I understand this on such a deep level.
Being ostracized, bullied and beaten to the point of almost taking my own life. I did whatever I could, and sometimes still do, to please others.
Perhaps as Jeff says it’s a “self protection pattern” so that they (you) “won’t turn on” me too. A subconscious plot to keep them (you) happy so when the bully comes for me again I have allies? Or maybe to keep them (you) from becoming one as well?
In our unconscious pain we often wear many “self-protection” shields or devices. And as I/we grow in awareness, one by one, we’re faced with the opportunity to put them down and face the world from a more vulnerable, higher, truer, and braver perspective.
It’s takes immense courage. But it’s possible.
And if you stumble or fall. That’s Ok too.
It’s all part of the process.