Spirituality

I don’t believe in hocus pocus and I do (Jury’s out). It’s a constant struggle with me. Wounded and distorted by the New Age movement or what my dear friend Jeff Brown calls “New Cage”. I have grown skeptical and even quite cynical of anything that suggests hocus pocus. I feel perhaps I dove in too deep, desperately searching for my tribe of weirdos, for truth, for a path through my pain only to realize that no one, or no one theology had that answer.

And as I stepped away from it I began to realize I was being caged in (my choice) by yet another limited ideology and began to awaken to my own, not my own ideology, but to the presence of the inner voice that always knew the way. I did perhaps get a little angry, disappointed in those who’d made grand promises that if I followed their path, bought their program or signed up to their retreat I would be freed. At a point I even convinced myself that I had the power to create a program that would do the same. I “drank the Kool Aide”. Perhaps because it was easier to buy or sell someone else’s promise than it was to look in the mirror and face the pain.

And like a razor I began to cut them all out of my life one by one. Some intentionally and some unintentionally but after it all, after I looked back at the story that had unfolded for me. I realized I was living somewhat of utopian fantasy. It all began to look like a circus, every teacher like a magician performing wonder in front of your eyes while their team picked your pocket as you left. Except I/we, if this is resonating with you, chose to hand our wallet, or our power over.

Please don’t mistake my personal experience for shaming a movement that at the heart of it, at least I hope, had/has good intentions. Regardless of my experience I met many a good hearted human on that path and as Ram Dass has said “we are only ever being walked home”

And it seems it was exactly what I needed to get where I am today. Working with a more grounded perspective, while exploring the possibility of a master puppeteer who orchestrates it all.  But for now as my husband always says “I don’t know what I don’t know” and I’ll let that be a mystery. People have spent thousands of years trying to uncover “the truth” behind this cosmic experience and all have come up empty handed only to find what has been left behind by others searching for the same answer. And then we spar over who holds the monopoly on truth. And quite frankly I’m tired of sparing. Aren’t you?

But what I do know for sure is what I am directly experiencing and what rings true for me. And for the last couple of months an old “New Age” thought has arisen (at least one I learned through that movement), “Is everything coming up to be healed?” cause it seems like the majority of what I am experiencing has picked at old wounds. Old wounds of being bullied, ostracized and beaten into silence. And the fear that if I push back, or stand up, there will be consequences that my soft heart might not be able to bear.

But like the spiritual warrior I am. I feel the fear, sometimes for a while, a very long while. Sometimes falling into a temporary depression, spending days even weeks inside, feeling the feels, processing the pain through my emotions, and then taking it all to self-inquiry, and staying still long enough to listen to what “the self” has to say. I deeply feel that unless we face, or surrender to our pain, unless we allow our emotions the space to do their thing. We will always carry a heaviness with us which adds up experience after experience, eventually causing us to break down mentally and physically, sometimes spiraling into a psychological abyss from which we may not be able to return from.

And from my experience there is no teacher, theology, pill or hocus pocus that can usher us home but ourselves. Every experience giving us the opportunity to look deeper, to listen with more intensity, and to draw from it the light we need to find our way.

There I am planting a Marula Tree at a rural school in South Africa. I never would have imagined this kid from the ghetto with his feet firmly planted in the earth planting trees on the other side of the world, or did I?

Is this all just a dream I created? Did all the imagining on the jungle gym while I was playing captain of my ship bring me to where I am today.

Did my inability to accept that “the ghetto” was the way my life would play out and my strong desire to dream a bigger dream for myself get me here?

Law of Attraction experts would say so.

But it was more than just me desiring, hoping wishing and dreaming.

It was putting one foot in front of the other, taking action, and never, never giving up (Ok I gave up a few times but I must not have truly wanted whatever it was I gave up on) that got me where I am today.

