Takes Your Breath Away
I had a moment this weekend … a moment that took my breath away and filled me up with so much love, that it burst out of my eyes in the form of tears. It began as a typical day … just like any other … except it wasn’t!
I started my day off with a cup of tea, a kiss good-bye from my 13 year-old son as he left for another 8th grade school day, some emails, a little creative work, accounting tasks, a kiss and hug from my hubby as he left for a race in a regatta in Mexico, a little counseling, a little lunch, some more emails, a little more work and finally … dinner and shopping with my two boys.
It is not often that I get to spend alone time with both of my boys. They are far apart in age … almost 8 years … and my oldest son Crew is now living in his own home, so it truly is a very special time when we can all get together and go to dinner and do some shopping.
Now, just to back up for a few and bring you all up to speed.
Six months ago, my then 19 year-old son Crew, was in a serious car accident. He broke his neck (as did the driver of the car) and suffered other injuries. It was a challenging time for our entire family. If any of you have walked through experiences like this, you know they can make you stronger or they can break you down. There is a book entitled When Bad Things Happen To Good People and I truly believe that good and bad is in one’s own perception. I might title the book something like Sometimes Bad Things Happen for Good Reasons.
Within a few days of Crew’s accident, I knew that this experience for him was what I might call an “exit point”. An “exit point” is a time and place where anyone can choose to leave his/her body and go home. That realization made me sad, scared and confused. I experienced emotions that I am not comfortable with. I felt loss … even though he was alive, and for a brief time I got into the “what ifs” of life and I allowed my emotional body to express its fears and worries. Once the calm had settled back in, my Spirit came back into my body and I decided to find the gift in this experience. I made a commitment to keep my energy focused on the “blessing” and to stay in a place of gratitude no matter what happened. Even when the doctors said he needed surgery, I stayed in a place of gratitude, knowing the bigger purpose and feeling in my heart that he would heal naturally. So, I released the fear.
Dinner Friday night
The three of us ate dinner at Sweet Tomatoes (one of my favorite places and a great place for a vegetarian) and got a chance to catch up on “life” and what was happening in our individual worlds. Crew began sharing with my son Arizona and I, how happy he was and how he hadn’t felt this happy ever in his life. He just received a promotion at work and although he had wanted the promotion 9 months ago, he could see clearly now why it didn’t happen. He wasn’t ready and he wasn’t mature enough. He shared with us how the car accident gave him clarity about what was truly important and where he wanted to put his energy in his life. He said that he was LOVING work and the challenges of all the new roles he was playing and the new tasks he was learning and how exhilarating busy days could be. He was proud of himself for overcoming the neck brace, the pain and the restrictions that came with a serious injury like that. I found myself listening intently and was aware of my heart feeling fuller and fuller. I don’t think there is a more fulfilling feeling than when you see, feel and know that someone you LOVE dearly is truly happy. Crew is happy with himself, his life, his choices and all of the experiences he has lived to this day, all of it!
It was a love-filled moment for me, and I was enjoying the fullness of that love.
And while basking in that love, one of the bus boys came up to our table and asked if he could take a couple of our plates. Crew thanked him and continued talking. He stopped mid-sentence and asked me if he was allowed to tip the bus boy. Although I am not sure, I believe I said yes. So, Crew took some money out of his wallet and waited until the bus boy came back … and while he waited … I observed.
I observed Crew’s loving energy, felt his intention of wanting to uplift and support this bus boy, and his desire to thank and help someone else out. (I love to witness one human being honoring and supporting another.) So, when the young man finally came back, Crew handed him the money and said “Hey thanks brother, I really appreciate you.” Then he looked at me and said, ” I just like to help people out once in a while, and he looked like he could really use it.”
And in that moment … my heart experienced that fullness and tears just started to flow. As the tears fell from my eyes, I just stared at my son in awe and he asked me, “Mom, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I said to him, “Sometimes, that is just what Moms do, we just cry.” We cry in amazement and love of these incredible beings that chose to come in and live their lives with and through us. These beings that give us the honor of LOVING them so we can receive this love in return:) What a gift:)
These were simple words that on any other day, would have just been normal, simple words. But on this day, at this time and at this dinner with my sons, it touched the deepest part of my heart. I knew it wasn’t the words, it was the energy behind the words and that energy is what I will always remember and feel. ~ Sunny Dawn Johnston