Yes it is true. Unless of course you don’t find it attractive when people are calm, present and listening.
If you ask people what they want most in their relationships they would probably say deep connection. They want to feel seen, heard and safe. When we feel this way we open up deeper and allow ourselves to be witnessed, loved and truly in union. We create new levels of joy, trust and honest connection. Essentially we experience a state of Yoga through relationship.
Think of the last time you were with someone. Were they present to you? Were they checking their email? Watching TV? Rushed? Impatient? Angry?
How did you respond? If it was your partner or lover did you feel attracted to them in this agitated state or want to hit them over the head with your Bhagavad Gita?
We feel happy, relaxed and well “turned on” when someone is kind, patient and loving.
My husband Ian is a fire ball. I love that about him. You know what he thinks and what he feels but there are times his mouth gets him into trouble – with me and others. When I feel he is not listening to me or over-reacting I zip into the sleeping bag of myself and pull away or I lob an a-bomb back at him. And well we are off and running… Lately though, we have both committed to practicing mindfulness with each other. We pause, breathe, notice and then actively decide what is going to come out of our mouth as we are present to what the sensitive points are in each other. We don’t hide or disguise our emotion but we are mindful of it and our own words. Our relationship has never been better.
We all have a variety of emotion and that is all good, however, we must learn to cultivate a presence of mind and a mastery with not over our emotions. I may feel busy but I take the time to be totally present to Ian and not on my phone when we are together. He may feel annoyed but the words don’t need to be razor wire. We are present and present with love.
If you want to improve your relationships – any of them then learn to be present. Yes that’s it – learn to be in the now with your own emotions and in the now with that person. In our super busy, over scheduled, badges of busy world being mindful and presence is the largest gift we can give each other.
Being Present How-To:
- Commit to the People in Your Life – your relationships are really what you live for not your To-Do list or I-phone so create time and space for people and let go of everything else. For me when I am meeting with someone I turn off my phone and turn on my heart. I also have committed to Wednesday nights as date nights with Ian so I can ensure we have time together where there is nothing but each other.
- Breathe – you can only breathe in the NOW and it is a great way to release emotion (before it comes out of your mouth). When I feel emotion arising, I try to notice it. Breathe. Pause and repeat if necessary. Then respond.
- Meditate – Learn techniques to clear your brain and empower your presence. Meditation is a 9,000 year-old practice – it’s still here for a reason. It works!
Learning to focus your mind and open your heart is actually the most important learning you can do. Being calm, present, and happy is one of the sexiest things we can be.
Shasta Townsend is a passionate lover of life, cultivator of possibility and guide to radiant being both on and off the Yoga mat. She is the creator and director of Balanced Life Yoga, a freelance wellness, travel and well-being writer and a leader in grounded transformational spirituality. Her love of freedom and joy and her intention to always expand takes her to fresh and exciting places on the mat and around the globe. She offers group and individual transformation to help people live a life they love. Her own heart-based creation, Balanced Life Yoga is a community of light, transformation and possibility. You can connect with her in class or private sessions there (www.balancedlifeyoga.ca) or on Facebook (and follow her exploits and unfoldings).