Goodbyes are never easy. Saying farewell to a person who is dying can be one of the hardest things you will go through in this lifetime. Many of you might be experiencing this right now. I’m from the Baby-Boomer Generation and as we get older we also may become part of the Sandwich Generation, which is defined as begin “sandwiched” between taking care of a younger and an older person at the same time. If you have a child in your life, you may also be taking care of a parent or elderly relative, or sadly experiencing someone close to passing, and this of course is not easy to go through.
Less than two years ago I lost my mother, and I’ve been watching many of my friends lose people close to them too. As I write this newsletter, a friend of mine is in hospice and is getting ready to leave this physical world any day now. She is resting and her family and friends are around her constantly.
Even though I’m a psychic medium and know that we all do go on and that the soul is eternal, I too suffer loss just like everyone else. I know and understand what others are going through and do my best to help.
When my mom went into long-term palliative care, they gave me a small booklet by Hank Dunn called, Hard Choices For Loving People. This one little booklet helped me more than anything I could have ever imagined! There’s an excerpt in the booklet that I would like to share. I hope that you will find comfort in the words now or maybe in the future, or perhaps you will share this with someone in need, because no one is really prepared to let someone go.
Here is the excerpt from Hard Choices For Loving People by Hank Dunn:
A natural response to the possibility of losing someone is to hold on tighter or to try to gain more control. Ironically, this does not lead to a life of freedom and joy, the very things we were pursuing. Most of us do learn to let go. We let go of our childhood and accept adult responsibilities. We let go of our teenage children and our attempts to control them. We let go of finding happiness in possessions or careers. We even learn that we have to let go of other people and not be dependent on them for our happiness. To learn these lessons, we have to accept the fact that these things or people were gifts in the first place.
There are two ways to hold on. We can grasp tightly as we would a coin in our fist. We fear we will lose it, so we hold it tight. Indeed, if we open our hand palm down the coin falls from our possession, and we feel cheated. The other way to hold on is by opening our hand palm up. The coin may sit there, or it could be blown away or shaken out of our possession. But while it is there, we are privileged to have it. We hold on with an open hand. Our hand is relaxed and we experience freedom.
This small passage got me through the next month of my mom’s life. I was lucky enough to spend a lot of time with her; we laughed, we cried, we told each other stories. I made sure she had fresh flowers to look at every week, and I arranged for her to have hair done, and to have a massage. We talked about her life, the end of her life, the Other-Side and what to expect. I told her how those who have gone on before her would come and bring her home, and we talked about the signs she would send me. So in other words, I enjoyed my time with her while she was here – instead of holding on tightly.
I’m not saying it was easy, but she lived the end of her life with grace. She brought me into this world and held me with loving arms, and in return, I held her in mine as she went home. I have no regrets, because we said and did everything we needed to say and do. I’ve given this advice many times: “Please say what you have to say to the people that are in your life now, so that you never have to say, “I should have, could have or would have.”
I know this newsletter might sound somber, but I hope it will help you now or in the future, or maybe you can share it with someone who would benefit from it right now.
Try to live your life with an open hand, and appreciate each moment you have with your loved ones and friends.
I know it’s hard to let someone go, but you can be there to help in many ways:
People who are ready to pass like to feel your touch, so hold their hand, or stroke their hair, remain calm and relaxed and just “be” there for them. Some hospices and hospitals offer massage therapy for patients, or even arrange to bring a massage therapist in. Human touch is so important because your loved one is still “here” and wants to feel the warm touch of another.
Ask the person for forgiveness if there is something you need to be forgiven for. Explain to them what you mean if they don’t know what you’ve done. Tell them how sorry you are.
Let go and forgive your loved one for something they may have done to you in the past, and that no matter what, you hold no hard feelings and that you love them anyway.
Thank them for being a part of your life, tell them that you love them, and let them know about all the things you love about them.
If they’re able to communicate, ask if there is something they need to talk about now, or is there anything you can do for them now or after they have passed.
Tell them that it is okay to let go, and that you’ll also be okay, and as much as you wish this wasn’t happening, you don’t want them to hang on for you. Tell them that the love and memories you both share will always be a part of you, and that their spirit will also be a part of you for the rest of your life.
Losing someone is one of the hardest things you will ever have to experience. There’s nothing simple or trivial about it. Since this is happening in my life right now, I hope this newsletter will help you and those you love when you need it the most.
Live a Soul-Filled life!