READ: Because I Can by Edie Weinstein

“I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again.”

Stephen Grellet (2 November 1773 – 16 November 1855), a French born Quaker missionary was the  likely author, according to Wikipedia, but this quote has been attributed to William Penn, Mahatma Gandhi and Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I have long appreciated these words because they speak so clearly to a calling I heard as a child and was modeled for me by my parents who in addition to their full time jobs both in and out of the house,  were dedicated life long volunteers into their 80′s. It wasn’t a sense of less- than- greater- than in terms of relationship with anyone to whom they lent a helping hand. Sometimes it was anonymous. They were also just plain kind people, smiling at ‘strangers’ on the street, laughing and playing with children who crossed their paths, offering a listening ear to anyone who happened to need it. In my childhood home in Willingboro, NJ,  we had a ‘helping hand’ sign in our front window as a signal to the neighborhood kids that ours was a ‘safe house’ in case they were in any danger.  When my parents retired to sunny South Florida, the children in the condo community would stop by to visit. The last Halloween my mom was alive, some of them came into her living room, dressed in costume and were greeted with a hug and candy. I was heartened by witnessing that they were more focused on time with her than the treats she gave them.

They encouraged us to be grateful for what we had and to share it when we could, whether it was material, financial or experiential.

I was on a trajectory throughout my life to become a ‘helping’ professional and these days, it takes the form of being a licensed social worker, interfaith minister, transformational writer and inspirational speaker. I am also known as the ‘go to’ person for promotion of folks’ service work in the world. On a daily basis, friends approach me with the request…”can you spread the word about my writing, music, art, cause…..?”  I always say yes, simply because I can. I’m not a saint, believe me, but I also know that if I have the wherewithal to do something, and if in any way possible, I can use my gift as a connector to stir up more love in the world, then it feels incumbent on me to do so. I have many friends who feel the same way and am gratified to see them do it and delighted to see the results of their kindness. On the flip side, I have also sadly observed that out of fear of competition, there have been others who haven’t been as free with their energies. My experience has been that when one succeeds, all succeed; when one reaches a hand out, it elevates all of us. Through the years, I have been the recipient of the sweetness of ‘fairy godmothers’ and ‘fairy godfathers’ who have opened doors for me and I have willingly done the same for others. I invite you to take any opportunity to don your invisible wings and flap them in support of those who cross your path.

http://youtu.be/f2H-GiiDfnE Try A Little Kindness by Glen Campbell

Rev. Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a Renaissance Woman and Bliss Mistress who delights in inviting people to live rich, full, juicy lives. Edie is an internationally recognized, sought after, colorfully creative journalist, interviewer and author, a dynamic and inspiring speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, offering uniquely designed spiritual rituals. In addition, she is a PR Goddess, promoting events and transformational teachers, healers, writers and artists. She speaks on the subjects of wellness, spirituality, sexuality, creativity, time management, recovery, body image, mindfulness, self esteem, stress management, re-creating yourself, caring for the caregiver, loss and grief. She is a frequent guest on radio and TV. Edie is currently writing her first best selling book entitled The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming the Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and is offering a workshop for women who want to re-create their lives, based on those concepts. A 20 year old journalistic vision came to pass in July of 2008 when she interviewed His Holiness The Dalai Lama. It was a potent reminder to never, ever, ever give up on our dreams. Over the years, Edie has written for mainstream and transformational publications. She has interviewed hundred of notables in the transformational fields, including Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Debbie Ford, Leonard Peltier, Shirley MacLaine, Michael Beckwith, Jonathan Goldman, Gregg Braden, Neale Donald Walsch, Mary Manin Morrissey, Dan Millman, Alan Cohen, Ram Dass, Jack Canfield, Jean Shinoda Bolen, Patch Adams, Ben and Jerry, Donna DeLory, James Twyman, Elizabeth Lesser, Michael Franti and Jean Houston. Her website is http://www.liveinjoy.org 

Read more from VividLife.me bloggers:

