Are you attracted to people who are exactly like you or exactly the opposite? Do you and your partner’s different ways complement one another or are you like two peas in a pod? My husband and I have totally opposite Ayurvedic constitutions and astrological signs. But we also balance each other in a way that makes us glad we’re not too much alike. Exploring your relationship dynamic through the lens of Ayurveda can help you appreciate your partner’s similarities and differences in the context of the five natural elements. With a little honest introspection, you might just find that the biggest difference between you and your special someone is actually a healing force for both of you.
My Vata Meets Your Pitta-Kapha
My Ayurvedic constitution (dosha) is predominantly Vata. My husband’s constitution is Pitta-Kapha. Here’s a little sneak peek into how this plays out for us. I tend to do about 10 million things at a time. My husband has laser sharp focus and sometimes gets irritated by my distractability. Knowing that I am like the wind, always moving from one thing to another, he puts an earthy, solid hand on my shoulder to ground me. He reminds me to breathe and feel the earth and focus. I can draw upon his fire-water-earth constitution for stability when I get spun out, especially on windy days. And when my husband gets fixated on something that he can’t let go of, or can’t stop working on (honey, we’re late!), I sweep in like fresh air to lighten things up and get things moving on.
By nature as a Vata girl, I tend to run cold. My Pitta-Kapha guy is my heater. In the winter months, I crave an all-out electric mattress warmer ( a total no-go as far as he is concerned). But with my husband by my side, the bed gets toasty very quickly. I can appreciate his fire in the winter, and he finds relief in my coolness when he gets overheated in the summer.
What’s For Dinner, Darling?
Food can be a big issue between two people of different Ayurvedic constitutions at the same dinner table. I am vegetarian, while my husband is a big, earthy guy who feels best eating meat. For the first few years of our marriage, he put up with me banning meat from our house. But over time, he got a little frustrated and bored with the veggie dishes I served every day. So one day as a surprise, in honor of his food preferences, I made his favorite beef bourguignon. It was really hard for me to prepare it and cook it, but he was so incredibly grateful that I agreed to do it once a year. Since then, I try to meet him somewhere in the middle of his needs and mine. He eats more tofu than he’d probably like to, and I cook things I never even thought I’d look at.
The Dating Game
The night I met my husband, one of the first things I said was “He’s not my type.” Eleven years later, we’ve gotten comfortable seeing our differences as beneficial, healing, and balancing. I think many people look for a partner that shares the same interests and way of doing things. And I bet that works out really well a lot of the time.
Life brought me an opposite type of partner. The big lesson for me has been learning to appreciate my husband when he is acting in a way that wouldn’t make any sense at all if I didn’t know his Ayurvedic constitution. We all see things through our own unique lens, and it can be hard to comprehend why people do things so differently. Understanding Ayurveda helps Vata-me to understand my Pitta-Kapha husband. It’s like there’s a fire, earth, and water sign that pops up behind his head when he does or says something that I never in a million years would have thought of doing. He stretches me outside of my box, and even though that can uncomfortable, I’m growing a little more every day.