READ: Just Because You’re You by Mike Robbins

About a year or so ago I started playing a game with my two girls, Samantha (our six year old) and Rosie (our three and a half year old). The game goes like this; I ask each one of them, “How much does daddy love you?” They respond by putting one or both of their arms up into the air as high as they can and say, “This much.” Then I say, “That’s right! And how come I love you so much?” To which they say, “Just because I’m me!”

It’s a fun, sweet, and powerful game that I love playing with each of them and something I hope to continue to do for many years. I play this game as much for them as I do for myself. For the girls, I want them to know that my love and appreciation for them is not based on what they do, how they look, how well they listen, or any other conditions or expectations.

For me, I do it for two main reasons. First of all, as a father I find it challenging at times to keep my heart open and to stay connected to my love for my girls when they do or say things that upset, disappoint, or anger me. This game serves as a reminder to me that my intention is to love them unconditionally (i.e. to love them even when I don’t like them or approve of what they do). On another level, by playing this game with my girls, I feel like I’m healing something deep within me that I’ve carried around for most of my life – the belief that my value as a human being is based on certain conditional, material, or external factors (accomplishments, appearance, approval of others, status, money, outward “success,” etc.)

How about you? How much of your own worth do you place in the hands of other people’s opinions, material success, or other outside factors or influences? If you’re anything like me and many of the people I know and work with, probably quite a bit (or at least more than is probably healthy or ideal).

This belief that many of us carry that we have to do specific things, produce certain results, look a particular way (and so on), in order to be acceptable, valuable, and lovable, causes a great deal of stress, pressure, and suffering in our lives.

From a very early age most of us have been doing whatever we can (in various ways based on our personality, background, and orientation) to gain approval and love from those around us. It starts with our parents, siblings, and family members when we’re very young. As children and adolescents, it extends out to our teachers, coaches, and especially our friends. As we move into adulthood it continues to expand to include our colleagues, clients; anyone we deem “important” to our success in life.

While there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with our desire to have the respect, admiration, and appreciation of those around us or to accomplish our most important goals, we often give away our power, consciously or unconsciously, to the people, circumstances, and results (or lack thereof) in our lives.

What if we stopped doing this so much? Our true value has nothing to do with any of these external factors. At the deepest level, we’re valuable as human beings just because we’re us – not because of what we do, how we look, what people think of us, or what we produce or accomplish. What would your life look like if you got this, embodied it, and lived from this perspective?

How can you start loving, accepting, and appreciating yourself (i.e. getting your inherent value) just because you’re you? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

 

 

Read more by Mike Robbins:

Are You Addicted to Struggle? by Mike Robbins

The Benefits of Tears by Mike Robbins

READ: What The Buddha Might Say To Mitt Romney by Ed and Deb Shapiro

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. Buddha

One of the truly great things in life is to discover our genuine and authentic self, to dance to the beat of our own drum. And so, conversely, one of the greatest challenges is to know what we think, feel, and believe, for ourselves. It is far easier to agree with others, or be influenced by them to believe as they do, than it is to be firm in our own convictions.

Trying to please others by always agreeing with them, or saying what he thinks they want to hear even if it means constantly contradicting himself, is an obvious trait of Mitt Romney’s. He appears to have no idea what he really thinks, feels, and believes for himself. As a result he is constantly flip-flopping to fit in with current policies. Hence the comparison to Etch-A-Sketch. For instance:

Flip: “I saw my father march with Martin Luther King.” Flop: “I did not see it with my own eyes.”

Flip: “Roe v. Wade has gone too far.” Flop: “I believe that since Roe v. Wade has been the law for 20 years we should sustain and support it.”

Flip: “I respect and will protect a woman’s right to choose.” Flop: “I never really called myself pro-choice.”

Flip: “I have a gun of my own. I go hunting myself. I’m a member of the NRA and believe firmly in the right to bear arms.” Flop: Asked by reporters at the gun show whether he personally owned a gun, Romney said he did not.

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. Buddha

Another word for flip flop is confusion. When we are confused we lose sight of what is real or where we are going. This is what can happen when money and power take over and add to the delusion that we are invincible.  The Buddha taught of the dangers of greed, hatred and ignorance, that he called the three poisons. Where greed grabs our desires, hatred abuses our fears, while ignorance clouds our vision.

Greed has many relatives, such as jealousy, ambition, self-centeredness, pride, and grasping, which lead to dissatisfaction, irritation, even depression. The craving to possess generates a fear of not having and limits our generosity. Romney personifies greed, not just in his many houses and cars, but in his desperate desire to win, no matter how.