Crazy Whirled by Edie Weinstein

Music feeds my soul and singer songwriters are the farmers whose craft of cultivating fertile fields of rhythm and rhyme, harmony and lyric, bring to the table all manner of nourishment. I am blessed to know many talented musicians in this genre. Among them are a foursome that call themselves…

How to Deal with Anxiety Using the Power of Positive Affirmations by Chantal Beaupre

It can be difficult to do anything with your normal passion and excitement if you are feeling anxious. Anxiety can squelch your motivation and control your life – if you let it. If you have experienced an anxiety attack, you may be fearful of having another one; but living in such fear means you are living in a state of perpetual anxiety. This can happen just because you are afraid of the anxiety itself!

 

Technorati Tags: Glen Campbell, Mahatma Gandhi, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Stephen Grellet, Try A Little Kindness, Wikipedia, WIlliam Penn

READ: ‘Margin Call’ dissects the financial meltdown with keen precision

“Margin Call” (2011). Cast: Zachary Quinto, Kevin Spacey, Paul Bettany, Jeremy Irons, Stanley Tucci, Demi Moore, Mary McDonnell, Simon Baker, Penn Badgley, Aasif Mandvi. Director: J.C. Chandor. Screenplay: J.C. Chandor. http://margincallmovie.com/

The economy has been on everyone’s mind for several years now, and many have justifiably pondered how we got ourselves into this mess. But, as is becoming increasingly clear, the causes go beyond economics, having as much to do with human nature and what we create as it does with money. These questions are examined in meticulous detail in the Wall Street drama, “Margin Call,” now available on DVD.

In 2008, with the economy on the brink of a largely unforeseen meltdown, Peter Sullivan (Zachary Quinto), a junior financial risk analyst for a major investment bank, unwittingly makes an ominous discovery that has staggering implications for his company. Having been assigned the risk analysis work of his recently laid-off senior colleague, Eric Dale (Stanley Tucci), Peter concludes that the firm is overextended and on the verge of collapse. Upon making this discovery, Peter calls in the firm’s higher-ups (Paul Bettany, Kevin Spacey, Simon Baker, Demi Moore, Jeremy Irons), who concur with his findings and begin assessing what to do (and who to blame). Management is ultimately faced with making some difficult choices, namely, (1) taking drastic measures to save the company, even if that potentially means shafting investors and staff in the process, or (2) failure. Over the course of the next day, the powers-that-be debate the options of how to proceed – and how to live with their decisions. This becomes especially difficult, too, when the one person they need most to help sort out matters – Eric Dale – is nowhere to be found.

The economic crisis of the past several years (and its prelude, as presented in this film) is a prime example of what conscious creation practitioners call a “mass event,” one in which each of us contributes to its manifestation. And, in scenarios like this, as Shakespeare observed, we each play our respective parts on the global stage, fleshing out the probabilities we have each chosen to examine as part of our exploration into physical existence. We each choose to delve into different aspects of that grand drama; some of us look at “success” and others probe “failure,” some of us examine the ethics of our actions and others disregard them completely, some of us consider the well-being of everyone while others only look out for themselves, and we all do this within the context of a bigger picture that deals with a common theme.

To that end, “Margin Call” does an excellent job of depicting the foregoing as it applies to the world of finance (and its impact on all other areas of life). The audience is presented with all points of view, treating them more or less equally, without judgment, showing that each has its own degree of legitimacy, whether or not one would personally agree (or disagree) with any particular outlook. While it’s clear that director J.C. Chandor has a viewpoint of his own in telling this story, he’s also very careful to present everyone’s outlook fairly, showing the inherent validity of each of those views, regardless of whether he (or others) are likely to dispute them, for understanding the thinking behind those differences in outlooks is crucial if we ever hope to reconcile them.

