There is nothing that creates a greater inner schism than an emotion that is dismissed, or worse still, denigrated, and invalidated. As adults we know exactly what this feels like. We have all encountered situations where someone says something to us or does something to us that completely nullifies our sense of self. For that one moment, their power to reduce us to a sense of nothing is absolute. Their words like a sword pierce into our core, slashing away at any sense of worth, integrity or dignity. What is left behind is the ruins of a self that feels powerless, devastated and shattered. We have all been taken to this place or rather allowed ourselves to go there. Unfortunately…or fortunately, we have all had to confront this pain.
The reason we arrive at this place is because we have felt invalidated. Our emotional state has been dis-honored and left by the wayside. Sometimes this occurs in the most subtlest of ways; we are ignored, or looked at as if we have two heads, or questioned constantly till we begin to question ourselves, or told how we are actually feeling. We enter a conversation feeling one way and leave it feeling an entirely different way. Our core has been shaken, ripped apart and we no longer remain in our as-is state.
We all know the opposite feeling – the feeling of being validated. We feel accepted, honored and empowered. We have been seen. Our need has been attended. This again can happen in the most subtle of ways: we are allowed to speak, we are given eye-contact, we are paid attention to, we are given space to be. Here, we either leave the conversation feeling the same, or in most cases, feeling a little lighter. This is the power of emotional validation.
Our first tendency when we are confronted with an emotional state of another – especially if it is contrary to our own emotional state – is to disallow. We unconsciously or consciously do not give the other’s state a space to exist. We seek to energetically annihilate it. We are all masters of this.
Attuning to another’s emotional state is an art we all could work on.
It means having the space within oneself to allow another to exist. As is.
Without judgment. Without desire to control them. Without shaming their need to be lesser-than the standards we have decided they should be.
This takes a strong inner connection. A connection that thrives on its own pulse. That feels validated without the need to de-validate another. That feels so much inner freedom that others are allowed to feel free as well.
This means we would need to feel our Oneness on a deep and fundamental level. When this Oneness is the natural state of the inner experience, our desire to manifest external fusion through control , dominance and mental doing fades.
It all begins with one’s sense of inner Oneness.