I am always last.
Even as I write this blog after gorging a bunch of chocolate and an English muffin covered in way to much butter.
I am always last.
I am eating the emotions of the victims of the Fort Lauderdale shootings.
I am eating the emotions of every American person who is in fear for what the future holds.
I am eating the emotions of every person I’ve come in contact with over the holidays that is suffering.
I am eating the emotions of being afraid for the health and safety of my dogs.
I am eating the emotions of projection for those who feel I have left them out
I am eating the emotions of the pain and suffering both individually and collectively
I am eating the emotions from the experiences of the characters in the movie I watched last night.
My face is numb from lack of oxygen. My stomach is uneasy. My side in pain.
I am so overwhelmed with the thoughts feelings and emotions of others.
And yet I have this feeling that if I turn my attention to me. I am selfish.
That I am some monster to be despised.
The rich selfish people I heard tell about over an over as a child.
But as the New Year rang in, and I sat in my bed ‘poisoned’ by the very thing I turn to for comfort.
I felt myself beginning to wake up. To finally understand.
To understand something I have heard so much it started to sound like a cliché
I even said it myself, I posted quotes about it over and over again.
Like a broken record.
Take care of you.
But is that what we really want?
Are we really ready to step back from the overcompensating, empathic, take too much shit uncles, aunts, friendly neighbors and friends that we are?
Can we handle it?
Can we muster up the courage to be brave enough to put ourselves first?
Can we fight the resistance that follows?
I walked into my kitchen and made myself another English muffin.
Now I am eating my emotions.
There I go. That is a start.
Perhaps it may not seem or feel like progression.
But it is.
It’s all we can do.
These patterns don’t begin overnight and they certainly won’t end overnight.
And the fact that we can even begin to muster up the courage to make just a little change.
Makes us warriors.
No matter how small the step that first step reminds us we can do it.
There is hope.
And where there is hope there can be change.
So today, tomorrow, in 2017 and beyond.
Change doesn’t happen overnight.
It begins with a realization, then another, then another.
Then eventually we muster up the courage to take one step, and then another and then another.
And eventually we look back from the top of that mountain and realize, as the great Taoist teacher so perfectly nails…
“The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step”
It doesn’t have to be big.
You just have to make it.
But not until you’re ready.
Take your time.
Do your best to be present.
Walk with awareness.
If you stay the course long enough.
You’ll reach the peak.
What first step can you make for yourself today?
I’m working with a great group of people beginning January 11 who are taking their first steps.
They are making a commitment to bring more of themselves to 2017 and beyond.
And taking the first step with a 21 Day VividLife Quest.
If you’re ready to take your first step.