READ: Avoid the Rush by Rick Hansen

What’s the hurry?
The Practice:
Avoid the rush.
Why?

As I was meditating this morning, our cat hopped up in my lap. It felt sweet to sit there with him. And yet – even though I was feeling fine and had plenty of time, there was this internal pressure to start zipping along with emails and calls and all the other clamoring minutiae of the day.

You see the irony. We rush about as a means to an end: as a method for getting results in the form of good experiences, such as relaxation and happiness. Hanging out with our cat, I was afloat in good experiences. But the autopilot inside the coconut still kept trying to suck me back into methods for getting relaxation and happiness – as if I weren’t already feeling that way! And of course, by jumping up and diving into doingness, I’d break the mood and lose the relaxation and happiness . . . that is the point of doingness.

Sometimes we do need to rush. Maybe you’ve got to get your kid to school on time, or your boss really has to have that report by end of day. OK.

But much of the time, we rev up and race about because of unnecessary internal pressures (like unrealistic standards for ourselves) or because external forces are trying to hurry us along for their own purposes (not because of our own needs).

How do you feel when you’re rushing? Perhaps there’s a bit of positive excitement, but if you’re like me, there’s mostly if not entirely a sense of tension, discomfort, and anxiety. This kind of stress isn’t pleasant for the mind, and over time it’s really bad for the body. Plus there’s a loss of autonomy: the rush is pushing you one way or another rather than you yourself deciding where you want to go and at what pace.

Instead, how about stepping aside from the rush as much as you can? And into your own well-being, health, and autonomy?

How?

For starters, be mindful of rushing – your own and others. See how other people assume deadlines that aren’t actually real, or get time pressured and intense about things that aren’t that important. (And yep, you get to decide for yourself what you think is real or important.) Notice the internal shoulds or musts or simply habits that speed you up.

Then, when the demands of others bear down upon you, buy yourself time – what the psychologist and Buddhist teacher Tara Brach calls “the sacred pause” – in order to create a space in which you are free to choose how you will respond. Are you letting the rushing of others become your own? Slow down the conversation, ask questions, and find out what’s really true. Consider the sign I once saw in a car repair shop: “Your lack of planning is not my emergency.”

On your own side of the street, try not to create “emergencies” for yourself. You can get a lot done at your own pace without rushing; plan ahead and don’t procrastinate until you’re forced into hurrying. More fundamentally, be realistic about your own resources. It’s a kind of modesty, a healthy humility, to finally admit to yourself and maybe others that you can’t carry five quarts in a one gallon bucket. There are 168 hours in a week, not 169. It’s also a kind of healthy renunciation, relinquishment, to set down the ego, drivenness, appetite, or ambition that overcommits and sets you up for rushing. And it’s a matter of seeing clearly what is, a matter of being in reality rather than being confused or in a sense deluded.

Nkosi Johnson was the South African boy born with HIV who became a national advocate for children with AIDS before dying at about age 12, and not one of us can do more than what he said here: Do all you can, with what you have, in the time you have, in the place where you are.

Also watch how the mind routinely gets caught up in becoming: in making plans that draw us into desires that draw us into rushing. The trick is to see this happening before it captures you.

Most deeply, try to rest in and enjoy the richness of this moment. Even an ordinary moment – with its sounds, sights, tastes, smells, sensations, feelings, and thoughts – is amazingly interesting and rewarding. Afloat in the present, there’s no need to rush along to anything else.

Even when you don’t have a cat in your lap.

* * *

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom (in 20 languages) and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time (in 8 languages). Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and Affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s taught at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and in meditation centers worldwide. His work has been featured on the BBC, NPR, FoxBusiness, Consumer Reports Health, U.S. News and World Report, and O Magazine and he has several audio programs with Sounds True. His weekly e-newsletter – Just One Thing – has over 35,000 subscribers, and suggests a simple practice each week that will bring you more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind and heart. If you wish, you can subscribe to Just One Thing here.

Read more from Rick Hansen:

MAKE THE OFFERING by Rick Hanson, M.D.

DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP by Rick Hanson, Ph. D.

