckoning them to come play in their yard too. Glad I accepted the invitation. A week or so leading up to our interview, they were posting a whole bunch of promos for ‘the event’. By the time we got on the call, I joked with them that it had felt like “radio foreplay”.

The conversation seemed like a window into their world as they openly shared their glories and gaffes; both in a way that allowed listeners to relate to this quite REAL, albeit quite public, couple.

America’s leading love and intimacy expert, Dr. Sheri Meyers, Author of “Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love, and Affair-Proof Your Relationship” is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Los Angeles, CA. She is among the nation’s most frequently quoted and interviewed relationship and infidelity specialists regularly writing for the Huffington Post and appearing on every major network including NBC,ABC,CBS,CNN and FOX.

Jonathon Aslay is a Dating & Relationship Coach and author of several books including: “The Relationships Men Commit To and Why.” Jonathon has appeared on ABC, NBC and CBS Radio and has been quoted on EHarmony, YourTango, Divorced Parents Magazine and was voted one of the top ten Midlife Dating Coaches by Dating Advice Magazine.

Both Sheri and Jonathon have helped thousands of people understand the dynamics of love and relationships through coaching, counseling and workshops they have created. In their own love story both have learned the power of healing, forgiveness and opening their heart to true love!

The interview was sprinkled with powerful take-aways such as :When we’re fighting, “We’re not feeling loved, accepted or known.” They discovered early on that at the center of their solid relationship is friendship. They don’t just love each other; they also LIKE each other, which sometimes takes more concentrated work. “Conversation not confrontation.” “It’s not a me problem, but a we problem. Relationship is a partnership.” “Our motto is, I’ve got your back.”

Since they spend so much time in each other’s presence during their work and play, they also recognize that it is essential to have ‘healthy ‘we time and me time’ to nourish the individuals that they are as well as the third entity that is their thriving relationship. It reminds me of the Kahlil Gibran quote from his poem called On Marriage:  “May the winds of the heavens dance between you.”

Being a chocolate lover (it is my drug of choice), I particularly liked their Oreo cookie analogy with regard to approaching touchy subjects. You start with loving statements and intention which is the chocolate and then fill in with the content of what you want to discuss and then seal it on the other side with more chocolate=love. I didn’t ask, but I wonder about the folks who when eating an Oreo, go for the middle first and save the cookie for last. Is there a parallel there? This method seems to hold them in good stead even in the midst of sometimes crunchy and potentially crumbly moments.

Listen to the interview now available in archive form, for more enticing nibbles that can enhance YOUR relationships. www.vividlife.me and read these two articles that I had written earlier in the year about this dynamic duo.

http://blog.beliefnet.com/blissblog/2012/05/chatting-or-cheating.html A review of Sheri’s book called Chatting or Cheating

www.elephantjournal.com/2013/01/the-relationships-men-commit-to-why-edie-weinstein/ 

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Technorati Tags: acceptance, dating, dating and relationships, past, present moment, Relationships

Are you enjoying “your life ride?”  Are you savoring every moment or are you rushing to get to some goal?  Is each arrival point just another platform to move on to something new? What if moving so fast through your life was actually taking you away from the beauty of the journey?  What if every step….good news or interesting….was meant to guide you into a profound expression of your most amazing life?  What if there was no place to go except where you are?  What if every event, circumstance and experience was exactly what you needed to embrace your destiny? How can you create your joy ride of life?

Take a moment to pause and really look around you. What do you see? Can you take in the gifts of the moment?  I believe this is what we are all here to do. We are here to be completely present and enjoy this incredible life.  In the grand scheme of things, our time here on earth is short.  I say we are called to experience life as a powerful adventure and enthusiastically step out and fulfill our purpose. Are you ready? Why not open and say yes to the ride of your life!

Take a moment to remember this: Today, I joyously expand my thinking to include the possibility that every second of this day is an opportunity to give thanks for my magnificent life.

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Let’s start with what your life is currently like.

What is a typical day in your life?   

Start with the minute you wake up until you put your head on your pillow. Pick the questions below that inspire you. Write down your vision for creating the Best Ever You!

My Typical Day?

Your Vision for Your Life: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What am I doing now?

•             Where am I going?

•             What do I want to be in the future?

•             What steps am I taking to get closer to my dream?

Attitude and Inspiration: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What is my outlook on life?

•             What are my core values?

•             What are my coping mechanisms? Do they work for me or against me?

•             What values and attitudes do I want to embody within myself and project to others in the world?

Health: Reflect on the following questions:

•             Have I had all relevant medical checkups and exams (including dental, vision, mammograms, colonoscopies, etc.) in the past year?

•             How do I manage my emotions?

•             How do I cope with chronic conditions?

Money: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What has changed in my financial life during the past year?

•             Does my budget accurately reflect my means and my priorities?

•             Do I have the insurance I need?

•             Can I make a plan to pay off debt or at least move it to a lower-interest account?

•             If I’ve done well, what have I done to solidify my financial position?

Exercise: Reflect on the following questions:

•             How can I incorporate a healthy amount of exercise into my schedule?

•             Do I need to meet with a doctor to start an exercise plan or a trainer to tune up my workouts?

•             How do I manage stress?

•             Can I find healthier ways to handle stress?

Appearance: Reflect on the following questions:

•             How do I care for my appearance?

•             What do my looks say about me?

•             What do I want my appearance to say?

•             Can I find things I like about my face and body?

•             Is the time and energy I spend on appearances appropriate to my life at the moment?

Home: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What are my goals for where I want to live this year?

•             Do I want to find a better or more suitable home, fix up the one I have, or make changes to my current one?

•             Do I feel “at home” where I live? If not, what would it take to get me to feel that way?

Relationships: Reflect on the following questions:

•             How is my relationship with myself?

•             Do I have a balance of relationships in my life – partner, friends, children, siblings, parents, others?

•             What is one change I would like to make in the way I relate to others?

Work: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What type of work would I like to do?

•             What has changed about my work life?

•             What am I doing to deal with those changes?

•             What am I doing to move closer to my career goals?

Leisure: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What do I do for fun?

•             Do I have enough fun?

•             Do I have too much fun?

•             What relaxes and renews me?

•             What excites and enlivens me?

•             What plans can I make to get the most out of my leisure time?

•             How can I find more leisure time in my schedule?

Religion/Spirituality: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What is my relationship with the Divine or with the human spirit?

•             What beliefs guide my life?

•             Am I closer or further from my spiritual center than I was a year ago?

•             Do I have people in my life who share my spiritual outlook or who can offer guidance in this area?

•             Do I experience a sense of a community or lack of it?

Food and Nutrition: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What is my relationship with food?

•             Do I eat mostly healthy things?

•             Do I allow myself to eat something delicious but unhealthy once in a while?

•             Do I stay connected to my feelings of hunger and fullness?

•             Do I deny myself food when others are eating?

•             Does food run my life?

Volunteering: Reflect on the following questions:

•             What do I do to help others?

•             What would I like to do to help others?

•             Do I readily volunteer to help or wait until someone asks?

The Long Run: Reflect on the following questions:

•             Do I have a will?

•             Have I made legal arrangements for what would happen to my kids if I became disabled or died?

•             Do I have life insurance?

•             What is my financial plan for retirement and old age?

•             Have I made a living will, health care proxy, or power of attorney?

•             Have I discussed end-of life plans with others?

List five accomplishments from this year:

Vision Planning:

This year I will …

In 5 years I will …

In 10 years I will …

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