Healthy Thinking: Using Your Mind To Help Heal Body, Heart & Soul

You probably know what it takes to live a healthy life, right?  Eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, exercise regularly, take vitamins – maybe add in some fish oil for cardiovascular health.  Make sure you get enough protein, carbohydrates, and lean fats.  Fortunately for many, healthy eating and exercise have become more and more a way of life.  You know the list of do’s and don’ts to keep your body strong and fit.

What is less well known is how your thoughts influence your physical, emotional, and even spiritual health. Your mind is an extremely powerful instrument that can be either a friend or foe.  For most, left to its own devices, the mind is a foe, and can lead to pain, difficulty, and suffering.  With a little bit of effort and awareness, however, the mind can become a friend.  As a friend, your mind can be used as a powerful asset to help promote your health and well-being on all levels.

Understanding Your Mind – Friend or Foe

Is your mind your friend or your foe?  If you are like most, your mind bombards you with concerns, worry, anxiety, negative self-talk and a barrage of other nonsense.

Your mind may harass you about being good enough or healthy enough.  It might critique you for making “poor” decisions.  Are you being a good enough mother to your children?  Are you a loving enough partner?  Are you taking good enough care of your physical body?

And then let’s not forget gnawing concerns about physical appearance.  The mind may lament: “I have too many wrinkles.”  “How did my butt get so big?”  “What should I do about these sun spots?”

Does this list sound at all familiar?  You can probably write your own – your unique “flavor” of negative mental messages.  These messages range from annoying to downright tyrannical.  They are tyrannical because they control your life.

What kind of life can you live when your mind harasses you constantly with these types of concerns and worries?

It is my contention that true health is impossible when you live with a tyrannical mind.  And most people do.  You can eat all the right foods, do all the right exercises, take all the best supplements, and have a wonderful mix of alternative and conventional medical care.  Yet if you are a slave to your thoughts, believing every mental message that the mind produces, how can you be truly healthy?

The mind-body connection is by now well-known and documented throughout the scientific literature.  If your mind is producing stress, anxiety, and insecurity, whether that is through making you believe that you are not quite good enough the way you are, or that something is wrong with you, or making you worry and stress about situations over which you have no control, this mental turbulence has a very real impact on your physical health and well-being.

The tragedy is that most people live enslaved by their minds – their thoughts, beliefs, mental patterns and emotions.  The triumph is that with a little awareness and effort, you can begin to free yourself from the tyranny of your mind and move toward true health and well-being.

Freeing the Mind – Breaking Free from the Thoughts and Beliefs that Confine You

So, how do you break free from this ceaseless and controlling mind-chatter?

Fortunately, there are some steps you can take that will help you find freedom from a controlling, and even debilitating mind.

Step #1: Become aware of the thoughts that you think

Before you can break free from your negative thoughts, ideas, and beliefs about yourself, your body, and your life, you must first become aware of the thoughts that you think on a regular basis.

What thoughts and beliefs are being generated in your mind?  Everyone has thoughts, messages, “tapes” if you will, that run through the mind.  Without awareness, these thoughts control you and dictate your life.  Yet as you become aware of the thoughts you think on a regular basis, you can gradually begin to loosen the control they have over your life.

There is no practice more important or more impactful in breaking free from the thoughts that control you than the practice of meditation.  Over time, a regular meditation practice makes you more aware of the thoughts that are being generated by your mind.  With meditation, you discover that you are not the thoughts you think.  You are not the messages and voices inside your head.  Over time, meditation will gradually help lessen the grip and hold that your thoughts have over your life.  The amazing thing about meditation is that simply by practicing meditation, you will become more aware of the thoughts you think on a regular basis.

Step #2: Recognize that they are false

Before you become aware of your thoughts, they control you absolutely.  As you become aware of them, you can begin to notice that they control you.  You can begin to notice how they control you.  The next step in breaking free from them is recognizing that they are false.  You have to realize that they are simply messages, usually learned in early childhood, and they are false.  They are not about you and should not be allowed to control your life.

Step#3: Refuse to believe them

The next step is refusing to believe them.  As you begin to see more clearly that these false messages run through your mind, you can make a decision to not believe them.  You can recognize that they are false – false messages running through your mind.  As such, they should not be listened to and should be ignored.

It is like music running in the background.  You can carry about your business, go about your life, and ignore the negative thoughts and beliefs.  Disregard them, don’t listen to them – completely ignore them.  As you practice this, gradually over time they will lessen and recede more and more.

In this way, you can use your awareness to free yourself from the negative thoughts that you think.