READ: Feed Your Soul: Change Your Life by Janice Taylor

Technorati Tags: Happiness, Health & Well-being, Hollyhock, inspiration, Janice Taylor, Life and Wellness Coach, Our Lady of Weight Loss, Personal Growth, Vancouver, vivid life, VividLife.me, Womens Retreats

LISTEN: Jane Fonda & Tara Stiles chat about issues facing Women, Yoga, Meditation and more…

VividLife’s Ed and Deb Shapiro welcome Icon Jane Fonda and Yoga Instructor Tara Stiles, to discuss Women, Yoga, Meditation and more, in support of Tara’s new book Yoga Cures: Simple Routines to Conquer More Than 50 Common Ailments and Live Pain-Free

Jane Fonda, Born in New York City in 1937 to legendary screen star Henry Fonda and New York socialite Frances Seymour Brokaw, Jane Seymour Fonda was destined early to an uncommon and influential life in the limelight. Although she initially showed little inclination to follow her father’s trade, she was prompted by Joshua Logan to appear with her father in the 1954 Omaha Community Theatre production of “The Country Girl”. Her interest in acting grew after meeting Lee Strasberg in 1958 and joining the Actors Studio. Her screen debut in Tall Story (1960) (directed by Logan) marked the beginning of a highly successful and respected acting career highlighted by two Academy Awards (for her performances in Klute (1971) and Coming Home (1978)) and five additional Oscar nominations (as Best Actress in They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? (1969), Julia (1977), The China Syndrome (1979), The Morning After (1986), and Best Supporting Actress in On Golden Pond (1981), which was the only film she made with her father). Fonda underwent a series of metamorphoses in both her profession and personal life. After finding her niche in romantic comedies such as Period of Adjustment (1962), Sunday in New York (1963), and Any Wednesday (1966), she starred in the notorious sci-fi sex farce Barbarella (1968), directed by her then-husband Roger Vadim. The events that followed became her most debated, scandalous, and controversial period: her espousal of anti-establishment causes and especially her anti-war activities during the Vietnam War. Her political involvement continued with fellow activist and second husband Tom Hayden in the 1970s and ’80s. In the 1980s she started the aerobic exercise craze with the publication of the “Jane Fonda’s Workout Book”. After divorcing Hayden and announcing her retirement from the film industry, she married broadcasting mogul Ted Turner in 1991; they split eight years later. In 2005, Fonda penned the best-selling autobiography “My Life So Far” and relaunched her film career with a starring role in the box office hit Monster-in-Law (2005).

http://www.janefonda.com

Tara Stiles, Named “Yoga Rebel” by the New York Times, Tara Stiles has inspired a wide audience around the world with her healthy and relatable approaches to yoga, meditation, exercise, awareness, nutrition and every day well being. Tara has been featured in publications including Elle, Harpers Bazaar, Lucky, InStyle, Esquire, Shape, and Self, and has been profiled by the Times of India, The Times (UK), and Sweden’s Dagnes Nyheter.

Tara is the founder and owner of Strala Yoga, widely known for it’s unpretentious, inclusive, and straightforward approach to yoga and meditation. She is the personal yoga instructor to Deepak Chopra, whom she’s collaborated with to create the best selling Authentic Yoga iPhone app, Yoga Transformation DVD series among other projects. Jane Fonda named Tara, “The new face of fitness”. They partnered to re-launch Jane’s famous WORKOUT brand of fitness DVDs and equipment.

Tara is the author of the best selling Slim Calm Sexy Yoga, and the upcoming Yoga Cures, that is already climbing the charts. Her approach leads people to their own intuition and awareness. The results are radiant health and lasting happiness.

Tara is the first yoga instructor to use social media effectively to reach a global audience. Her instructional yoga videos, #1 iTunes podcast, blogs, and cooking videos have received over 20 million views so far. She engages with her wide range of subscribers daily through her video blog, twitter, Facebook page and her popular Tumblr blog, Tara Eats. Through social media Tara has been able to help millions of people ranging from kids, teenagers, moms, regular guys, and beyond not only get healthy and happy, but heal a wide variety of conditions from back pain, anxiety, sleep disorders, weight issues, body issues, and more. Her total social media reach is in the tens of millions and growing.