An let me tell you it wasn’t without a shit ton of suffering. Sorry to burst your bubble but I’m not sure it stops, I just think we get better at moving through it and not taking it personally (Read this in the Four Agreements and learned it through experience)

I’ve been beaten to a pulp, told I was a worthless faggot, spit at, thrown in lockers, I’ve been laid out on my bed sobbing for days, been so angry I’ve punched holes in walls, created undue conflict out of the depths of my undealt with emotions, and because I believed others projections of who I was, of my value, I even tried, and almost succeeded in taking my own life,  but after the dust settled there was one thing that always lifted me higher and that was my ability to self inquire to the depths of my soul for answers and come out like a metaphysical lion, turn my wounds to wisdom, and document my “all in” journey in hopes of inspiring others.

Because life is just that, life, and it shows up in a myriad of ways, some sunshine and rainbows and some like a hurricane seeming to destroy everything in it’s path but the core, it can’t touch the core.

That place is untouchable, epically wise, like a grandmother that never leaves our side.

And there in-lies our VividLife (truth).

That place untouched by conditioning, not fooled by resistance, and cosmically authentic.

The sage, the guru, the teacher…. YOU!

Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, there it was all along, we just needed this journey called life to discover it. All the Tin Man’s, Scarecrow’s, Cowardly Lion’s, Witch’s and yes the charlatan Wizard’s “were only ever walking us home” to ourselves.

Yesterday. I signed a publishing agreement with Watkins Publishing, one of the oldest spiritual and personal development publishers on the planet, who also happens to own the oldest spiritual book store on the planet in London, England, and who happen to be some of the most cosmically authentic people I have ever met.

The purpose,

To, in the simplest (Kindergarten clear) way possible, tap into that untouched place, shine perspective on my story and light the way for you (and a reminder for me) to live Your VividLife with cosmic authenticity.

Here is a little video announcement I made on my personal Facebook profile. Please take a minute to watch.

Connection is so important and sometimes in this digital age, especially when most of my correspondence is written, It’s nice to see someones face in action and to feel their energy.

I love to connect, face to face, heart to heart.

So if spirit moves you, reach out, even if it’s just for a minute, I would love to see your name come to life through your beautiful eyes.

Sign up to my newsletter, and you will always be the first to know what’s on my mind, what’s coming up and you are always welcome to join me on my VividLife Journeys.

We’re in this together,

Oprah Winfrey sits down with public speaker and author Charles Eisenstein to discuss how to make the shift to a culture of empathy and what he feels is the world’s greatest wound. After graduating from Yale with a degree in mathematics and philosophy, Charles moved to Taiwan to educate himself on Eastern spiritual traditions and soon began working as a translator. In his late 20’s, he started to question his life’s purpose and entered into a long period of searching. Charles Eisenstein will share his thoughts on the current political climate and how to transition from the old story of divisiveness to a new paradigm that will create a sustainable future beginning with empathy.

In the original ‘Super Soul Short,’ Farmer John discovers an orphaned lamb struggling to find a new mother. In spite of being rejected by all of the flock, he finds more than just another way to get what he needs. The power of separation from the flock drives him to evolve far beyond that of an ordinary lamb.

Things have been a little heavy lately; emotions are running high, longer commutes for affordable housing, less pay more work, family tensions on the rise, and your news feed is filled with political doom and gloom. The shift has hit the fan, the underbelly has been revealed and it’s time for us “warriors of the light” to step up our game.

We have a job to do. One that we have been prepared for our whole lives. But it’s got to be real and we’ve got to be operating at full capacity, deeply grounded and rooted in authenticity to do it. Otherwise we’re going to burn out.

Time to start training our warrior selves, and that involves a shit ton of self-care. Something that we givers seem to struggle with. Always giving out, but rarely filling up. There could be a plethora of reasons for that, a deep rooted belief that we are undeserving or self-protection, but whatever it is, we’ve seriously got to kick it in the ass, to do the work – feel it, to reveal it, to heal it, right?

