READ: Monday Matters: Think Less! Live More!

The following is an excerpt from the book, Tapping the Power Within, A Path to Self-Empowerment for Women, pages 9 – 10.

Think Less! Live More!

Our greatest challenge in the learning, purification, and alignment process of life is our mind. The mind, expressing our will and ego, is developed as a result of our experiences, emotions, and intelligence. However, mind, ego and will are not in alignment with natural or spiritual laws. They are concerned with the way things “appear” to be, not what our experiences teach us on the spiritual level. It is only with a conscious effort that we can infuse the will and ego with the energy and power of the spirit.

When the will and ego are not in alignment with our spiritual mind, we have what the Yarubas call “a bad head”! A bad head is one that functions on its own without the guidance of Spirit or more experienced elders. It is what grandmothers in this country call being, “hardheaded” or “stubborn”; insisting that things are the way you want them to be when there is evidence to the contrary.

Having a bad or hard head means that we are not listening internally to the voice of Spirit, or externally, to voices of wisdom, which means we are not in alignment with Spirit or the laws of nature. In most cases misalignment also indicates that we live for physical pleasures and pursuits without concern for conscious contact with the true essence of our being. When we have a bad head, we rely on the distortions of the ego to determine what we need and how we are to go about meeting those needs.

When we lack conscious contact with the true essence of our being, our perceived needs lead us to actions that create what we call negative experiences. These needs are also created by emotions that result from our negative experiences. Our mind will mesh together what we experience and desire in order to form a thought.

Although thoughts govern how we respond throughout life, they may not be in alignment with the spiritual purpose or meaning of the experience. When we respond to physical thought alone, we are distracted by opinions, fears, the limitations of our experiences, and the influences of others. It is on the his level of thinking that we encounter the challenges and obstacles we often refer to as the problems of life, or “issues.”

As individuals, we are responsible for integrating our experiences and the spiritual interpretation of those experiences into our lives. In doing so, we must be mindful that our experiences will, in all ways, align with our belief system. In order to determine if your individual development process is working, you will need to ask yourself:

(1) How do I feel about what I am doing? And

(2) What do I believe is possible for me and my life?

Remember: What you believe determines what you see!

READ: Monday Matters – The Circle of Life by Iyanla Vanzant

The following is an excerpt from the book, Tapping the Power Within, A Path to Self-Empowerment for Women, pages 26 – 28.

The Circle of Life

One powerful way to honor our ancestors is to embody the principles they taught and continue the traditions they live. African people are a “we” people. We, in a cultural sense, moves us beyond the shallow consciousness of “my life is only about me”. We encourage just to remember that everything I do is a reflection on everyone in my line. We motivates us to be better for those watching and those coming behind.

My sister understood this and lived it. She taught me things that had empowered her as a way of sharing, expanding, and evolving the traditions that sustained her. She taught me what our mother had taught her, what may, in fact, has been taught for generations. Of course, things change, times change; people lose track of stories in the people who passed them on. We can, however, still honor the lives of the ancestors by remembering what we can, practicing and passing on the positive traditions that have been passed on to us.

For example, I always washed and combed my daughter’s hair on Sunday evenings. I was tickled when I saw one of them had continued that tradition with her own daughter. This is a profound and practical way to elevate the spiritual energy of the ancestors to do as they did in order to sustain the group. Without knowing it, many of us probably do it anyway. When, however, we can remember the name of the one who taught the practice, or lived the principle, we create a more intimate connection.

What I know now is that how I live my life either honors or dishonors my ancestors. I also know it is not important for me to dissect, evaluate or judge their behaviors and dysfunctions. My job, our job, is to respect the continuum of life. We must embrace and embody with reverence the good/positive qualities that our ancestors demonstrated because it was this essence of their lives that pave the way for us. They have set the example for how to live in family and community.

Dr. Betty Shabazz has always invoked a quote attributed to Alex Haley. “We must find the good and praise it.”

Find the good your ancestors left behind and live your life as an expression of it. We carry the energy of our ancestors in our DNA. Therefore, living the best of who they were, what they taught and what they believed elevates their essence and advances our growth.

What I know now is that every life, every being that ever took a breath and the physical form, is an ancestor. What I know now is that all things fade into God. All things are neutralized, brought into equality, balance out in unity with Spirit.

My sister is now an ancestor. Not just my ancestor, because we do not have the luxury of owning spirits; she is an ancestor. In my heart I knew that it didn’t matter that we hadn’t spoken. It no longer mattered that she had been upset with me or that I had been angry with her. It didn’t matter that people had exaggerated the problem with gossip and innuendo. What mattered now was that the ancestors were watching and waiting to see how we, the family, would behave and what I, the next in age order, would do. My sister had taught me what to do when a member of the family made their transition and it was now my responsibility to make sure it was done with prayerful excellence.

