Author

Denise Linn

•-Feature Health & Well-being Spirituality

Monkey Mind Gone Wild! (Exchanging “Could” for “Should”)

Perhaps you’ve heard of monkey mind. It’s an ancient Buddhist term meaning, “unsettled, restless, and uncontrollable.” In other words, your mind jumps all over the place, usually to your own detriment. Sometimes I have so much non-stop activity in my head that it feels like there’s a whole troop of monkeys swinging to and fro in my head.

Unfortunately, this is not a new challenge for me. In my twenties, I spent two and a half years in a Zen Buddhist monastery (meditating up to 16 hours a day) trying to slow down the incessant chatter, but I found it nearly impossible.

I’ve decided that if I can’t stop it, then maybe there’s value in examining, understanding, and maybe even directing those primates.

Examining my monkey mind has made me aware that a good percentage of the chatter has to do with “should.” Here are some examples of my thoughts from just the last hour:

“I eat too fast, I shouldn’t eat so fast.”
“I shouldn’t be playing solitaire, I should be working. This is a waste of time.”
“My e-mails are piling up, I should answer them more quickly.”

Any time we use the word “should” we are, on some level, feeling guilty… and avoiding taking responsibility for our actions. For example, regarding my pile of e-mails, if I made them a top priority I could answer them in a timely manner, but the truth is I’m choosing not to at this time. A powerful stand in life is to replace “should” with “could.” For example: “I could answer all those e-mails, but I choose not to at this time.”

“Should” implies guilt.
“Could” implies responsibility.

Here’s an exercise I do with my “shoulds.” This often works miracles for me, and it may be valuable for you too.What are your “shoulds”? List them.After each item on your list, ask yourself, “If someone paid me a million dollars, would I do it?”

For example, maybe you keep thinking that you should clean the garage, but you’ve put it off for two years, and you’re feeling guilty about it all the while. However, if someone paid you a million dollars, I bet you’d be cleaning your garage (and the neighbor’s garage too) before you could snap your fingers. So, the truth is that you could clean your garage, you are just choosing not to at this time.

When I find myself thinking about “what I should do,” I turn it into “what I could do, put prefer not to at this time.” For example:

I could eat slower, but I choose not to at this time. I’m a passionate eater!

I could do my work now, but I choose not to. I choose to play Solitaire instead… and I love it!

And, I could answer my e-mails, but I choose not to at this time. I’ll answer them when it feels like joy instead of drudgery.

Changing your thoughts can empower you and help you step forward with increased confidence and assuredness. Plus, the more adept you become at releasing the guilt of “should,” the more likely your monkey mind will quiet to a gentle hum, rather than the chatter of a raging troop of monkeys.

Wishing you well on your journey to taming your monkey mind!

April 9, 2014 0 comment

•-Feature Health & Well-being

Liar . . . or Vivid Imagination?

written by Denise Linn

When I was growing up my dad told me many things that just weren’t true, but as a child I believed them. For example, he told me that he had done hand-to-hand combat in World War II and had even reluctantly killed a few men. I thought he must’ve been so brave to have endured such a harrowing experience. (I found out after his death that he’d never actually left his ship.) Most of his lies were to put himself in a better light, but some were darker and were born of denial and shame.

As I grew into adulthood, most of my father’s untruths lay revealed. My initial anger at having been deceived over the years turned into forgiveness and understanding… and eventually even evolved into compassion.

However, when one more untruth just came to light yesterday, I began to think about my dad’s proclivity to be inventive with the truth. When I was about 10 years old, my father told me a story that he said that he’d made up. It was about an old gardener and a traveler. I loved the story, so yesterday I decided to post it on my Facebook site. Immediately, many folks posted that it was one of their favorite stories that their spiritual teacher or their guru had told them.

“What! My dad didn’t make up that story? Oh no! Darn. Darn. Darn. He lied again!”

Although my father has been dead for many years, it stung to discover yet one more dishonest act. All these years I had harbored pride about this particular story… and when I found out that he hadn’t originated it, I realized that his other stories probably weren’t original either.

Okay, now I have a choice. I can either open old wounds and harvest fresh resentment, or I can forgive him. It’s not always easy, but when it comes, forgiveness is a healing salve. I know that to harbor bitterness is like “swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies.” And I know that with forgiveness comes new life and ease. I realize that I can indeed choose forgiveness. It is a choice.

When I began to forgive my dad, a gentle amusement about the vastly creative ways he used to embellish his world filled me. The more bemused I became the more warmth, peace and relaxation flowed over me. Truly forgiveness is a choice, and in my choice to see my father as someone with a highly creative imagination (rather than a liar) I found a peace fill me. It was a direct experience of the healing power of forgiveness

So if you saw the story I posted on Facebook, my father didn’t write it … but it’s a good story never-the-less.

Here are a few Forgiveness Tips:

You don’t have to forgive the act (some acts are unforgivable) but you can forgive the individual who committed the act.
Your forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you … so you don’t carry the emotional burden of resentment and bitterness on your shoulders.
If you just can’t forgive the perpetrator, then forgive yourself for not forgiving. It’s a powerful starting point.

November 1, 2013 4 comments

•-Feature Health & Well-being Spirituality

You Never Step In The Same River Twice

written by Denise Linn

Two of my dearest friends are getting divorced. They always seemed so great together. We loved going to the “Concerts in the Park” with them in the summertime. Their kids would play tag while we’d spread out a picnic, open a bottle of wine and listen to music from the musicians strumming their guitars in the gazebo. I always felt like I’d stepped into a Norman Rockwell painting during those picnics. But life changes.

“It is impossible to step into the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and you’re not the same person.”
— Heraclitus

There’s a part of me that doesn’t like change. I know that it’s the way of the Tao and it helps us grow spiritually, but I don’t jump up and clap my hands with glee, and say, “Awesome, things are changing.”

On the contrary, it often feels like fingernails on a chalkboard when change is on my horizon. I kick, whimper, and protest despite my affirmations to the contrary. Consciously I affirm, “I accept new things into my life” while my subconscious yells, “Baloney!!! No you don’t!”

Big changes, like my daughter going to kindergarten, were hard. But I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve even rebelled when a favorite item at the grocery store was no longer carried, even though I’ve often found that the replacement products are better. When my favorite radio show went off the air I grieved, though I now really enjoy the country music that replaced it.

“Everything flows and nothing abides; everything gives way and nothing stays fixed… Cool things become warm, the warm grows cool; the moist dries, the parched becomes moist… It is in changing that things find repose.”

— Heraclitus

The truth is that nothing stays the same on our sweet planet Earth, as she spirals through the Universe. I can either embrace change or I can resist it… but nothing is going to stop the constant molecular dance of energy. (If I resist change, I just make myself miserable. But if I embrace the new input into my life, I almost always find a new awakening or a new beginning.)

So, for today, my spiritual practice is to embrace whatever change is in the air… even the divorce of my friends, even a change in the weather, and even our change of plans for this lovely day.

Here’s what I suggest doing:
(if you’re like me and sometimes struggle with change)

Affirm: “I accept this change… and know that something even better is in my future!”
See the Good: Instead of focusing on all the things you are unhappy about, list all the great things that are coming out of the change. For example, when Meadow went to kindergarten, I had more time and I began to write books in the time that I would’ve spent with her.
Trust: Trust that there is a divine plan for your life and that it is unfolding perfectly… even if it doesn’t seem like it.

November 26, 2013 0 comment