As the mind becomes free from these negative messages and beliefs, it can be used as an ally to promote health.  When you are listening to the negative thoughts and beliefs that run through your mind, it promotes dis-ease.  As you become free from these voices, the energy of your mind is elevated to help you move toward true wellbeing.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body.  Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing.  Visit BreakFreeBeauty.com to learn more.

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What Your Body Tells You: Objective Feedback vs. Critical Condemnation

Can you tell the difference between the objective feedback your body offers versus the critical condemnation of your mind?

Your body’s objective feedback can help you make lifestyle choices that promote your health and well-being, whereas the critical condemnation of your mind creates nothing but suffering.

Our bodies are incredible messengers, powerful gifts on the journey through life.  We can use the constant feedback that our bodies give us to help us make changes and adaptations to promote our health.  If we listen to the criticism of our minds, however, it will sabotage us.  The negative mental messages can eclipse the body’s natural intelligence and feedback, which will prevent us from making the healthy choices we want to make.

The mind opines, while the body illuminates.  The mind makes you mistakenly believe that your body means something about who you are as a person, your self-worth and your value.  It levels judgment and criticism.  It makes you believe that you are somehow not good enough, that something is wrong with you and your body.

Here are some examples to elucidate the point:

Objective Feedback vs. Critical Condemnation

• “I am holding weight in my abdomen – I can tell I have been under a lot of stress.”
  versus “My stomach is flabby and disgusting – I am out of shape and need to do more sit-ups.”
• “I haven’t been able to exercise recently and can tell that my legs are weak.”
  versus “My cellulite is disgusting and I cringe when I look in the mirror.”
• “I notice that when I eat sugar regularly it leads to weight gain and is addictive.”
  versus “Why can’t I control myself?  I am so weak.”
• “I can tell that my arms are becoming weak – it would be good for me to increase my upper-body strength.”
  versus “My arms are flabby, weak, and I don’t even want to look at them.”
• “It has been too long without a haircut.”
  versus “My hair is flat, dull, and disgusting.”

The key is to use your body for valuable, useful feedback, and to disregard the worthless messages of criticism that come from mental conditioning.

Critical condemnation is when you use your body and appearance to:

• Determine your self-worth
• Use it as a reflection of your “success” or “failure”
• Use it as a reflection of your “strength” or “weakness”
• Use it as a reflection of being “good” or “bad”

Here are three helpful steps to help you use your body’s messages for objective feedback, while dropping the mind’s critical condemnation:

1. Become increasingly aware of the difference between the body’s messages and the mind’s messages
2. Separate the “wheat” from the “chaff” – use the objective feedback and drop the self-judgment, criticism, and condemnation
3. Make lifestyle choices based on the feedback, not the condemnation

A key tool to help you learn to differentiate between your body’s messages and your mind’s messages is meditation.

A regular meditation practice is essential to help you break free from the critical mind-chatter that can sabotage your best intentions.

Technorati Tags: body image, sarah maria, self worth, self-esteem and body image

Body-image and Our Relationships

Have you ever hid under the bed covers, not wanting your lover to see you?

Or have you cringed at the thought of seeing yourself in the bathroom mirror?

Were you competitive with your siblings or your parents about the size of your body?

Has anyone you love, has anyone close to you, been judgmental about your body?

Are you, or have you ever been, in a relationship where your lover didn’t like your body?

The fact of the matter is that our bodies and how we feel about our bodies and ourselves can dramatically impact our relationships, either for good or for bad.

Here are some of the ways that Negative Body Obsession can adversely affect your relationships.

• Your lover finds you attractive, but you can’t believe him or her.  You are too concerned about how you look, and unable to enjoy the love that is being given to you.  Without realizing it, you push the other person away and over time destroy the relationship.
• Your beliefs about being unattractive unconsciously lead you to pick a partner who reinforces your low self-esteem and negative self talk.  You find yourself stuck in a negative relationships and are unsure of how to break free.
• You are alone and long for love, intimacy, and connection.  You have been listening to the lies of Negative Body Obsession, which has kept you isolated and alone.

There are an endless number of scenarios and examples, but the simple fact is that if you are living in the trap of NBO, you are unable to connect with other people for real.  The beautiful, amazing fact, however, is that true intimacy and connection are available.  No matter what your size, shape, condition, or anything else, you can enjoy deep love and sharing.  But this is only possible if you learn how to ignore the lies that say you and your body are not quite good enough.