These viewpoints are reflected in the personas of the key players, providing the audience with symbolic representations of the various lines of probability each chooses to explore. For example, for Peter’s boss, Sam Rogers (Spacey), the ethical implications of how the company plans to resolve its problems are almost more than he can handle. At the same time, for Sam’s boss, John Tuld (Irons), doing whatever is “necessary” is seen merely as part of what it takes to survive in the market – and what anyone (or any entity) concerned with its continued viability would do if its existence were threatened. As for Peter, who stumbles upon the issue triggering the crisis, it’s one thing to be shocked at the ramifications of what’s about to unfold, but that doesn’t mean one’s outrage can’t be set aside when personal survival is on the line, an attitude that he quietly maintains but isn’t afraid to tap when the need arises.

Tied up in this are several other significant conscious creation themes, such as the principle I refer to as “un-conscious creation” or “creation by default,” wherein the manifestation process is allowed to unfold without any sense of personal awareness and/or without any concern for the consequences. For instance, it’s apparent on a number of occasions that those at the highest ranks of management, such as Jared Cohen (Baker) and Tuld, have little understanding of what’s really going on. They often request that technical explanations of what’s transpiring be put into “plain English,” clearly revealing their incompetence about the areas over which they’re supposed to have oversight. That’s a scary prospect to consider, especially if the lack of economic expertise in the management of just this one fictional firm is any indication of what prevails in the real-world financial marketplace. Indeed, if this depiction is accurate, it really shouldn’t come as any surprise why the financial industry is in the mess it’s in. With economic creation by default allowed to run amok, chaos shouldn’t be seen as an unexpected result.

So why did things go so terribly wrong? In large part, it seems that the firm placed too much reliance on exotic financial formulas, letting the numbers do the work, rather than requiring engaged human beings to be personally involved in the wealth creation process. However, when the numbers are left to their own devices and don’t perform as expected, trouble ensues. Dale apparently tried warning management of this problem before his dismissal and before the issue got out of hand, but, since they either didn’t understand the explanations (see above) or were too unconcerned to pay attention to them, the warnings went unheeded. This thus points to another intrinsic quality of creation by default, the abrogation of responsibility. And that’s significant, for without the tempering influence of responsibility, conscious creation can get out of hand. It’s like a garden hose turned on full blast with no one gripping the nozzle; the outflow sprays all over everything, making a mess of all it touches.

Of course, when things go wrong like this, practitioners of un-conscious creation naturally look for scapegoats, and that’s certainly the case here. The top brass certainly has no intention of taking the fall, so they proceed to review the list of vulnerable candidates. Dale probably would have made the “ideal” choice, but since he’s already been let go, someone else needs to take the hit. Fellow analyst Sarah Robertson (Moore) seems like a possible candidate, given that she didn’t see the problem coming, as does Cohen, mainly because he’s caught in the middle, and that’s always a good place to cut when financial straits become dire. Or perhaps both of them should go; after all, they’re both pointing fingers at one another, which makes it plausible that they each may have had a role in the onset of this catastrophe. No matter how things shake out, though, this is more evidence of the abrogation of responsibility and creation by default allowed to run out of control.

The most damaging fallout from all this, though, is on those who didn’t see any of this coming, namely, the investors and the firm’s employees. Those who had the least involvement in the creation process bear the greatest brunt in terms of financial losses and pink slips. This illustrates the inherent connectedness involved in the conscious creation process, something we should all bear in mind as we go about manifesting the reality around us. Even if it seems like our participation in the process is limited, we’re nevertheless still part of it, just by virtue of our inherent connectedness to the overall whole. We might not be the ones holding the nozzle of the garden hose, but that doesn’t mean we still can’t get wet from it.

So must we settle for these circumstances? Or can we create something different? In one of his more impassioned observations, Tuld “explains things” to Sam: “It’s just money; it’s made up. Pieces of paper with pictures on it so we don’t have to kill each other just to get something to eat. It’s not wrong. And it’s certainly no different today than it’s ever been. … And you and I can’t control it, or stop it, or even slow it. Or even ever so slightly alter it. We just react. And we make a lot of money if we get it right. And we get left by the side of the road if we get it wrong. … Yeah, there may be more of us today than there’s ever been. But the percentages – they stay exactly the same.”