Cause we’re being called on to take us all higher, to usher in a world that is lead more from the heart. I know this all sounds like foo foo, mystical, I ain’t got time for that, I’ve gotta bring home the bacon kind of stuff, but it’s not foo foo at all,  it’s realer than real. It’s what we’ve manifested here to do.

Spiritual work.

But we can’t do it on an empty tank. So time to fill up, and I wanted to share with you some of the things that fill me up, that bring me home; grounded and soaked in the light of authenticity. But I’d also like to know what brings you home, so, if spirit moves you, please reply to the comments below with whatever it is that brings you to that place.

We’re in this together, right? You’re learning from me, I’m learning from you. There is no guru here, except life itself, at which we are all students.

So here goes…

What brings me home is music and nature (natural music; birds chirping, thunder, waves crashing against the shore) and lying down on my Yoga mat (Jade Yoga mats are my fav, and green is my colour – heart chakra) and listening to the following songs (I’ve provided the links so you can listen):

Ong Namo by Snatam Kaur

Deva Premal –  Gayatri Mantra

Alanis Morissette  – That I Would Be Good

Andra Day – Rise Up

C.C. White – Surrender

India Arie – Ready for Love

Lisa Gerrard & Patrick Cassidy – Elegy

Lennon & Maisy – In Love

Phillip Phillips – Home

Ahhhhh feeling bliss, full and so clear after listening. Ready to bust out my lightsaber and kick ass within and without. How about you?

Oh and don’t get so caught up kicking ass you forget to reply with what brings you home.

We’re in this together!

In a special edition, Oprah Winfrey asks today’s top thinkers, teachers, and spiritual leaders life’s big questions. A regular feature on “Super Soul Sunday,” Oprah’s soul questionnaire poses thought-provoking questions such as, “What is the soul?,” “What is the purpose of human experience?,” and “What is the most difficult decision you’ve had to make to pursue your destiny?” It is a soul-stirring celebration of viewpoints from a remarkable roster of guests, including international speaker and entrepreneur Tony Robbins, bestselling author and activist Janet Mock, Emmy-Award winning writer and producer Shonda Rhimes, Senior Pastor of Lakewood Church Joel Osteen, life coach Iyanla Vanzant, global advocate and recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize Malala Yousafzai, and many more.

To watch the full episode, please visit the following link the morning after the episode airs: http://www.oprah.com/app/super-soul-sunday.html

Please join the conversation on social #SuperSoulSunday, @SuperSoulSunday, @OWNTV, @Oprah

There’s Nothing You Can Do to Be Better. Not a thing in the world, not an action or accolade can or will make you better. The truth is you already are. Your own true self is something inside to be realized not outside to be discovered, however you need to stop long enough to notice.

I know, that “New Age” language again right? “your true self”, “something inside to be realized” but it’s true. You will only discover the truth of who you are by being still. You know through Meditation or Mindfulness. I’m sure you’ve heard of it since it seems to be trending at the moment.

So many Meditation and Mindfulness gurus, so many techniques, as with everything else. Everyone seems to have the key, the practice that works, the “cutting edge” technique that guarantees to change your life, make you happier, healthier and wealthier.

Meditation and Mindfulness have seemed to become that key, the new weight loss, fix everything, fad. Just like the eighties weight loss programs, some work, and some don’t, but the key is… does it work for you? Did it feel like a fit? Did it feel effortless or did it cause more struggle, more weight gain, or in the case of Meditation and Mindfulness, more thoughts and more stress?

When’s the last time you gave yourself even just five minutes to be still. I know some of you are saying “well I Meditate all the time”, “I have a regular practice”, “I use mantras”, “I meditate in Yoga class”, but do you really? Do you really take the time, alone, to be still? Or is it just another thing you do that you’ve been told works but you try so hard to do and be better at it you cause more suffering?

Only you have that answer, but you need to stop long enough to hear it.