As Vanity Fair noted, “Tara Stiles has got to be the coolest yoga instructor ever.”

“One of the things I like about her is her ability to make yoga accessible to people who might be scared of it or think it might be too esoteric,”

–Jane Fonda

“We are both nonconformists who have incurred the wrath of traditional yogis,” Mr. Chopra said of Ms. Stiles, whom he now considers his personal instructor. “A lot of the criticism is resentment of her rapid success. I have been doing yoga for 30 years. I have had teachers of all kinds. Taking lessons from her has been more useful to me than taking yoga from anyone else.

–Deepak Chopra

http://www.tarastiles.com

Listen to more with Ed and Deb Shapiro on demand:

Ed and Deb Shapiro welcome Lindsay Wagner, Emmy award-winning actress for her role as The Bionic Woman turned Spiritual Teacher to discuss Awakening and integrating body, mind and spirit in a natural, holistic way

Ed and Deb Shapiro welcome Super Model Carre Otis to discuss her new book Beauty Disrupted, a memoir. Carre has long been one of the most recognizable faces in modeling, headlining in campaigns for Guess, Donna Karan, Calvin Klein, and Revlon and has graced the covers of Vogue, Elle, Harper’s Bazaar, Glamour, and Cosmopolitan

 

 

READ: Gitmo or Gandhi by Ed and Deb Shapiro

I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent. Mahatma Gandhi

The prison camp at Guantanamo Bay, built on a legacy of fear, was established to deal with violent terrorists but, instead, became the cause of further suffering and chaos. It is a prime example of the mindless, cruel and inhuman way we abuse our fellow human beings. For despite whatever these men may or may not have done they are our human beings and inflicting pain, especially the methods used at Gitmo, achieves nothing but further pain. Two wrongs do not make a right; to meet violence with more violence does not bring peace. Closing Gitmo does not say we condone violence, but that we do not intend to continue to act in such a barbaric way.

Of course, there are those who oppose closing the camp. Fear is a powerful seductress waiting around every corner to grab our attention; hatred is like a snake always ready to bite. The nature of fear is to hold us back, to keep us in a place of closed heartedness. It will create an enemy even if one does not exist. Being fearless does not mean we have to stop or deny the fear; fearlessness is not a state of being without fear. Rather, it is fully feeling the fear, getting to know it, and then making friends with it.

If we divide reality into two camps—the violent and the nonviolent— and stand in one camp while attacking the other, the world will never have peace.  Thich Nhat Hanh, Noble Peace Prize Nominee

Mahatma Gandhi changed the course of history in India by proving that non-violence is more powerful than violence, bringing an end to British domination as he inspired millions of others to follow his lead. The Dalai Lama won the Nobel Peace Prize for practicing non-violence towards the invading Chinese. Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Ang San Suu Kyi, and Archbishop Tutu have all stood out as practicing harmlessness or pacifism, often in the face of tremendous opposition, while Swami Satchidananda taught ahimsa or non-injury is the one practice in yoga that leads to Self-realization.

Deb was raised a Quaker, whose creed is found in the statement, To travel over the earth meeting that of God in every man. This is reflected in the Buddhist and Yoga teaching of ahimsa. This sounds so simple, but harmlessness actually requires a complete shift in attitude. In a world where selfishness and self-interest are the norm it takes great courage not to react with greed or anger, which only cause harm. Simply by causing less pain, each of us can bring greater dignity to or world. By recognizing the fundamental equality of all beings, harm is replaced with harmlessness, disrespect with respect.

We will always blame and condemn those we feel are responsible for wars and social injustice, without recognizing the degree of violence in ourselves. We must work on ourselves as well as with those we condemn if we wish to move towards peace. Thich Nhat Hanh

Aspiring to live harmlessly confronts us with the many ways we may be causing harm without realizing it, whether by ignoring someone’s feelings, by using more of the earth’s resources than we need, or by buying products made by underage and underpaid workers. What to do when ants or cockroaches invade the kitchen or slugs eat away at the vegetable garden, yet we do not want to harm them?