Hate is destructive, indiscriminate, like a snake it can rise up out of nowhere and attack. When we are fixed in the belief that we are right then anything that questions or threatens that belief becomes the enemy to be done away with. Such hatred becomes its own worst enemy, however, for no matter how much we try to annihilate the hated one the hate remains within us.

Words have power to destroy or heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world. Buddha

Where hatred closes our heart, delusion makes us believe there is a permanent, separate and fixed ‘me,’ which means we take ourselves much too seriously; it is the belief that ‘me’ is all-powerful, and the ignorance of our essential connectedness with others.  But when we constantly focus on ourselves we create suffering; such selfishness means there is no room for kindness or compassion.

When we met with the Dalai Lama, he said to us: “We are all equal here.” This is something that Mitt Romney seems to have a real difficulty with, as he continues making insensitive comments such as: “I like being able to fire people who provide services to me,” and how his wife Anne “drives a couple of Cadillacs”. Or, as Arianna Huffington said in her last Sunday Roundup blog: “Mitt Romney once again failed to defuse the dog-on-car-roof controversy, conceding that if given the chance he’d do things differently — not because it was cruel but because of the flak he’s received in the ensuing years.”

Surely it’s time for Mitt to stop trying to be loved and convince everyone he is the man of the people. He comes across as hopelessly awkward when he attempts to put himself in someone else’s shoes or equate himself with their problems, such as saying that he too was unemployed while at the same time having $100 million in the bank. Rather, it’s time for him to discover who he is and what he genuinely believes.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Dalai Lama

Ed and Deb Shapiro are the authors of BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, with forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman and Winner of the 2010 Nautilus Gold Book Award. Deb is the author of the bestselling book, YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND, winner of the 2007 Visionary Book Award. They are featured bloggers on Oprah.com/spirit, HuffingtonPost.com/Living, and Care2.com. They have 3 meditation CD’s: Metta — Loving Kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi – Breath Awareness and Insight; and Yoga Nidra – Inner Conscious Relaxation. See: www.EdandDebShapiro.com

 

Read more from VividLife.me bloggers:

Compassion The Dalai Lama Way by Ed and Deb Shapiro

Shortly after we were married we went to India and spent our honeymoon in ashrams and monasteries, and then in McCleod Ganj, where the Dalai Lama lives in exile in northern India along with other Tibetan refugees who have escaped Chinese rule in Tibet. Once there we went to the Office of Securities to request a meeting with the Dalai Lama.

What Is Compassion by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Recently, a woman I met told me about her daughter who is living in South America. Her daughter is being threatened by a powerful crime family for setting up a business in their geographic area. The mother said, “I just told her, when the universe knocks you around it’s because you need to be knocked around. It’s to make you stronger for something coming down the road. You have to take it!”

 

Technorati Tags: appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, Happiness, inspiration, personal development, self-discovery, Spirituality

READ: There Is Only Plan A – A Journey Toward Self-Discovery and Renewed Purpose by Klay S. Williams

As children, we were asked, “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” This question conjures up monumental abstracts of people fulfilling wonderful posts in the world without an eraser to correct our explosive dreams. Today, as adults, we stop asking ourselves this question and transition into a life that is safe, predictable, and monotonous, lacking substance even on our best day. Because we are still “growing” as individuals, self-discovery of one’s Plan A is not restricted to our 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s. However, the importance of this journey lies in the realization that Plan A must take place in order for us to truly experience life. Plan A does not discriminate against age disparities, but does discriminate against inefficient levels of existing. We will never miss our window of opportunity to function at the highest level of our capabilities, as long as we seek out the universal plan that is our individual mission in the world. Ask, receive, and begin in yourself an undeniable path of work that will stretch you beyond your understanding—a movement that will utilize every untapped gift inside of you that you’ve always fantasized expressing, giving you the courage to move beyond structures that have paralyzed your ability to act and a spiritual journey that will invite you to live again.

Plan A is the discovery, recognition, and acceptance of one’s calling and purpose in life. It’s the sustaining measures of the journey that you will embark upon in hopes of conquering your dream. It’s the lived experience and specialness that are your task and mission while here on earth. While the stories, thoughts, and explanations that you will bear witness to are a part of my personal experience, it is my belief that there is a universal experience that is common when seeking to obtain your own Plan A. The philosophy of Plan A operates under a specific formula, which serves as a pilot for guidance, realization, cultivation, lived experience, and release.