If someone had told me that I would one day voluntarily stand within arm’s reach of a dead body, I would’ve told her she was crazy. Had she told me the dead body would be that of my sister, I probably would’ve lost my mind. But there I stood next to my sister who was dressed in a clear plastic bag covered by a white sheet.

In that moment I did not need to think about what to do. I had to do what I had been taught. My friend Tulani, a master braider, braided my sister’s hair. I polished her nails just as she had taught me; one-stroke up the middle of the nail, one on the left side, one on the right and two coats. Next, I applied her makeup. I pulled her eyes taut just as she had taught me. I made a very fine, very straight line of eyeliner across her eyelids. I added just a touch of blue shadow in the corners of the lid. I lined her lips and added just a bit of gloss. I asked my niece to find a small handbag that my sister especially liked. I filled it with coins. In African tradition you never want your family to show up on the other side without coins.

I also gave her a small white hanky. She had taught me that a hanky is so much better for dabbing the eyes than paper tissues. I also put a few mints in her purse. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I dressed my sister in traditional African garb. I wrapped her head in asoke - traditional woven cloth – just like she had taught me to do. My sister loved Jean Nate so I put a dab behind each ear. Finally, I adorned her with traditional beads and bracelets. I placed an irukere – ceremonial horsetail – in her hands so that it lay across her chest. She was now ready for her children and family to view her remains. Holding hands, Tulani and I stepped back while my sister’s best friends added their final loving touches.

When we were all done we stood in stillness and silence gazing upon the woman who, though she stood only 5’4″ tall, had been a monumental influence in so many lives. In that moment I could not remember why we had grown apart. I just wanted to know if she would be proud of what we had done for her. We had prepared her for a traditional burial. We then blessed her to join the ancestors.

I felt regrets for having missed the last three years of her life. I felt sad that I would never hear her laugh again. I wonder why she didn’t tell me that she was not well. Then I remembered who my sister was. I knew that she probably didn’t want to be a burden. She probably thought I was too busy and she didn’t want to bother me.

Realizing that that was probably the reason, I felt hurt and angry and sad. More than anything I was angry with myself. Then I remembered the love and the spirit of love that existed between us and the anger dissipated. All things fade in Spirit. All things become love.

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About Iyanla Vanzant:

Iyanla Vanzant is the best-selling author of five books on self-empowerment, personal growth and spiritual healing. As the founder and executive director of the Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Network, she conducts workshops, seminars and lectures nationally. Drawing from her own experiences of family dysfunction, abuse, and poverty, Iyanla encourages us all to look at ourselves, laugh at ourselves and then take the necessary steps to heal ourselves. Her practical message is based on the principles of universal law, self-determination and the power of Spirit. You can learn more about her work at www.innervisionsworldwide.com.

Iyanla has recently appeared several times during Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast segments. You can view the classes here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/oprahs-lifeclass.html

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READ: Monday Matters – In Search of Spirit by Iyanla Vanzant

The following is an excerpt from my book, Tapping the Power Within – A Path of Self-Empowerment for Women, page 2-4.

In Search of Spirit

The beauty I was looking for in the mirror as a young girl was my Spirit; the divine spark that exists in every expression of life. In essence, Tapping the Power Within means connecting to the beauty, power, wisdom, love and divine intelligence that exists at the core of our being. This spark of divinity is what beckons each of us to a higher, fuller experience and expression of life. The unfolding and conscious awareness of this divine presence within is the ultimate, common goal of all religious beliefs and spiritual traditions. Our awareness of and conscious connection to this divine essence is the intention that belies our religious affiliations and spiritual practices.

Each one of us is an eternal, physical manifestation of the Creator. For this reason “Spirit” is capitalized when it is being ascribed to or associated with God. As human beings, we are covered by a physical body, a specific form, for a specific purpose. As Spirit in human form, we each have a soul. Our soul is the invisible, intangible expression of all that we have been taught, as well as what we have come to believe, to think, and to experience emotionally about how life functions and how we are to function in life. While it is common to use the words “spirit” and “soul” interchangeably, this usage can lead to a misunderstanding and misrepresentation of who we are and how we are connected to God. Spirit is universal, while the soul is unique and specific to each human being.

