I am a widower and the father of five children, age 11, 15, 22, 24 and 26. The two youngest children live with me, together with my oldest son, on a small farm where we keep hens, a cat and turtles.
My wife, Eva, died in 2003 one week after being admitted to hospital. It all happened very quickly. The last months of her life she had a constant headache, but we were never aware that something could be seriously wrong. Our physician only prescribed increasingly stronger medications. The cancer had by now gotten all out of control, and she finally died quietly and peacefully in her sleep one early morning in February. She let very beautifully go of her life.
The next few months I barely existed, but both my own family and that of my wife was there to help, and we supported each other.
After quite some time with lots of tears and despair, and questions of why, a transformation quietly started within me. A transformation which has truly turned my life upside down. I came in contact with ME. Not who I thought I was, or who I was brought up to be. My mother was extremely strict, and brought me up to be an obedient child. As a boy I quickly lost my self-confidence and worried easily. At the same time I was shy and afraid of everything unknown. I easily wept when told stories and was a very vulnerable and rather damaged little boy.
As I grew older, this upbringing, or rather training, manifested in an anger I got to know in my teens, and which has influenced my whole life as an adult. I was angry at everyone and everything. Everything was always someone else’s fault. When my children didn’t do as they were told, I would be furious. I was simply a pain in the neck for everyone in the family. The result was, of course, that I “lost” all of them, including Eva. They turned their backs on me as soon as they saw me, and would have nothing to do with me. I was devastated and felt betrayed and abandoned. Those last years were painful and sad. I had lost the love and joy in my life. Everything was a battle, and I was at my wits’ end.
What happened next, was that all the uneasiness I had felt, suddenly disappeared. It was as if a veil had loosened and behind it I saw a different person. That left me completely puzzled and I decided to contact a married couple, Pearl Shanti and Andiran Lodur-Lionheart, who specialized in self-development and conscious parenting.
I saw them one weekend every month for two and a half years. We dug deep into the painful events of childhood, and parallel to that I did exercises at home. Exercises like rebirthing, regression, meditation and positive affirmations. Gradually everything loosened. What progress I made! What insights I got along the way!
Today I have an understanding of the fact that we can create everything ourselves. Solely with our thoughts! A thought is extremely powerful. It affects all our lives. Thus I only allow myself to think positively and stay away from everything opposite to that. I therefore no longer read newspapers or watch television, but I’m more than happy to watch a movie together with my children during the weekends. And with it, we enjoy good food and drink.
We can create love, happiness, joy, success and everything else we might wish for. By visualizing and feeling this, everything comes to us.
I have let go of quite a lot of fear and limitations that I carried with me, and today I live a holistic and very happy and peaceful life together with my children. I quit my job as a carpenter and have chosen to live on my widow’s pension. We live a simple life, but manage quite well.
Now, I’m able to “see” my children. I’m present with them. I listen when they have something to tell me. I simply take time! Unfortunately, I spent far too little time with my three oldest children. There was always something to do. Today I hardly know them!
2 years ago we travelled to Sri Lanka and India and lived there for 6 magical months. At the time I tutored my children at home and still do so today. We follow the curriculum for the schools in Norway and use the same books. Personally, I feel there is too much “must” and “must not” in the school system today. Together with all the competitions and rules this system is imbued with, I feel this limits the children instead of enhancing their development. My opinion is that the focus should be inwards, to learn to see the greatness in all of us, and not focus on who is best or which position one gets in a competition or whether or not ones grades are good or not so good. The way I see it, the educational system is totally out of date, and is not appropriate for 2010. What sort of development is there for a child in following an educational plan which was worked out 60 years ago? As I said, I follow this curriculum because I’m obliged to by law, but I implement things which I see can give my children insights on a deeper level, and which enables them to develop creativity and an understanding of life. I boast and encourage my children in all they take part in. And guess if that enhances their self-confidence! Guess who really knows what they want! We come to agreements on things and cooperate in almost everything. This makes everyday life run smoothly, and no battles are necessary.
What great joy it is to be with my children! What great joy it is to just be ME! We have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Life is fantastic – because I have chosen it to be so!
I really enjoyed sharing this with you. My intention is to spread a message of love and tell everyone about this fabulous Divinity we all are, which we are all a part of. We are ALL THAT IS!
Thank you so much for the attention , and I wish you all the best in your life, dear friend!
Be present, be conscious in your choices, and last, but not least – treasure every moment.
My English blog is under construction, but if you wish to get in contact with me you are welcome to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or you can look me up on Facebook.