Plan A Formula

God
We ask how we may be of service to God/the Universe and humanity



Vision
God then gives us a vision or discovery of our Plan A



Belief
It is then imperative that we offer the vibration of belief and faith to support our Plan A



Hard Work
Perseverance and hard work then carry us through the often-tumultuous journey of resistance toward fulfilling our Plan A



Surrender
After doing everything humanly possible to accomplish our goal, we must surrender our dream and trust in a higher power to realize our Plan A
Plan A simply asks the question, “Does my life reflect who I was called to be?” from an interior and exterior point of reference. Am I offering my very best person to the world, to my area of work, and—most importantly—to myself? There is an unexplainable feeling that you will experience by submitting to the energy that the Universe offers. Perfection is not required in order to live a life powered by Plan A. The only requirement of Plan A is complete trust in an unfamiliar route you may never have traveled before, but wholly believe in. After discovering your Plan A, life will appear to start again. New senses will arise and different states of being will exist. You will look back at your old life and wonder, “Who in the world was that?”

Unbeknownst to us, Plan A has always been working in our lives, but has required us to recognize its call, understand its meaning, and make peace with the gift that is bestowed to each of us. Understanding our Plan As might come to us through unconventional mediums, as you will discover through my experience. However, sometimes the key that unlocks a world of difference and meaning could literally be right in front of us, but goes without acknowledgment. There are no coincidences in life, and as soon as we acknowledge this understanding, the more alert our senses will become and the more we will take advantage of being present in the moment. The call of Plan A would be easier for us to recognize and obtain if we give ourselves permission to slow down and take each second, minute, and hour as a precious gift. Our lives will become more defined and we will no longer dance in the waves of life by ourselves; we will receive a partner who will confidently take our hand—leading and guiding, until it’s our turn to make the next move.

Responding to our Plan As is the greatest gift of gratitude we could give to God, the Universe for giving us life and unique special talents. Not acting upon our individual modes of purpose inevitably robs the world of the natural progression towards a balanced level of enlightenment, peace, and collective harmony.

Klay S. Williams is the author of There Is Only Plan A—A Journey Toward Self-Discovery and Renewed Purpose, and co-owner of Harrison Williams, a lifestyle consulting firm based in New York City (www.harrisonwilliams.com). Klay conducts personal client sessions, workshops, seminars and lectures nationally. Through his leadership and unique philosophy of “There Is Only Plan A,” Klay has unlocked a singular powerhouse where individuals can learn how to live their complete and best life. Read more about Klay’s book at:
www.barnesandnobles.com  www.amazon.com  www.smashwords.com

 

Connect with Klay on your favorite social media:
www.twitter.com/PlanAwithKlay
www.facebook.com/PlanAwithKlay

Read more from VividLife.me bloggers:

The Point of Authentic Inquiry by Gangaji

There is a point that appears in a lifetime, regardless of chronological age, when healthy, true doubt appears. We doubt what we have been taught, and we doubt what others insist we must believe. This is the point at which true spiritual inquiry can begin.

Letting go of old structures by Tony Samara

“In the world today people are saying to themselves, that we have had enough of the old paradigms and the old systems and we want to change.  We don’t know what we want to change, we don’t know how to change but we want to change and that clarity creates a power that has a very real and powerful effect in the world.  It changes what most people thought a few years ago was quite impossible to change and that is not even through conscious spiritual work, that is just through the intention being so strong that it changes and pushes away the old paradigms so that there is the possibility and the space that allows the birth of something new.

 

 

 

READ: How Managing Your Image Can Change Your Life by Ryan Lock

Every celebrity and nearly all major brands have them: a PR team of dedicated professionals to manage their image, change how they are perceived and draw attention to the good things that they do!

There is a great quote that reads ‘everything you say and do is public relations’. Hiring a PR agency or a publicist is just a way of focusing and refining the messages that you want to send out, but the truth is we are sending out messages all day long with the things we say, do and put out into the world.

The truth is, the same marketing and PR principles can be applied to your own life to take you from where you are to where you want to be, whether it’s drawing more attention to your business, playing up your good points at work for that promotion or deciding to change your image for a brand new you! Here are my top tips:

Who do you want to be?

In order to effectively change anything, you need to be clear on who and what you want to be and how you want to be seen. Take stock of where you are right now – is it working for you and what specifically do you want to change?

Before you can go about changing anything it’s really important to be clear about the direction you want to go in. What does your new image look like? If you’re going for a promotion at work, how will the new executive version of you look? Will you need to dress differently? Be really clear and gather inspiration such as photos or inspirational writing.