But this viewpoint speaks to a mindset that is increasingly losing support. With the rise of activist movements like Occupy Wall Street, things do seem different this time. It seems there’s a possibility for real change going forward, especially now that more people have become wise to what has been going on all along and are employing a heightened sense of awareness to the manifestation process. Even though Tuld and his real-world peers may have believed that the downturn that began in 2008 would be no different from those that periodically occurred as far back as 1637, they hadn’t counted on a change in the mass consciousness in proclaiming their assessments, and that component just might make the difference this time. After all, as Albert Einstein observed, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them,” but now that new thinking is entering the equation, those who have been stumping for the status quo just might find themselves surprised this time, and in large part thanks to conscious creation.

“Margin Call” didn’t draw much attention when it was first released last fall, but its profile has risen of late with several award nominations, including an Academy Award nod for best original screenplay and Independent Spirit Award nominations for best first feature and best first screenplay, as well as the ISA Robert Altman Award for best casting and performing ensemble. Filmmaker J.C. Chandor has done an excellent job writing and directing this debut release, getting great performances out of each of his cast members. The script has a slight tendency to get talky at times, but its detail, balance and authenticity save the day, taking a complicated and potentially dry subject and making it engaging.

Mark Twain noted that history seldom repeats itself, but it often rhymes, an observation especially applicable in the world of finances. This likely has more to do with what we create than with the forces of the market, something of which we’re beginning to become increasingly aware. Movies like “Margin Call” help to alert us to these conditions, and one can only hope that we heed its message to truly make a difference, not only in what we reap, but also in what we sow.

Copyright © 2012, by Brent Marchant. All rights reserved.

 

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READ: Why Resolutions Fail and How You Don’t Have To by Shasta Townsend

Happy 2012! There is something wonderful about the turning of the calendar into a new year. It is that feeling that anything is possible. It is that feeling of getting a second chance. It is the feeling that this year finally I will get it right.

So many people make New Year’s resolutions just hoping that maybe this year they will make the changes they want for themselves and their lives. And so many people will fail.

I love New Year’s but I know resolutions don’t work.

Resolutions are based on the idea that there is something wrong with you and your life – that there is something you need to change and if you can change then and only then will you be happy. Resolutions require a lot of hard work and this hard work is often based on the idea of unworthiness, self-loathing and lack. If only you could lose that last ten pounds or stop smoking or eat better then you would be worthy and happy. Resolutions don’t work for you because ultimately they make you feel bad, they are overwhelming AND they are not based in an uplifting energy. No one wants to feel bad or overwhelmed so you get gung-ho for a while (like a week) and you don’t smoke but then it feels hard so you have just one cigarette and then you feel bad and overwhelmed which only makes you want to smoke more so you do and then before you know it you are smoking a pack a day and it is only January 15. Whoo.

Rather than resolve how about you use the new year to REMEMBER…

Remember your truth…You are an infinite, powerful, amazing creator who is supported by an infinitely loving Divine Source. In other words there is nothing wrong with you. This doesn’t change because you smoke.

Remember your value…You are a wonderful person whose smoking, over-eating or whatever action you don’t like does NOT determine your value. Live a great life based on your value. Quit smoking because you want to feel good not because someone says smoking is bad.

Remember your joy…Life is not about being perfect. It is about having purpose, joy, love and ease. So maybe it is time to find deeper purpose and joy so that you don’t even want to smoke.

Once you REMEMBER then ask what is my intention?

For me when I REMEMBER my truth and I begin to let go of the voices, ideas and thoughts that keep me small and contained. The same voices that tell me something is wrong with me and I need to change. We all need evolution and expansion but what if we sought it from a place of possibility rather than self-loathing?

When I remember my truth I say, YES, anything is possible. Then from this standpoint of possibility I ask myself what do I INTEND to create this year? What do I want to step into? What fun do I want to have? What do I want to gift myself and the world with this year?

THEN…I have a clear intention.

THEN…Actions follow naturally and not because I am forcing it.

