There I was, minding my business, trying to secure some discount laundry detergent when I was spotted, found out and approached by three sisters who recognized me in spite of my disguise. They were happy to see me. They were grateful for my work. They had a question they had been dying to ask me; “Why are there so many single women?”
They were all single. Most of their friends were single. It was really becoming a major concern for the divorced sister who was 37. The “always have been single and learning to live with it” 34 year-old sister had accepted it as her fate. The 29 year-old there-just-aren’t-any-more-good-men sister was going to adopt children when she was ready, whether she found a man or not.
Neither of them was ready for my response. In fact, two of them concluded that is seems like the woman always gets blamed. Rather than try to convince them one way or the other, I gave them an assignment, for the next 7 days, they were to smile at and greet every man they saw. They were not to take him home or to lunch. They were not to give him their telephone number or engage in any conversation beyond a greeting. Their only task was to smile and say hello, to every man they encountered; regardless of his age, race, appearance or the environment in which they encountered him. I did, however, warn them to exclude men who were in the presence of or, accompanied by another woman. It was not my intention to create street brawls. I left the sisters doubled over in laughter as I escaped.
The mind has a habit of forming and holding thought forms in response to how it perceives the world. Once the mind has formed a thought or a particular train of thoughts, it becomes resistant to accepting any other way of processing information. In other words, once you think a thing, it will be challenging at best, painful in most instances, to change the way you think about a person, a thing or an experience. What I offered to the sisters, that they received as an indictment against them is that they are alone because they think they should be alone. They are alone because they have entertained, nurtured and focused on the thought that they will be alone. They are alone because they are afraid to be alone and, at the same time, afraid not to be alone. They are alone because somewhere in the recesses of their minds, there is a community of thoughts breeding the experience of “alone-ness” in their lives.
The good news is that this same principle applies to everyone and every experience. The not so good news is the same. The only problem any person encounters when it comes to having the experience they desire is what they think and how they think. Unfortunately, because most of what we think is unconscious, it is hard to accept that your problem mind is your mind.
I could go on and on about the power of thought, however, you have probably heard or read most of what I could offer you. Rather than dragging us both down that path and confronting resistance and disagreement, I will offer you another possibility. If there is something you really desire in your life, no matter what it is, learn how to be okay without it. When I say okay I mean learn how to have joy, experience peace and live with total contentment knowing that you will never have the thing you desire. Learn how to release the anger, sadness, fear, bitterness, resentment and anything else that you might experience knowing you will never have it. The ultimate test is when you can feel happy for and bless anyone else who has what you want. The moment you can do that, the object of your desire will probably show up. Why? Because you will have so much peace and joy within you, that the thing you desire will show up to bring you more of what you are and what you have. Sounds crazy, right?
The mind is the only problem we have in every situation and circumstance. What you focus on grows even when you are not aware of your focus. You cannot fool the mind into believing what you don’t believe or creating what you fear. Why are so many women alone? For the same reason so many men are alone. My sense and experience is that we fear the very thing we desire – – closeness, intimacy and having exactly what we desire. We fear being vulnerable. We fear being hurt – – again. We fear making the same mistakes we made before. We fear being disappointed and being taken advantage of. We fear being left, not being good enough and, we fear not being enough. For many of the same reasons many people experience lack and failure. We fear being a demonstration of personal power. More often than not we fear responsibility, accountability, being seen, heard or proven wrong. The thing we fail to realize is that the only place fear exists is in the mind. If you were to die today and the coroner were to perform an autopsy, there would be no indication of fear anywhere in your body. Fear exists only in the mind and that, my Beloveds, is the problem.
This Week’s Reading:
The Golden Key Prayer
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This week’s Meditation:
About Iyanla Vanzant:
Iyanla Vanzant, accomplished author, inspirational speaker, talk show host and living testament to the value in life’s valleys and the power of acting on faith, goes behind closed doors and deep inside people’s lives for emotional, riveting conversations in the new hit series- Iyanla: Fix My Life
Iyanla has had a unique life filled with many personal struggles, which she has overcome and used to become stronger. Now, she’s back, helping people fix their lives, using her past to help others’ futures. Secrets will be revealed, truths will be uncovered and emotions will come out as Iyanla teaches us how to pull back the curtain on what is broken in our lives.
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