Once you have had an honest look at where you are right now, decide where you want to be – how does that look?

Play to your strengths

What makes you unique? Sit down and think about your story and what stands out, how and why is it special? Play up those points. What have you done that is remarkable? When taking on new clients one of the first things a publicist will try to find out is what makes that person or product special and interesting, and then go about letting as many people know about them as possible.

If you’re writing your CV, at a job interview or even on a first date, play up your good points. What makes you irresistible? Why are you the best for the job? Telling people something is one thing, showing them is another. When it comes to your personal or business life, strive to be the best you can be.

Watch your social media

To refer to my earlier point, everything you say and do is public relations. Especially when it comes to your social media. What you put on Facebook and Twitter dictates how people will see you, which can either be a very good thing, or a total disaster!

Whatever your personal opinion about how Facebook or Twitter should work or how the world should be, social media are public forums. It’s a well-known fact that employers check interviewees Facebook pages to get a better idea of the real them, and the same can be said for first dates.

Be careful with party photos. They might look fun at the time, but they can come back to haunt you and don’t give a good impression to potential employers or clients. Some companies even have a clause in their employment contracts stating that all employees’ social media must reflect the values of the business!

Look through your Facebook posts, photos and info, and your tweets. Are they in keeping with how you want to be seen? Be selective.

Look the part

Now that you’ve decided on how you want to be seen, you need to look the part. Dress for who you want to be, speaking like the best version of yourself. Model yourself on people who embody your aspirations.

In just a few short years fashion designer Marc Jacobs went from a dowdy looking wallflower to an absolute hunk! He hit the gym, changed his clothes and his style and he has never been in the press more.

Let’s take the promotion at work scenario. Are you looking like an executive? Are you as smart as you could be? Do you look successful and well-groomed and confident? Be deliberate with your image, what do you want it to say? Dress and present yourself as who you want to be.

Let people know

You can have the best offer in the world, or be as fabulously talented as you like, but unless people know about it, it’s like shouting in a noisy, crowded room. You know what you’re saying, but no one else does. Let people know, not by your words but by your actions!

You’ve decided what your new image is, you’ve played up your strengths and accentuated the good points, you’re careful with the messages you’re sending out through social media and you look the part – now you need to let people know.

If you run a business, would local media be interested in your story? If you are working for a company, show them how good you are by doing a better job, looking your best and being consistent with the messages you are sending out.

If you would like to know more about working with me please email ryan@theryanjamesconsultancy.com for a free consultation about your brand or project and how I can help.

Ryan is the founder/director of The Ryan James Consultancy, a public relations, marketing and social media consultancy specialising in the lifestyle/wellbeing sector and the editor/founder of MungBeansandChampagne.com, a lifestyle and product guide for busy, health conscious professionals.

Follow him on twitter @RyanJamesLock

 

Read more from VividLife.me bloggers:

Because I Can by Edie Weinstein

I have long appreciated these words because they speak so clearly to a calling I heard as a child and was modeled for me by my parents who in addition to their full time jobs both in and out of the house,  were dedicated life long volunteers into their 80′s. It wasn’t a sense of less- than- greater- than in terms of relationship with anyone to whom they lent a helping hand. Sometimes it was anonymous. They were also just plain kind people, smiling at ‘strangers’ on the street, laughing and playing with children who crossed their paths,

The Secret’s to Your Challenges by Brandon Krieger

It’s 6:30am again and I’ve been thinking about the 2012 energy shift and the challenges people are facing before the New Paradigm Shift. Pretty heavy right?

In the last few months I’ve heard of people going through problems that would put people in psychiatric wards. It’s like everything that’s unresolved is all coming up at one time. For example if they had debt that they just put in the back of their mind and because they just couldn’t deal with it. Recently the creditors decided to call them on a daily basis if not hourly.  Plus that same person would have issues at work, sickness coming on and people who they thought were challenging in their lives now have escalated. Now they are just being terrible to them for no reason.

 

 

Technorati Tags: inspiration, Mung Beans and Champagne, Personal Image, Publicity, Ryan Lock, self actualization, self help, vivid life

READ: Are You Addicted to Struggle? by Mike Robbins

During a session I was having with my new coach last week it became clear to me that I’ve been addicted to struggle for much of my life. While I wasn’t super excited to admit this, it has actually been quite liberating to address my struggle addiction directly and to see how it impacts just about every aspect of my life and work. How about you… are you addicted to (or at least very familiar with) struggling in your own life?