If you have lived a life listening to Negative Body Obsession, you truly do not know the relating that is possible to enjoy with other people.  Negative Body Obsession acts as a true barrier.  Insecurity and negative self-talk truly make it impossible to enjoy the love that is available.  Even if you are involved in many relationships with different people, if you are listening to your negative thoughts and beliefs, they are preventing you from truly connecting.

It is imperative that you understand the cost of entertaining your negative beliefs.  The inability to truly connect with other human beings, the inability to truly relate, is a huge cost.  I recall a spiritual teacher once saying that love is food for the soul.  Just as our body needs fuel to survive, so our soul needs love to survive.  Now, you can live off of a meager diet, lacking in vitamins and minerals, devoid of nutritional content, and you will probably survive.  But will you thrive?  In order to thrive, you need a diet that is nourishing and health promoting.  So it is with your human relationships and interactions. Are your relationships truly nourishing you?  Are they  supplying you with the deep love, connection, and intimacy that feeds your soul?

If you are living with Negative Body Obsession, or negative beliefs about yourself, the answer is no.  The answer has to be “no” because these negative beliefs are making you unavailable to enjoy what may be right in front of you.  They are acting as a shield, blocking out the love that is possible for a human life.

If you long for love in your life, for the true enjoyment that comes from sharing yourself with other people, make a commitment to yourself to finally break free from your negative beliefs about your body and yourself.  When you turn your back on Negative Body Obsession, with its never-ending lies and delusions, you open yourself up to a life that is richer than your wildest dreams.

If you are finally ready to end the negative self-talk and enjoy the relationships you long for, register for our September call on Body-image and Relationships.  Join me and well-known author and relationship expert Lissa Coffey for 60 minutes dedicated to helping you transform and discover the love that is always available when you allow it.

Technorati Tags: body image, relationship

Exploring Compassion

This article is as the title suggests—an exploration.  It is an inquiry.  Last month’s article was about love.  This month — compassion.  According to great spiritual teachers, real love is actually much closer to compassion. This begs the question, what is compassion?  What does it mean to be compassionate?  What is compassionate action?

If you are reading my newsletter and following my work, chances are you want to help or be helped in some way.  You may want to alleviate your own pain and suffering, and/or alleviate the pain and suffering of other people.  You may want to help heal the environment, or make a difference in the world.  Perhaps you consider yourself incredibly blessed and want to give back and share your good fortune.  If you are reading this article, chances are you are someone who lives from the heart, guided very often by your feelings of wanting to help, wanting to make a difference.  And these feelings can often seem like compassion.  Isn’t helping others, being nice, being giving and generous, taking away pain whenever possible, living compassionately?

Consider the dictionary’s definition:

“A feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.”

This definition, in my opinion, is woefully inadequate.  It is based on an inherently limited view of reality.  It assumes that we, as human beings, are able to judge some else’s misfortune and act appropriately.  It also implies that our feelings of wanting to alleviate the sufferings of others are, in and of themselves, compassionate.  In my own experience, this is not always the case.

As you come to know your own heart more and more, you can begin to understand more deeply your own motivations.  And you may discover that what you thought was a simple desire to help, what you thought was compassion, what you thought was love-in-action, has way more to do with your own wants and needs than with anything else.  This is not to say that all feelings of so-called compassion are erroneous, but it does mean that exploring your own motivations, engaging in self-inquiry and exploration, can be useful.

Begin to ask yourself:

How much is my wanting to help an expression of my own wants, needs, and desires?
How much of my wanting to help is based on my own discomfort with other people’s pain?
How much do I identify myself as someone who wants to help make a difference in the world?

Now let me be clear.  I am not by any means saying you should not care about other people.  I am not in any way implying that it is best to be cold-hearted or indifferent.  I am actually assuming that if you are reading this article, you are someone who has a good heart, who is aware of other people, and wants to be kind and generous, spreading love throughout their families and communities.

Which is why I am suggesting that you take your beautiful heart, and begin to understand it more deeply.  Begin to explore yourself, your own motivations, more openly.

In order to know yourself, you must be open to the fact that what you think may always be wrong, or at least only a partial perspective.  Always be willing for another layer to fall away, so that you may see something that was previously hidden from view.

It is only as you open yourself to this that you can begin to develop an understanding of true compassion, which, in my own exploration, is far from what most people think of when they think of compassion.  For the more willing you are to know yourself, to see whatever there is to be seen, the greater your chance of letting life live you, of letting love purify your heart, so that you can be used in whatever way the universe deems fit.

