As I transition from producer and curator of VividLife.me to sharing My VividLife experiences with all it’s challenges and celebrations. As I step further away from ‘Likes’ and “Shares” and walk deeper into the awareness of why “likes” and “shares” matter I have lost a lot of “followers” and since I’ve decided to take a break from social media and do my own 21 Day VividLife Quest I have been deeply contemplating why I am challenged by it.
Which brings me back to the very reason that I have taken the break in the first place.
That I had become so consumed with others, either by helping them, or by being caught up in the trap of how they are receiving me. I forgot about myself. I became in somewhat of a trance.
Waking up every day, opening my phone, checking who has messaged me, who’s liked, shared and commented on my posts and continuing this throughout the day, whether I was in the company of others or not.
My head was always down, my mind was always questioning why my posts weren’t more popular than they were. Checking back and forth on other people’s pages and seeing information that seemed copied, paraphrased and over simplified gain far more “likes”, “shares” and comments than my own, and I was sharing my heart out.
Sharing my own authentic, deeply vulnerable experiences and what I was learning from them. So why were they not more popular? And why am I even concerned with their popularity or mine? So as always I had to take a step back and contemplate. What is my intent? This is where I took a deep breath. Cause everything I do is not planned out, polished and marketed.
If you follow me closely you will see that I make many spelling and grammatical errors and I don’t really follow any literary structure. It’s just who I am. I do my best. But don’t get wrapped up in the perfection of it all. That’s one thing I am really learning to let go of. If someone is so interested in structure and correctness. I am not for them.
To me language is a means for understanding not perfection and such is life. And through my own self-discovery, reading and writings I am finding the same. I just sit down, type, and let it flow. Mostly for myself because I just can’t bear to keep it inside.
There is this inner voice that just won’t let me away without expressing it. Whether it’s writing or sharing my opinion with others. I have a unique way of seeing the world and love to share it.
But my challenge has been, especially lately, that I had become so wrapped up in others I actually was finding it difficult to hear that voice. If someone disagreed with my post I would get so wrapped up and sometimes spend hours responding, arguing, contemplating and doubting myself.
But not anymore.
Through taking this time to step back from social media, to take time to incorporate more of what I love, with who I love, where I love. I have started to feel that spark again. My life is coming back.
No more social media addicted, self-help, quote sharing zombie.
I have lifted my head to life again. I am starting to feel more alive and once again deeply connected to my heart. And it is no coincidence that this morning, as I am beginning to feel connected again, I read this:
“The heart is the center where love happens, birth happens, death happens. When death happens it is the heart that stops. When love happens it is the heart that dances. When birth happens it is the heart that starts beating. All that is real happens in the heart and all that is unreal happens in the mind. The mind is the faculty for the unreal, for the fictitious, for the games” Osho
And I know now that I was deeply wrapped up in the mind and I had lost connection with my heart. Yet again I was being challenged on my path to authentically and unveiling who I am, and that challenge showed up in the form of unreal, fictitious, games. Distracting myself from my own hearts path by getting wrapped up in the opinions and approval of others. Mind stuff.
We can never really know what makes someone else who they are, as popular as they are and why people “like’, “share” and “comment”. The only thing we can really know is what’s in our own hearts, and when we become distracted by trying to figure it all out. We lose ourselves, every time.
And so as I continue my journey I’ll let the mystery be the mystery, keep my mind in check by living from my heart and share it with all I’ve got. I deeply realize that I am not for everybody, I am for myself.