She knew he, she, they were lying through their teeth. Unfortunately, the unawareness of her knowing rendered her dumbstruck, stupid and of course, silent. Like a lamb being fattened for slaughter, she sat, listened, sympathized and consoled. When the set-up for her demise, cleverly disguised as a simple request, came slithering across the lips, she forgot everything she knew and did as requested. Good girl. Nice lady. Poor fool! She knew that it would only be a matter of time before she would be right back in the same place; with this same person; listening to another distortion of the truth; acquiescing to another request. She knew that she was destined to repeat this pattern again and again until something unspeakable occurred. When it did, she would go running to one of her girlfriends or trusted advisers, knowing full well that she would not listen to a word they offered.
She knew that she would cry on their shoulder, in shame or outrage, making him or her or them wrong and herself right. She knew that in response to the outrage of being forced to reveal her weaknesses, she would not tell the whole truth. She would tell the juicy parts, provide the salacious aspects of what was said – – how she had been duped, dumped and run over again. She knew that the girlfriend or adviser who knew her intimately would be outraged with her or for her and at some point would tell her exactly what she needed to know and hear. She also knew that she would not hear a word of it. She, as a function of her resistance, would voluntarily be deaf, dumb and blind. And, they knew that she would be that way – – resistant. You see, a woman knows things yet, for various reasons, many of which we know, a woman frequently/ sometimes/ often chooses to ignore what she knows or remain silent about what she knows because . . . knowing can be dangerous.
When a woman doesn’t know that she knows or is afraid of the danger of knowing, she mistakenly believes that other people know more than she knows. In fact, she is prone to believe that they know what she needs to know. Sometimes they do. More often, however, they do not. A woman always knows what she needs to know. Unfortunately her knowing is often buried beneath a thought, feeling, habit, perception, facade, situation, or the simple unwillingness to acknowledge herself, her power and therein, her knowing. When a woman is not willing to admit that she knows what she knows, she will attract people who are willing to support her being used, manipulated, betrayed, dishonored and left bleeding at the side of the road. More importantly, when a woman doesn’t believe that she knows, she will create situations and circumstances to prove how dumb, helpless, dysfunctional, broken, battered, wounded, hopeless and stupid she believes she can be. Of course, this behavior is not a conscious activity. It is habitual. It is a conditioned response. It is the basis of the pain in nearly every woman’s heart. It is a function of refusing to know.
A woman knows that she can, that she must and that it is her responsibility and duty to stand firmly, in her body, as an agent of truth, love, joy and beauty. A woman knows that she doesn’t need money or a man or validation in order to do what she has been authorized, qualified and ordained by God to do. A woman knows how to stand in the face of change, to embrace the chaos of change and how to re-create herself, her life and everyone in her sphere of influence who is interested in being changed. A woman knows that she can be afraid, unsure, alone, rejected, denied, ridiculed and betrayed. She knows that in the end when the light comes on in her soul, it won’t matter one bit what “they” say about her because they are destined to be blinded by the dust of her tracks as she moves easily, effortlessly, gracefully, and with elegance into her true station in life. A woman knows that if she is prayerful, focused, and faithful, all things will come to her as a matter of divine right.
Unfortunately, because most women are not supported or encouraged to embrace this level of knowing, she gets discouraged and goes to sleep, mentally and emotionally.
In our lives as women, we often have a tendency to go to sleep when something very important is going on. This type of sleep does not require pajamas or a bed. We simply get blank. We drop out. It is a form of denial and resistance to standing in and claiming our own power. It is a covert statement to ourselves and to the universe that we choose not to know – – for whatever reason.
Perhaps the information is too overwhelming. Perhaps we feel it is too powerful to take on. Being powerful, for many women, is just one more thing to do. Rather than know what we know and be powerful, we make up something that keeps us comfortable in the dark. We run with the ball with absolutely no idea of where the goal line is or how we are supposed to navigate our way to it. If we are really resistant to knowing our power, knowing ourselves and knowing how to create or re-create our reality, we become victims. Since few of us are eager to admit that we don’t know what we need to know or, that we do know and are simply afraid, we are bound to get caught up in the rapture of making up stories and aimlessly running with the wrong ball, on the wrong playing field, in the wrong game. When we decide to awakens, the game is already over.
A woman knows about changing the game and bending the rules, and how to move the goal line. It’s called mothering, budgeting and being all things to all people. What we women often forget is how to play so that we win. What a woman actually knows in the core of her being, by virtue of her inner wisdom, is that she is stuff that kings and kingdoms are made of. Every king was born through a woman. Unfortunately, we have been taught, told, programmed, conditioned and duped into believing that it is more lady-like to act like we don’t know what we know and who we are from the inside out. As a result, we often devise and concoct many creative and destructive forms of self-denial that costs us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually as we pay the price of falling asleep at critical times in our lives. Then, we get stuck in the pain of the habitual behaviors that diminish our self-value, worth and esteem and we stop believing in ourselves and what we do know.
A woman knows there is a God who loves her. A woman knows there is a divine plan for her life. A woman knows that she is divine and deserving of all the riches of life, including peace, joy, wellness, and well-being. A woman knows that she has talents and gifts that must be shared and that she has knowledge that must be uncovered. A woman knows that she has the answer to most of her own questions and that in most cases, the question is the answer. A woman knows things – – – she just does! What we are learning with every experience we encounter is that it is safe and powerful and divine for us to know what we know.
True knowing requires inner strength, clarity and courage. It requires a willingness to acknowledge and embrace the possibilities and opportunities that come with admitting we know. More importantly, when we learn how to let others know that we know and encourage them to trust what we know, the world, our communities and families will begin to heal. In the end, we will realize that if anything in our minds, hearts, and lives is to change, we must be called out into the light of our knowing. And even more importantly, we will be willing to make changes, by any sacred means necessary, knowing that we can do it. We must do it!
About Iyanla Vanzant:
Iyanla Vanzant, accomplished author, inspirational speaker, talk show host and living testament to the value in life’s valleys and the power of acting on faith, goes behind closed doors and deep inside people’s lives for emotional, riveting conversations in the new hit series- Iyanla: Fix My Life
Iyanla has had a unique life filled with many personal struggles, which she has overcome and used to become stronger. Now, she’s back, helping people fix their lives, using her past to help others’ futures. Secrets will be revealed, truths will be uncovered and emotions will come out as Iyanla teaches us how to pull back the curtain on what is broken in our lives.
Iyanla: Fix My Life is produced by Harpo Studios. Join the conversation on Twitter using #FixMyLife
Read more: http://IyanlaFixMyLife.com/