Even at 41 I still question myself and my path.
I battle with my head (conditioning) and my heart (inner knowing).
But what I know for sure is… that every time I follow my heart I end up exactly where I am suppose to.
Every experience might not be sunshine and rainbows but it’s what I needed to gain a greater understanding.
8 months ago I felt a desire to change, I was running my own radio network and personal development site which had reached around 4 million and was averaging about 500,000 visits a month.
I thought that was it.
That was who I was and what I would do for the rest of my life.
But again, like so many times on my path. I got the call, first it was whispers, then screams. It’s time to let it go. And so I did.
I trusted my heart, I mustered up the courage and I let it go.
At first I felt freedom, then some momentary sadness set in, but I gave it it’s space.
I moved through the very thoughts and emotions many of you have experienced and are experiencing now, but a little differently then I ever had before.
I just allowed them to come, to move through me, to teach me and then to let go of me so that I could step on this new path with clarity and focus.
More suffering came, I let it in, and so happiness and joy came as well. I let them in too.
And what I truly began to realize is, that what caused most of my suffering was the inner conditioning that I had to be defined by one thing.
My mind took me back to that age old question every parent, teacher, aunt, uncle and friend asks…
“What do you want to be when you grow up”, “a fireman, doctor, lawyer, teacher”.
I didn’t know then and I still don’t have the answer now.
But what I do know is; I want to be doing what I love, where I love, the way I love with who I love and as I grow and evolve so do the people, places and experiences that surround me.
So what feels like the right path for me is always changing and that’s OK.
Because my worthiness is not an outside thing. It’s an inside one
Photo of me by Marlon Hazlewood