As I have personally engaged in this inquiry, I have made some startling discoveries.  Here are just a few of the things that have surprised me:

• Sometimes compassion doesn’t feel good.
• Sometimes being compassionate means doing nothing, even when someone else is in pain.  In fact, doing nothing may often be the most compassionate choice.
• Any real compassion is impossible as long as your ego is dictating your behavior.
• True compassion is not about individual wants, desires, or needs in any way.

This month, let your life be an exploration into yourself, into your own heart.  Be open to being surprised, and maybe even dismayed for a moment or two.  Discover what motivates you, and be open to whatever is revealed.

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Love and Freedom

One of the defining themes of my adult life has been this something that I refer to as Love.  When the universe forced me into personal crisis a few years ago, it slowly became apparent that a key issue was love.  Ever since then, my life has become, in one form or another, a meditation on love:

What is love?
How do I love myself?
Why does my heart feel broken?
Will I ever feel loved?
How do I love and be loved?
Does love exist?
Is it just an idea, or is it something real?

So far, I have learned much through this meditation; I have learned much on this journey.  This article is designed to help you explore the contours of love in your life, so that you can enjoy the gift that is everyone’s birthright, the gift that the universe wants to give you.

In my experience, learning to love yourself is an essential step on this path of love.  It is the first step because if you hate yourself, you can’t go anywhere.  But how do we love ourselves?  When I was first told to love myself, I had no idea what that meant, nor how to go about it.  Love myself?  You might as well have been speaking a foreign language.  Loving yourself does not mean that you indulge every desire, whim, or impulse.  Nor does it mean that you become infatuated with yourself, per se.

Loving yourself means that you take good care of yourself.  It means you get rid of all those false voices that say you are defective, incompetent, unattractive, unlovable—whatever it may be.  You begin to see more clearly negative voices of conditioning, and you discover that they are nothing other than conditioning.  You slowly learn to break free from them, affirming your inherent self-worth, not because you have done anything or are any particularly way.  You are inherently loveable simply because you exist.  It is your birthright; it is the gift of being a human being.  You accept yourself as you are, and allow yourself to grow and change in the direction of greater peace and harmony.

Self-hatred creates destruction and discontent.  As you learn to love yourself, you break free from these negative tendencies and learn to treat yourself with the dignity and respect that is due to every human being.

As you learn to love yourself, as your own heart heals, the natural impulse is for love to flow outward.  Your relationships begin to change.  You begin to share love with other people.  You begin to discover that love does most certainly exist.  Yet this love is not a commodity.  It is not something that can be earned through merit.  Love just shows up.  It shows up sometimes on this path of life.  You might experience it with your best friend or your lover, maybe a child, or even a parent.  As you explore it, you will discover that the love is there first.  The love just shows up, and then you find out why it is there.

If you have ever had a particularly close love relationship, maybe with a dear friend, you will see how this is the case.  Chances are you felt an attraction, a pull, a love toward that particular person.  As you get to know them more and more, you discover that the love is there for a reason.  Maybe it is there to teach you something, to help you grow, to help you change.  Now the fact is that love is always there, has always been there and will always be there.  It is simply easier to experience in relation to other people with whom you have a heart connection.

The biggest challenge with love for most people is the desire to cling, the desire to keep this something that we call love.  Yet continual change is the nature of everything.  So you must learn to relax on this path of love.  You must learn to relax and allow love to come and go, to ebb and flow as it may.  In this way, love can lead you to greater and greater freedom.  You enjoy being with your friends, your family, your lover, but you also know how to be alone.  When you are together, there is love.  When you are alone, there is also love.  You let everyone be free to do as they may.  You are free to be as you are; to do as you do.  They are free to be as they are; to do as they do.  When you come together, it is a beautiful sharing.  When you are apart, it is also lovely.  You learn to float with the tide of love, coming and going, enjoying and relaxing.

You slowly learn to love the love.  You learn to follow the love.  If love leads you into yourself for a while, go there.  If love leads you to particular people for some time, go there.  If it then leads you elsewhere, just follow the love.  For ultimately, you are love itself, only most of us do not know it.  As you learn to follow love, you discover that it always guides you, teaches you, and informs you.

In speaking of love in relationships, one of my beloved spiritual teachers, Sri Nisargaddatta Maharaj said the following:

“You are neither the husband nor the wife.  You are the love between the two.”

Allow your life to be a journey, an exploration. Inquire into this something called love; this force that permeates everything.  Explore it within yourself; explore it outside of yourself.  Follow it where it leads you, and you are guaranteed to learn something that you don’t already know.  You are guaranteed to learn something about life, about love, about yourself, and about everyone else.

May love fill your heart always.

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