Today before the hustle and bustle of New Year’s celebrations, although mine will be very intimate, I am taking the day to reflect (self-inquiry) on 2017 and all that it brought to light through the shadow.
For many, including myself, it’s been a very challenging year. It seems everything, all at once in some cases, is coming to the light to be revealed and if we’re ready, healed.
It’s all felt very overwhelming. Like our college teacher throwing us an entire new subject just days before an exam. And our reaction is perhaps to panic, at least mine has been. But this year has brought so much for me personally to look at and heal. I faced the choice of either allowing it to drag me, or to stand in the power of my own awareness and look at what it all had to offer.
And I’m not so much into being dragged, you?
Being dragged to me seems to cause so much undo pain and suffering. Although perhaps some suffering through the process is inevitable. Would child birth be a good example? It’s not something I’ve experienced myself however from what I am aware of the process comes with a lot of pain and in the end, a new life. And there’s no turning back once it starts, right?
And so like the experience of childbirth is described I close my eyes and breathe through the most intense experiences, and sometimes when it all seems too much… I go for the drugs, my drug of choice being food. But as I grow in my own awareness, as I take these habits and experiences to self-inquiry I am able to see what they are. Conditioned responses of resistance.
And I close my eyes and breathe, only to discover…
Our ultimate resistance seems to be to ourselves. To what’s born within us to reveal and how scary that might be once we discover it and are called to give it. The ultimate vulnerability. And we all know how much we like that. Like the first time you’re asked to make a presentation about yourself or something that’s really close to your heart versus curriculum.
It’s such a struggle between wanting to be seen and being afraid to be seen. But this is life, everything, if we allow it, a catalyst to knowing ourselves and then having the courage to deliver it with all we’ve got. Courage – being afraid and doing it anyway. I think that and resilience are my super powers. And oh how grateful I am for them both.
Life for me, well just say, has been a bumpy ride, and without getting into a story of doom and gloom let me just say that that I see you and I feel your pain. Whatever it is, besides child birth, I have been there or experienced it personally or through relationships. And I can truly and finally say. I am grateful for every one of them because without them, and without my innate ability to resilience, and the courage to look deep. I wouldn’t be the shepherd of authenticity I am today.
At any time I could have let it all slip and rested comfortably – not so comfortably in a life of conditioning and resistance. But I can’t and I won’t and my mission is not only to keep birthing what’s within me to give, but to inspire those who cross my path, or perhaps follow me, to find the courage to do the same.
To share what’s on their hearts, and to live a VividLife.
And what does that even look or feel like?
Only you know, and only if you give yourself the space to listen. However you do that. For me just a wee time alone barefooting in nature does the trick. It’s like the direct path to connection with whatever contract it is I made with the Universe and the quieter I get the louder it gets.
I love it. Its energy tingles through my body and gives me the strength I need to combat a world that would have me a consumerist puppet. Living a cosmically authentic life isn’t always easy, but the more I listen to my own inner wisdom the easier it is to cut through the bullshit (my own and others) and the less I take it all personally.
So what I would ask you to do, in lieu of forcing yourself to make another New Year’s Resolution and then beating yourself up for not achieving it, is to find your place of stillness (solitude) over the next week or so and ask yourself, what does my VividLife look like?
What, where, when, who and how?
And I’ll be back to collect your answer…
Here are some previous answers.
You can choose to share yours publicly by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line “please share”, just with me – mark you message “keep private”, or keep it to yourself.
And if spirit moves you, attach your picture so I can see your beautiful face.
Either way. It’s time.
We’re in this together,