God is Spirit. Spirit is the eternal, omnipresent (ever-present), omnipotent, (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing) presence of God, the Creator of all life. Spirit is the authentic identity of every living thing. As used here, “authentic” means the intangible, invisible essence of what can be known or seen. Every animal, plant form, and body of water that supports the reproduction and evolution of life is a manifestation of the Creator’s omnipresent Spirit. Human beings, made in the “image and likeness” of God, the same way that electrical currents move through a wire into a lamp, television, or toaster to make it function, Spirit is the source of current that runs through and gives all life-forms the power to function in a precise way. Spirit has no specific race, color, or gender.

The Spirit of the human being is the eternal essence, true identity, and the presence of God. By contrast, the soul represents how the presence of God is manifesting in a unique way, in a particular form, for a specific purpose. Spirit is the power. The soul is what makes up the personality, or the unique expression of Spirit. In human beings, the soul may express a specific race, or gender, with unique physical attributes (such as weight, height, eye color), or the propensity to be or do a particular thing. The soul is the intermediary, that links the presence of Spirit to the physical mind, emotions, and the body.

Everything that has life can create life, can nurture life, or serves a purpose in life, is Spirit. The Creator’s goal is for all spirits to learn to serve one another and to live in peace-filled harmony. Spirit, therefore, exists and expresses on many levels, as many expressions of life; those we can see and those we cannot see. A living being is a form of Spirit we can see. One who has lived and no longer breathes is a form of Spirit we can no longer see.
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About Iyanla Vanzant:

Iyanla Vanzant is the best-selling author of five books on self-empowerment, personal growth and spiritual healing. As the founder and executive director of the Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Network, she conducts workshops, seminars and lectures nationally. Drawing from her own experiences of family dysfunction, abuse, and poverty, Iyanla encourages us all to look at ourselves, laugh at ourselves and then take the necessary steps to heal ourselves. Her practical message is based on the principles of universal law, self-determination and the power of Spirit. You can learn more about her work at www.innervisionsworldwide.com.

Iyanla has recently appeared several times during Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast segments. You can view the classes here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/oprahs-lifeclass.html

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READ: Monday Matters – A Personal Reflection on Oprah’s Lifeclass by Iyanla Vanzant

It has been one week since I sat on a stage in St. Louis to participate with Oprah in the Life Class Tour. I was there in person. I heard and saw everything that unfolded and then last night I watched the program on television. I must say that I was humbled and grateful and excited and impressed. Let me address one thing at a time.

I was humbled because it was a little over a year ago that I sat across from Ms. Winfrey for the first time in 11 years in an attempt to heal the breakdown in our relationship. Trust me when I tell you that I took a lot of heat for it. It was clear that some viewers got more into the “drama” than the healing opportunity. Other viewers accused me of throwing myself on Oprah’s sword in order to advance myself and my career. Then, there were those who determined that I had destroyed my credibility as a teacher, coach and empowerment advocate by sharing about my own challenges during the time I was an Oprah regular.

When I agreed to do the show I had a clear intention; to be a demonstration of how to have the difficult conversation required to heal a relationship breakdown. Watching Life Class last night I realized that the intention was fulfilled and, that Ms. O and I have been able to restore a sisterly, working relationship. Intentionality and clarity will support you in weathering the storms of criticism.

Gratitude is the only word that captures the experience I had standing in the midst of 3 beautiful, powerful and vulnerable men who were supporting one another in their healing. Standing with Steve was a powerful experience. Nothing that happened on that stage had been rehearsed, nor was it scripted. When I asked Steve to stand, I wasn’t sure why. It was clear to me that he was sincere about wanting to heal and move forward in life. What was not clear was where he was stuck and why.

When I looked into his eyes, I knew immediately that there was a little boy in his soul who needed affirmation – - not from me but from his parents. As I spoke to him I could feel his sorrow, his grief, his sadness because both of his parents are deceased. Like many of us he needed and wanted something that was physically impossible to receive. I also realized that what he needed in that moment could not come from me. It needed to come from a man. As a woman, I needed to be able to step back and let the men do their work for one another, with one another. I am grateful that I am healed enough to know what I can and cannot do. I am grateful to have been an instrument used to demonstrate to the world what it looks like to support men without taking over.

I admit that it is hard for me to watch myself on television. I almost never do it because I am overly self-critical. I worry if my butt looks big; if I am talking too loud; if I said the right thing in the wrong way, blah, blah, blah. But last night, I was excited because HD television looked good on my butt! I am not a tiny woman and with the new HD cameras a size 10 looks like a 14. That’s the personal side.

