Do you ever feel like there are some patterns in your life you can’t seem to shake, no matter what?
There are stories we all tell about our childhood, our parents and our own lives. We live them out unconsciously or consciously. And we collect props from these stories- photos, furniture, clothing, jewels, letters, papers – and they make the story even more real.
To escape the story, the karmic loop of sorts, you set yourself free.
Today, we are going to talk about creating that kind of freedom from a past that need not be the present.
My mother’s favorite stories were all about how perfect my father was. You see, he was gorgeous, a mad genius, driven beyond words, and he was so devoted to her that he skipped classes for a year of Law School at NYU to study at home with her because she was in the worst part of her agoraphobia and was afraid to leave the house. Despite it all he managed to graduate at the top of his class, start a booming legal practice of his own and then, suddenly and alarmingly, things changed. He became a drug addict, a compulsive gambler and had multiple affairs and multiple families (*this is for my memoirs, too big a story to tell) and then his criminality skyrocketed and mayhem ensued.
Now, when you are a little girl and you hear how a perfect man became successful and then suddenly became a crazy monster you pick up two big pieces of information: 1. success makes people maniacs and 2. your significant other can turn overnight into a psycho.
If you look at the trajectory of my own life, these two untrue truisms that were well-soldered into my personal history become glaringly evident. From my dating history to my own wildly unbridaled behavior at early successes in my own life, I spend years living out the same stories.
Are you living out stories you inherited from other people?
Chances are, you might be. I certainly was.
I urge you to write a new chapter.
The true history of my gorgeous parents is that my dad- already with that beam of evil in his eye- had issues with substance abuse long before he was successful. He was never faithful according to many people who knew him well, playing the Don Draper role quite perfectly. All of his personal demise was well estabilshed from childhood and growing steadily over time, leading up to the sonic boom that leveled my mother because she could no longer turn a blind eye and pretend that it wasn’t happening when it reached full boil.
My mother also forgot to talk about all of her own talents and magnetism, all of my father’s amazing qualities and benevolence (he was your free lawyer if you needed him, always, and gave out enormous amounts of money and food and help as charity)… But you know, we see and say what we want to see and say.
All this is to say, you may be attached to a story that isn’t quite true. And even if it is a true story, it’s not something that has to enslave you.
Last night I found my mom’s wedding certificate, her divorce papers, the deed to transfter the house… and I tossed it all in the trash.
I kid you not, I didn’t even know it was packed away in boxes but getting rid of it has made me feel high. It’s was the last hidden pieces of that story looming around me.
While there are many exercises and there are tons of feng shui cures of sorts to help in this regard, the best thing I can recommend far and wide to help you if you are stuck in a loop of stories is this:
Can you be honest with yourself about the stories you have been living out?
Can you write out that old story and tear it up- or trash it as I just did- and start on a new story?
Yes, of course you can.
And you should.
While this is wildly simplified, I will say that it is very liberating just to realize that you are stuck in a story. Once you see anything clearly you are free to change it!
Wishing you a life of infinite possibility that feels- and is- real. xoxo Dana