As I’ve thought about it more over this past week, I realize that I have some real resistance to allowing things to come easy and that my attachment to struggling runs deep within me (as it does for so many people I know and work with). Here are some of the main “reasons” I’ve used and beliefs I’ve held for many years to justify my own struggling:

If I don’t have to struggle for something, it doesn’t really mean all that much
If things come easy to me, other people will get jealous, won’t like me, and/or won’t respect me
It’s not fair for things to be easy for me (i.e. I have to struggle) – especially with so many people having such a hard time these days
I actually get off on struggling and suffering – I’m quite familiar with it and I’ve used it as motivation to change and “succeed” for much of my life
My ability to work hard, overcome adversity, and rise above challenges are all things my ego uses to feel superior to others
If I don’t struggle for something, when it happens I won’t feel like I deserve it
Struggling allows me to avoid taking responsibility for certain aspects of my life and keeps me “focused” so I get to avoid uncomfortable feelings, situations, and circumstances I don’t really want to deal with
Can you relate to any of these? Maybe you have others as well.

Getting in touch with some of these reasons and beliefs has been both painful and eye opening at the same time. As I think, talk, and write about them – I realize how ridiculous some of them are and how much of my life’s energy I’ve been giving away to them in the process.

It’s almost like I’m walking around worried that someone’s going to say me, “Mike, you have it so easy,” and I’m preparing my defensive responses, “Oh yeah, well let me tell you how hard I work, how challenging things have been for me, and how much stuff I’ve had to overcome along the way.” What’s up with this? It’s like I’m preparing for a fight that doesn’t even exist. Do you ever do that?

While working hard, overcoming challenges and adversity, and being passionately committed to important and complex things in our lives aren’t inherently bad – resisting ease and being attached to struggle causes me and so many of us a great deal of stress, worry, and pain. And, in many cases this difficulty is totally self-induced and unnecessary.

What if we allowed things to be easier? What if we started to speak about and own the aspects of our lives that are actually easy to us and started to expect things to get even easier? What if we let go of our attachment (or addiction, as it were) to struggle? Easy doesn’t mean lazy – that we aren’t willing to work in a passionate way, or that we expect a “free ride” – it means that we’re willing to have things work out, trust that all is well, and allow life to flow in a positive and elegant way for us.

Our desire and ability to embrace ease in our life isn’t selfish, arrogant, or unrealistic – it’s profoundly optimistic (in an authentic way) and can actually enhance our ability to impact others. The more energy and attention we place on surviving, getting by, or even “striving” for success – the less available we are to give, serve, and make a difference for other people. Although it may seem counter-intuitive to us, letting go of our addiction to struggle is one of the best ways we can show up for those around us – both by our example and with our freed up positive energy.

My coach suggested that I start wearing a “struggle patch,” like a nicotine patch that people wear in their process of breaking an addiction to smoking. While at first it seemed a little ridiculous, I actually took her up on the suggestion and put on a band aid as a representation of my “struggle patch.” I’m allowing the band aid to represent my own commitment to break this addiction and it actually has been altering my perception of myself and my life. Feel free to use this technique yourself!

As Richard Bach famously stated, “Argue for your limitations and they’re yours.” What if we stopped arguing on behalf of how “hard” things are, and started to allow our life to be filled with more peace and ease, instead of perpetuating the struggle? While the idea of things authentically being easy may not be, ironically, the easiest thing for you to embrace – I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to take this on in your life and become more comfortable with it… maybe it will actually be easier than you think!

Are you addicted to struggling? How does this manifest in your life? What can you do to let go of struggle and allow things to be easier? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

 

 

 

Read more from VividLife.me bloggers:

The Benefits of Tears by Mike Robbins

Something extraordinary happened at Candlestick Park in San Francisco two Saturdays ago, January 14th.  Sure it was an amazing ending to an NFL playoff game between the San Francisco 49ers and the New Orleans Saints (which the Niners won in dramatic fashion, making all of us fans here in the Bay Area very happy); but the monumental win wasn’t was made it so remarkable to me.

ENERGETIC REBIRTH By Cynthia James

We are living in accelerated times. Everyone is moving fast. The level of information that is bombarding us is staggering. My clients consistently talk about feeling over-amped and overwhelmed. As I began to think about these facts, it came to me that it is time that we consider “energetic rebirth”. That means that we are called to inventory how many places are draining our energy and find new ways to become vital.

 

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