In the bigger picture, I am excited to be a part of something so new and refreshing on television. It is new to see people sharing their story, not just for the sake of the “drama” but with a real desire to be a demonstration of the healing that is possible. It is radical to see people air their most personal and intimate experiences publicly with the intention of getting support and healing themselves. We see all sorts of “dirty laundry” being aired in reality television. However, it is not always clear that the people want to shift, change, heal or be helped.

The people who come forward in the Life Class are willing to be a demonstration in the world that change is possible. I think that is exciting and radical because it has been my experience that we love to talk about our problems and we are not always willing to do what is required to find a resolution. To be in the midst of people from all over the world, college students, incarcerated inmates and the everyday people – - like minded people is exciting.

As a television insider, I have intimate knowledge about what it takes to put on a program. As a viewer it is easy to get lost in what happens on the screen and forget about the behind the scene requirements. Let me say that I was impressed by the number of people and the amount of energy it took to create a live broadcast that went off without a hitch. The crew at HARPO/OWN is fueled by a sincere desire to present excellence. There were so many people who were not seen yet who worked like Christmas elves to ensure that what the viewers saw was flawless. The set designers, the lightening engineers, the stage hands, the security guards, the camera personnel, even the caterers, worked with a spirit of kindness, professionalism and excellence. Trust me when I say it does not always look like that backstage. In this instance, however, I could feel the level of commitment and respect required to insure that every aspect of the production was addressed with excellence. It was an awesome experience!

So, why am I sharing this with you, the readers of this blog? The first reason is because I think it is important that people understand that I am a real person, with real feelings. I am painfully aware of how easy it is for folks to put you on a pedestal when you are a public person. There seems to be an imaginary line of demarcation which places public people over “there” and the rest of the world someplace else. Nothing could be further from the truth. What public people do is their work in the world. The fame and fortune of it does not make public personalities any different or better than the rest of the human race. Public personalities have weaknesses and challenges and experiences just like you. I for one am willing to acknowledge and celebrate my humanness. It is, after all, what keeps me grounded.

The other reason I am sharing my experience about Life Class is because of what I shared in the beginning. I am experiencing such deep gratitude, humility and excitement about what is going on in my life, the world and, in my experience with OWN that I just had to share it. Nothing more and nothing less.

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About Iyanla Vanzant:

Iyanla Vanzant is the best-selling author of five books on self-empowerment, personal growth and spiritual healing. As the founder and executive director of the Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Network, she conducts workshops, seminars and lectures nationally. Drawing from her own experiences of family dysfunction, abuse, and poverty, Iyanla encourages us all to look at ourselves, laugh at ourselves and then take the necessary steps to heal ourselves. Her practical message is based on the principles of universal law, self-determination and the power of Spirit. You can learn more about her work at www.innervisionsworldwide.com.

Iyanla has recently appeared several times during Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast segments. You can view the classes here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/oprahs-lifeclass.html

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READ: Monday Matters – The Wilderness by Iyanla Vanzant

It happened suddenly. He was alone in his car, heading home to nothing in particular. He thought he might watch a little television or listen to some music. He knew he would eat leftovers. Cooking was not on the agenda. He wasn’t thinking about anything, wasn’t feeling any particular thing, when all of a sudden, BAM! it came upon him. He found himself immersed in an experience of confusion, fear and loneliness. He felt lost, hopeless and helpless. He put the radio on to occupy himself. It didn’t work. The music was annoying. He drove faster believing if he could just get home, what he was feeling would go away. When he did, it did not. The experience grew deeper and darker. Men are not supposed to feel like this but, he was a man who was feeling it. When I got the call, ten days later, he was desperate.

My friend had been on his spiritual journey, a quest to know himself and the Creator for many years. Like many, he has been working to “get himself right.” He had read the books; studied the philosophies; taken the classes; participated in the workshops; attended the seminars. Still, he believed, he had a lot of work to do to get his life on the right track; whatever that track was to be. He had embraced both polarities of the, “get yourself together” spectrum. He once thought if he could be really good, there would be rewards. In short order he discovered being good was both difficult and boring. He had discovered that all of the should’s and should-nots makes one neurotic. Like a good spiritual student who becomes aware of what does or does not work, he shifted to embrace the concepts of sacrifice and denial. Denying everything earthly or material thing, living in scarcity, believing whatever he gave up for God, would be replaced by something divine. Four months of sleeping on a friend’s sofa and walking dogs to earn enough to buy Oodles of Noodles led him to another awareness; Life does not have to be hard! He then settled into a place of being himself, accepting people as he found them, knowing life happens moment by moment, loving himself regardless of his station and forgiving all past regrets and disappointments. It felt good. It seemed right. Now this!

