I had a coaching client recently who emailed me telling me how much she wanted to change a certain issue and what she wanted to create in her life.
As we started our first session it became really clear that she actually didn’t want to change anything. Not really.
She told me every reason she could think of why the change wouldn’t work, why she wasn’t good enough, told me all about her past failures and why she probably wouldn’t even get any results really. When I asked her to list five things she could do, she couldn’t think of one thing! She was so focused on all the reasons why she was stuck that she hadn’t actually looked at how to get “un-stuck”.
It got me thinking about how often we actually defend all the reasons why we can’t do something. Whether it’s starting your own business, losing weight or changing your surroundings, you can list 50 reasons why you can do something or 50 reasons why you can’t – the reasons for both sides are still there whichever set you list, but: which ones do you want to work with?
So many times we say we want something but then we actually argue for all the reasons why things won’t change and then wonder why it doesn’t. What if we retrained ourselves to do the opposite? What if, instead of accepting and talking up all the reasons why things are so bad and our new plans won’t work, we made a commitment to assert all the reasons why we CAN have, be and do what makes us happy?
I know in my own life that when I started to be more conscious of being on my own side, things really started to change in the direction that I wanted them to go in., Everything seemed to take off.
For such a long time I would read about things without actually applying them, or furiously write lists and notes and then only get half of it done. I’d tell myself that there were so many reasons why things wouldn’t work out or why things couldn’t be done. I never really focused on the factors in place for success, so it’s no wonder that for such a long time things didn’t seem to work.
Being on your own side doesn’t mean sticking your head in the sand and not looking at challenges.It means looking at them from a perspective of why you CAN overcome them rather than why you can’t; it means looking at what you can do about something rather than just sitting there and complaining about it, and it means giving more of your attention to the good things and the things that you want to experience than to the things you don’t.
To go back to my client , we discussed ways that she could be on her own side more starting with how she spoke about her situation and what she could to to provide herself with more support and she made major progress on her project the following week.
List three things you can do be on your own side
There are always going to be reasons why things can and can’t work – the difference lies in which side you are on.
Action for this week:
This week, watch which side you are on. Make sure that you are supporting yourself by taking strong, consistent action towards what you want and being on the side that works. List three ways you can support yourself towards your goals this week and make them happen
Have a great week!
About Ryan James Lock:
Ryan James Lock is a brand consultant, writer and entrepreneur based in Ibiza. He is the founder of The Ryan James Consultancy, a brand strategy and personal coaching business and the curator of Mung Beans and Champagne-an insiders guide to urban wellness. Ryan is about to launch his online coaching program “Be Your Own Publicist” available from www.theryanjamesconsultancy.com To see more of Ryan’s work like him on Facebook – The Ryan James Consultancy and Mung Beans and Champagne Follow him on Twitter @RyanJamesLock
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