It’s 10AM, I’ve had three coffees, sent my husband off to work, and I am still sitting here in my underwear feeling rather emotional and defeated. It’s been grey and rainy here for the better part of spring, and now summer, and after a really long miserable winter, both weather wise and personal, I have had just about enough.
My usual inspired self is literally being clouded and I thought I owed it to you and myself to be transparent about it because life isn’t always Instagram perfect and I think we all need to start taking steps to being more transparent about that.
But we’re uncomfortable with that right?
When someone loses a loved one, writes a sad post on Facebook or says they aren’t feeling the greatest our go to is uncomfortably and an immediate “sorry for your loss”, “it will get better”, “stay strong”, “I am here for you” and then crickets.
Our words fall dead without action. Which is why it can be so hard to speak up about our feelings as it tends to isolate you, like you have an infectious disease or something, and especially if you are a public figure.
Thoughts go through your head like “What if my publisher sees this”, “I’ll lose my credibility”, “more email unsubscribes” and then the rebel in me screams “FUCK IT”. Life is all sorts of things and it’s certainly not all sunshine and rainbows. Especially this year, at least for me.
I’m that person who falls seven times and gets up eight, who’s relentlessly true to myself no matter what the consequences. If you’ve followed me throughout the years you may have noticed when I no longer felt in alignment I took a break and then came back with a new direction when I was clear. Risky behavior for a corporate conditioned world, but I am neither interested in corporate or conditioning.
I began my career in the entertainment industry and when I realized that I loved to wake up early and that I wasn’t so much into late nights filled with loud noise, drugs and alcohol, I changed my direction. I worked in media for a while, then events, marketing and business development, then the wellness industry – all with great success, managing to make it to the top of whatever it was I chose to do. I’ve been called a genius but like all great minds we don’t believe it.
Then along came VividLife.me, a movement, as I like to refer to it, for both myself and anyone who followed it. Eight years, over 4 million reached, thousands of radio shows produced with guests from A list celebrities to self-help mover and shakers. But that too had to go and it was spontaneous.
It was during a workshop at one of my favorite low key personal development centres called “The Hive”, run by two very dear friends, very close to my home. There we were, sitting in a circle as the facilitator – Krista Moore asked us to share what was on our hearts, I broke down and broke through.
It was time for yet another change, but what? What I felt was that it was time for me to stop hiding behind the editor and producer’s desk and “Come Out” again. To share what was on my own heart and how I had transformed a life of wounds to wisdom. But what did that look like?
I still really don’t know. I’m not one for brands, marketing, sales and click bate (although I was conditioned to be). It just doesn’t feel right and whenever I went to “sell out” I just couldn’t. I felt a sinking it my gut that just wouldn’t let go and so I vowed that no matter what, I would stay true to the voice that doesn’t use words. The one that you can feel in your entire body when you go to do something that feels out of alignment and when you’re doing something in alignment lights up and twinkles like a star.
And that for me (yup I used and to start a sentence) is to do what inspires me when it inspires me and to feel emotions fully when they are there to be felt and from now on to be even more transparent about that. This is what you call presence. We’ve all heard a lot about it and this is just what it means. Not just being present to sunshine and rainbows trying to wish the clouds away, but to let the clouds in, “have a cup of tea with them” as my dear friend Deb Shapiro would say or as the famous Rumi poem “The Guest House” so beautifully describes…
“Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.”
Emotions are energy in motion. They are there gracefully guiding you in the direction of what needs to be looked at. They are not to be affirmed or prayed away but to be welcomed in for a cup of tea.
Fear lies in our ignorance. The more we understand ourselves and our emotions the freer we become. So give yourself permission to be real. When someone asks you how you’re doing. Tell the truth. When someone is having a bad day, challenge your auto respond and instead go in deep.
“Be the change”, live your life “all in”. We’re all in this together.
It’s not always easy but it’s worth it.