On the other end of the telephone, I detected shallow breathing. I sensed the fear and panic. As I listened, I was struck by the holding back of the tears. Taking in each of his questions, I realized there was only one that needed to be addressed. “What did I do wrong?” After ten minutes or so, I offered him what I needed to hear – - take a breath!

Take a long deep breath. Reflecting on the many times I had been in the midst of the same experience I said: “Beloved, you are in the wilderness of your soul. This is un-chartered territory where you are alone with yourself. There is nothing, absolutely no-thing wrong. You are being lead and guided into a deeper, more profound awareness of exactly who you are and who you are not.” I could hear him suck the air out of the room. My offering, “Keep breathing!”

Spiritual wilderness is not the place for spiritual punks, wussies or wimps. In fact, those who are not seriously committed to their spiritual well-being will never be invited into the wilderness. The wilderness is a place of deflation that only masters are taken. They are invited into the experience to strengthen and refine themselves in preparation for something exquisitely divine. Moses was invited into the wilderness, even though he never made it to the “promised land.” So was Christ.

The wilderness is a place of spiritual dryness and desolation where we find ourselves tempted to believe in thirst and helplessness. We feel lost, alone and doomed for destruction. We cannot see our way out of the moment, hour or the day. The sands of past regrets and future fears whip around so violently, we are tempted to shield our eyes and bury our heads. The structures of our beliefs, habits and creature comforts stand like trees, blocking the path. In the wilderness, all tress look alike, making it difficult to determine one from another. In the wilderness, it is difficult to find the one thing that marks the way to a clearing.

In the wilderness we run hot and cold. We are scorched by the internal heat of self-denial, self-debasement and self-loathing. And, we are over-whelmed by the coldness of our beliefs related to self-righteousness, self-importance and self-reliance.

In the wilderness, there is no shelter from either discomfort. The unfortunate part is that we have no idea how we got to this place of feeling so bad, alone and helpless. This, by the way, is also the most fortunate aspect of the wilderness. Since we have no idea how we got to where we are and even fewer ideas about how to get out, we must become totally dependent on something within in order to get out.

In the wilderness, we become frogs, Fully Reliant On God, Spirit, our Highest, Most Holy Self for nourishment and guidance. Whether the wilderness experience lasts a day, week, several months or years, we eventually come to the profound awareness, “I am not alone and I cannot do this alone.” This is often very challenging for a man to accept and navigate. It is quite common for men to fail their wilderness training because they use an inappropriate methodology; they attempt to fix themselves by themselves. Any attempt to move through the wilderness without intimate connection, communication and dependence on the great Spirit within will leave you panting in the scorching heat and dryness of deflated self-importance. Any resistance to acknowledging that you are vulnerable and, that you need help will only intensify the sense of suffering. Spiritual wilderness is a time to recognize that something bigger than you is at hand.

Rest assured, the wilderness is not an indication that you have done anything wrong or, that you need to do something right. Nor is it something you can avoid. In fact, falling face first into spiritual wilderness is something you must expect to encounter when you are giving your spiritual identity the deepest attention you can muster.

The wilderness is the quest of many, the privilege of few. It is a time, place and experience that will take you out of your little self and all of its trappings, into your authentic Self and all of its power. Because the wilderness is different for everyone, there is no way to explain it. It just happens when we are ready, aligned and most unsuspecting.

Explaining this to my friend seemed to give him some comfort. Of course he had questions but, I had no answers. No two wilderness experiences are the same – - thank goodness! I am sure if they were, someone would create a preparation workshop or write a book about it. The wilderness is a divine experience for which preparation is impossible and failure is not an option. Self-mastery and self-knowledge are not the results of the wilderness experience. They are the invitations into it. My suggestion for anyone who finds themselves in a wilderness experience is, “Keep breathing!” Breathe deeply, even if you have sand in your nose.

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About Iyanla Vanzant:

Iyanla Vanzant is the best-selling author of five books on self-empowerment, personal growth and spiritual healing. As the founder and executive director of the Inner Visions Spiritual Life Maintenance Network, she conducts workshops, seminars and lectures nationally. Drawing from her own experiences of family dysfunction, abuse, and poverty, Iyanla encourages us all to look at ourselves, laugh at ourselves and then take the necessary steps to heal ourselves. Her practical message is based on the principles of universal law, self-determination and the power of Spirit. You can learn more about her work at www.innervisionsworldwide.com.

Iyanla has recently appeared several times during Oprah’s Lifeclass webcast segments. You can view the classes here: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/oprahs-lifeclass.html

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Technorati Tags: iyanla vanzant, Lifeclass, Oprah Network, Oprah Winfrey, OWN, Piece from Broken Pieces

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