Feel the difference in these statements:

I need to lose 10 pounds so I will force myself to go to Yoga everyday and put over 5 kilometres on the treadmill each day.

OR

I intend to feel alive, whole and at peace in my body so I will commit to healthy practices that help me do this such as daily Yoga practice, eating more alive food and walking over 5 kilometers everyday. I use these tools to help me celebrate my body.

So what is your remembrance, intention and natural actions?

For me…

My remembrance is anything is possible because I am Divine.

My remembrance is life is about play, joy and expansion.

My remembrance is I am a creator who seeks to BE love and light here now.

My intention is let’s see how far we can take all of the above in 2012 and truly be possibility!

Stay tuned for the actions. I know it will be a great year and a great ride!

Wishing you all deep remembrance and love,

Shasta

Remember to tune into Shasta’s Vivid Life Radio Show Possibility 101 every Wednesday at 4:00 pm eastern standard time on www.vividlife.me.

A celebrated transformational leader and a leading pioneer in embodied spirituality and Yoga, Shasta has inspired hundreds of people through her breakthrough methods for awakening and empowering your inner voice and divine power. Director, founder and senior teacher with Balanced Life Yoga, she delivers public talks, seminars and trainings on evolution and empowerment. She draws on a wide variety of techniques including Yoga, Shamanism, meditation, energy healing, coaching and the Law of Attraction. She is especially appreciated for her passionate way of allowing individuals to make sense of their world and embodied, holistic means to become the change they wish to see. As early as in her teenage years, Shasta embarked on her journey as a spiritual explorer which led her to India, where she studied yoga, meditation and energy healing. She has studied with many remarkable mentors and she has undergone thousands of hour’s intense practice of meditation and spiritual studies. Shasta has taken every opportunity to become adept in her field through her own practice as well as through extensive training in yoga, group dynamics, meditation and spiritual counseling. www.balancedlifeyoga.ca

Read more from VividLife.me bloggers:

How to Chill When Times Get Stressed by Ed and Deb Shapiro

India is an extraordinary country where you get to meet all sorts of unusual people. On a recent visit we had tea with Mary and Don, a fascinating couple, who were born-again Christians from Texas. For over twenty-five years they had been running a clinic for disabled and handicapped children, caring for the poorest of the poor in Chennai, South India. We found their sincerity and commitment to the suffering that surrounded them powerfully moving.

 

The Way of the Mouthy Warrior ~ Speak Your Truth by Shasta Townsend

Do you ever find you are just keeping quiet to keep the peace? I try to practice a high level of self-responsibility and sovereignty. I try to be present to my emotions and thoughts so that I am not reacting but responding. I don’t want to have temper tantrums or take everything personally. I want the freedom to decide how I will

READ: How Not To Shop Till You (Or Your Wallet) Drop by Carolyn Scott-Hamilton

Marathon shopping can really put strain on you as well as your wallet. In order to maintain sanity, health as well as money in your bank account for the rest of the year, it’s important to shop smart.  Check out a few of these tips before you flash your credit cards and get yourself into a wrapping frenzy:

• When heading out to shop, be sure you eat before leaving the house. Nothing kills your wallet and your stomach like fast or food court food.  Walk off your meal, that’s a better option ; )
• Bring a healthy snack with you so you’re not tempted to snack on trash.  It’s also handy when you find yourself starving in a long line with no end in sight.
• Wear comfortable shoes! Nothing kills a day of shopping like blisters and a headache. You need supportive and comfy shoes for holiday marathon shopping. Plus it makes it easier to run from sale to sale!
• If you’re shipping gifts that you are purchasing out and about, bring your address list with you. A lot of the times stores can ship for you directly from the store so it saves you a step.
• Speaking of shipping, know the cut off dates for packages to arrive on time. If you are a procrastinator, this tip will come in handy ; )
• When shopping online, be sure that the sites you are shopping are secured sites. You can tell that it is secured if the address reads https: and/or there is a lock icon with a secure company logo on the bottom of your window. If uncertain, don’t make the purchase or you will have a nightmare before Christmas!
• Be sure to add your coupon and promo codes at the right time before check out. Once you hit submit, sometimes it’s a hassle to get your discount.  Keep a window on your browser open to search for coupon codes of any store you are shopping at – you can save a pretty penny! Just cut and paste the codes into the promo window. Sometimes they don’t work but it’s always worth a shot!
• Gift giving etiquette – Don’t give a gift you wouldn’t like to receive. Sure, it’s the thought that counts however,  if you re-gift some used, crappy odd n’ end or pick something up from the 99 cent store on your way to a party, maybe it’s best to just get a nice card instead ; )  Words can sometimes be better than a tacky nick knack that screams “gas station gift rack”.
• Shop all year long – sounds like fun right? Actually, it’s a smart way to ensure that everyone on your list get something they actually want or speaks to their personality.  Ever see something and say “So and so would love that”. If you have the cash, buy it and save it in a special place instead of racking your brains Thanksgiving weekend wondering what you should get that so and so or where that cool thing was that you saw in July.  Think ahead as it will save you time, money and you look like the hero.  Also, keep notes of when the people on your list mention something they like or need – it really comes in handy during shopping season and your giftees will be overjoyed with your thoughtfulness ; )
• When in doubt, give a gift card!  You can get them virtually anywhere, in any denomination and the person o your list gets to go on a mini shopping spree, thanks to you!

Have a very happy, healthy and green gift giving season!

CLICK VividLife.me for more inspiration for living your ultimate life!!!

Carolyn Scott-Hamilton celebrated her 10 years as a vegan as well as an entrepreneur in 2009.  After college, Carolyn moved to Los Angeles from Miami in 1998.  Shortly after arriving and becoming vegan, she studied holistic nutrition as well as dabbled in the culinary arts before she opened Ineventions, originally a pr & event firm, it is now a full film, TV and web production branch under the umbrella of her original business.  With the access and addition of the new business arm, Carolyn was able to start realizing her dream of traveling and eating all over the world and so the Healthy Voyager was born in 2005.

Carolyn is an avid traveler but she found it quite difficult to find vegan friendly restaurants abroad.  She tired of having to pack her own foods or eat bread, fries and junky foods when she was away.  After realizing she could find and/or manipulate any menu to create a meal that satisfied her as well as her dining partners, she created the Healthy Voyager to show people that your dietary restrictions should not ruin you or your travel mates’ trip, be it business or pleasure.  She knew that many people must endure the same problems no matter what their diet may be from medical or ethical reasons to just wanting to keep slim. She started her blog to document every city and place she dined as a resource for the finickiest of travelers. She also realized it was a great resource for those who were traveling with others who did not share their special needs as her posts offered suggestions to restaurants that shared options for all types of foodies ; ) As of 2006, she and her husband, of opposing gastronomic tastes, have traveled and dined healthily and harmoniously while documenting it all on film for the Healthy Voyager Web Series and growing the Healthy Voyager brand.

Carolyn is the executive producer, creator, host and writer of The Healthy Voyager web series & radio show, site, blog, brand and social network. To connect with the Healthy Voyager, you may email her at Carolyn@healthyvoyager.com .

Technorati Tags: budget, gifts, green, Health, healthy, holiday, moneay saving, shopping, suggestions, time saving, tips

READ: Keep the Money Peace

Keep the Money Peace
How to create peace out of potentially difficult money situations this holiday season

By Christine Arylo

When you get down to what separates great, long-lasting partnerships from ones that start with the best intentions but fizzle out over time, there are a few very basic rules and behaviors that while seemingly common sense, most people don’t have a clue how to go about.

One of the most vital is HONESTY. When life is smooth, honesty is easy. It’s when the bumps come up that the temptation to fib, to disguise or avoid the truth seem like the simplest path. But over time, little lies  build to bigger lies and resentment – neither of which you want hanging around your relationship.

Especially with the holiday’s coming up, you could find yourself in all kinds of sticky situations that take your peace on earth and turn it into a whopping fight.