If you have you’ll already know what I’m talking about, that is if you’ve had a moment with no thought. Not that there is anything wrong if you haven’t, but if you have you’ll get what I’m about to say and If you haven’t, that’s totally ok. It’s not a competition, there’s nowhere to get to, and there is no test at the end. Just do yourself a favor and give yourself 5 minutes, just five minutes a day and then one day it will all just open up. You’ll have a space between your thoughts, pure bliss, pure perfection and you’ll realize in that place, “there’s nothing you can do to be better.”

You already are that. You are everything you are striving to be and more, but you don’t have to strive,. There’s no more need for power suites, multitasking, or corporate ladders. You are exactly what you have always been searching for. Which always reminds me of the Alanis Morissette song “That I Would Be Good”:

“That I would be good even if I did nothing
That I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
That I would be good if I got and stayed sick
That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
That I would be great if I was no longer queen
That I would be grand if I was not all knowing
That I would be loved even when I numb myself
That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
That I would be loved even when I was fuming
That I would be good even if I was clingy
That I would be good even if I lost sanity
That I would be good
Whether with or without you”

These words are packed with such truth. There’s a reason they hit you right in the gut, or perhaps bring tears to your eyes. No matter how many times I listen to the song I feel the feels, I shed the tears, I give myself the time to “be still and know” that I don’t need to do or be anything to be better. I am better, I am good and none of that depends on anything outside of me.

Like a maple tree in the winter when the sap retreats to its’ roots, only to return once the warmth of the light kisses its’ limbs. Our truest self is available the moment we’re still enough to let the light fill us with awareness.

What If We Were All Buddhas? This morning, as usual, I was reading to my husband. This week’s book “When the Shoe Fits, Commentaries on the stories of the Taoist mystic Chuang Tzu” by Osho given to me by my friend Etan of Watkins publishing while I was in London, England last October on my way to South Africa.

The book has been a constant platform for contemplation and growth since I picked it up. My husband and I engage in conversations after reading each section, contemplating what the world, mostly our world would look like if we put into practice the principles of Chuang Tzu.

Today’s question…

What If We Were All Buddhas?

In “When the Shoe Fits”, Osho speaks about the Ego and how it is wrapped up in thinking that one thing is better than the other. A dualist perspective. Always having to fight to survive. And that spirit is always surrendered to what is. Pure surrendered spirit being referred to as a Buddha and ego as an ordinary man. That being wrapped up in things of the ego creates suffering and war. Both in and outer.

I learned of this long ago when reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. This theology really spoke to me and it still does, however like getting rid of one of your favorite things; leaving a relationship, a job, or moving to a new town, just the thought creates resistance.

For me what happens is my breath begins to shallow, my mind begins to race and because of the discomfort, most of the time, I resist.

But what would my world look like, what would our world look like if we didn’t?

If we all surrendered to spirit and became Buddhas?

First thing that comes to mind is that we wouldn’t have war, or conflict at all because there would be no opposites. Leaders would be unnecessary, winners and losers wouldn’t exist. It seems that everything would be in unity, at peace.

This is a Utopian view of life I know, but what if?

I wouldn’t wake up every morning thinking that I had to do to be better. That I need more to be enough. That this or that person was better, richer or wiser than I. That this or that person wasn’t lesser than. People would just be, nature would just be, but both would live in harmony, surrendered to their purpose, flowing together but never impeding the other.

This is life as Jesus, Muhammad, Lao Tzu, Chuang Tzu, and of course Buddha and many others described. But why after thousands of years and thousands of teachers have shown us “the way” are we still wrapped up in our egos, perpetuating the way that creates the most suffering and resisting “the way” to freedom?

I certainly don’t think that I’m going to figure it out in this short blog, however I at least wanted to pose the question for contemplation, for myself and for you.

So what if we were all Buddhas, what would life look like or what if we just begun in baby steps to incorporate the practices of a more peaceful life.

What would that look like for you, for the world? Where would you begin?

Would love to read your answer in the comments below.