And how often do we do things that are hurtful or harmful to ourselves? How many times a day, subtly or otherwise, do we put ourselves down, reaffirm our hopelessness, dislike our appearance, or see ourselves as incompetent or unworthy? How much resentment, guilt or shame are we holding on to, thus perpetuating past negativity?

Are you ready to honor yourself and others? Is it not time to end the war within? For only then can we end the violence in the world.

Ed and Deb Shapiro are the authors of BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, with forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman and Winner of the 2010 Nautilus Gold Book Award. Deb is the author of the bestselling book, YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND, winner of the 2007 Visionary Book Award. They are featured bloggers on Oprah.com/spirit, HuffingtonPost.com/Living, and Care2.com. They have 3 meditation CD’s: Metta — Loving Kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi – Breath Awareness and Insight; and Yoga Nidra – Inner Conscious Relaxation. See: www.EdandDebShapiro.com 

 

Read more from Ed and Deb Shapiro:

Why Do We Enjoy Making Fun of Others? by Ed and Deb Shapiro

What The Buddha Might Say To Mitt Romney by Ed and Deb Shapiro

 

Technorati Tags: appreciation, gratitude, Happiness, inspiration, love, Personal Growth, self-discovery, Spirituality

READ: Just Because You’re You by Mike Robbins

About a year or so ago I started playing a game with my two girls, Samantha (our six year old) and Rosie (our three and a half year old). The game goes like this; I ask each one of them, “How much does daddy love you?” They respond by putting one or both of their arms up into the air as high as they can and say, “This much.” Then I say, “That’s right! And how come I love you so much?” To which they say, “Just because I’m me!”

It’s a fun, sweet, and powerful game that I love playing with each of them and something I hope to continue to do for many years. I play this game as much for them as I do for myself. For the girls, I want them to know that my love and appreciation for them is not based on what they do, how they look, how well they listen, or any other conditions or expectations.

For me, I do it for two main reasons. First of all, as a father I find it challenging at times to keep my heart open and to stay connected to my love for my girls when they do or say things that upset, disappoint, or anger me. This game serves as a reminder to me that my intention is to love them unconditionally (i.e. to love them even when I don’t like them or approve of what they do). On another level, by playing this game with my girls, I feel like I’m healing something deep within me that I’ve carried around for most of my life – the belief that my value as a human being is based on certain conditional, material, or external factors (accomplishments, appearance, approval of others, status, money, outward “success,” etc.)

How about you? How much of your own worth do you place in the hands of other people’s opinions, material success, or other outside factors or influences? If you’re anything like me and many of the people I know and work with, probably quite a bit (or at least more than is probably healthy or ideal).

This belief that many of us carry that we have to do specific things, produce certain results, look a particular way (and so on), in order to be acceptable, valuable, and lovable, causes a great deal of stress, pressure, and suffering in our lives.

From a very early age most of us have been doing whatever we can (in various ways based on our personality, background, and orientation) to gain approval and love from those around us. It starts with our parents, siblings, and family members when we’re very young. As children and adolescents, it extends out to our teachers, coaches, and especially our friends. As we move into adulthood it continues to expand to include our colleagues, clients; anyone we deem “important” to our success in life.

While there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with our desire to have the respect, admiration, and appreciation of those around us or to accomplish our most important goals, we often give away our power, consciously or unconsciously, to the people, circumstances, and results (or lack thereof) in our lives.

What if we stopped doing this so much? Our true value has nothing to do with any of these external factors. At the deepest level, we’re valuable as human beings just because we’re us – not because of what we do, how we look, what people think of us, or what we produce or accomplish. What would your life look like if you got this, embodied it, and lived from this perspective?

How can you start loving, accepting, and appreciating yourself (i.e. getting your inherent value) just because you’re you? Share your thoughts, ideas, insights, actions, and more.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

 

 

Read more by Mike Robbins:

Are You Addicted to Struggle? by Mike Robbins

The Benefits of Tears by Mike Robbins

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