Here are some simple ways to make sure you keep Money Peace flowing in your relationships this holiday season:

Say You…

• Spend a chunk of change without consulting your partner
• Blow the budget you both agreed to
• Put something on credit when you’ve agreed you are paying off your debt

What NOT to Do…

1. Hide the bill and pray he/she never finds out.

2. Feel guilty, wait for them to figure it out and beg for forgiveness.

3. Sneak your misdemeanor into another conversation or get to them while they are busy or distracted.

4. Fess up but slough it off as not a big deal, you’ll find the money somewhere, after the holidays!

To Create Money Peace…

1. Admit to yourself that you acted outside of the agreements you had with your partner. You have to accept responsibility with yourself that your action was outside of either a stated or implied agreement (we always recommend having explicit agreements about money choices.) Face the music. Say out loud to yourself, “I chose to XX and I know that my action was outside of our agreements / expectations of each other.” And then take a deep breath (don’t skip the breath, it’s important to releasing your own emotions!) Coming clean with yourself will feel good and erase some of the guilt or apprehension. You can’t be honest with your partner if you aren’t first honest with yourself.  

2. Plainly and succinctly take responsibility with your partner and then tell them the facts.  This is not the time to go into some long story to justify your actions. Just own what you did, not with guilt but with honesty. First, ask for his/her attention to talk about something important. Second, state that you broke an agreement. And third, tell them the specifics. “Joe, I broke our agreement about making big purchases without talking to you about it. I bought XX today for $XX.” Then shut up.

3. Let your partner react. Before you get to the “Why” (which in your mind may either have been a good or bad reason) your partner will need to have their emotional response. Seriously, it’s the least you can do. Your job is just to listen. Let them have whatever feeling they have. Don’t try and defend yourself, unless you want to create a fight. This is also not the time to explain why. Just listen. If in your partner’s reaction, they ask why, include your response as part of step four, after you own it. (Note to Partner… You are allowed to honestly react but not to bludgeon, scream, attack, tear apart or try and make your partner – who is trying to be honest with you — feel guilty or ashamed. You can be angry but you still owe this person your respect and unconditional love. Be angry at the action, not the person… and DON’T take it personally, their action was not a personal attack on you.)

4. Own your action again, apologize for breaking the agreement and then, finally, you can share… not your defense but your heart.  Your simple response is, “You are right. I acted outside of our agreement. I am sorry.” Let that apology land. Then take a breath and say, “I’d like to share why I made this decision…” and then share with them, from your heart what motivated you to make the choice to spend money this way. Be vulnerable. Do not get defensive. Do not bring up any of their actions from the past to throw in their face. Remember, the two of you are on the same side, and have committed to helping each other be the best people you can be.

5. Create Conscious Next Steps.

          i.  Discuss the “Now what?” Come to agreement on how you manage any financial stress this may cause, and work together to make it work.

         ii.  Create an agreement or modify the previous one. Converse about what really works for you both and talk about it until you both feel really good.

        iii.  State your agreed to expectations out loud. This will make sure there is no confusion, and will eliminate the need for any secrets.

And my favorite last step to this whole process…

Pinky Swear on your agreement and then seal it with a smooch!

SPECIAL WAY TO AMP UP YOUR MONEY PEACE… Keeping the Money Peace isn’t always easy, but it is doable when you have the right mindset and some simple Money Zen skills of your own. To amp up your Money Zen skills, check out a MONEY PEACE POW WOW between Christine Arylo and her Money Dream Team – a spiritual minister, a Harvard PhD Economist, a serial entrepreneur and a MBA former financial analyst.  Anyone can listen and discover how to kick money fear out of your relationship and your life.  GO HERE TO ACCESS THE CALL

 

About Christine

Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches people how to put their most important partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the love and life their hearts and souls crave. The popular author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com, Arylo is known as the “Queen of Self-Love.” She created Madly in Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the world. Check out her free Self-Love Kit at  www.ChooseSelfLove.com

 

 

Technorati Tags: Finances, love, money, Relationships, selflove

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