Imagine being so full of love that no matter how much you gave, there was always more than enough, and any love you received was just icing on the cake. That’s exactly what happens when you learn to experience the pure unconditional love inside you–what I call Love for No Reason, the kind of love that doesn’t depend on another person, situation, or romantic partner.
My guess is that you’ve had glimpses of this state, those “peak love experiences” when your heart was open and flowing, when you didn’t need anyone or anything to be different, when you felt a strong sense of well-being. Growing in unconditional love means experiencing this more and more of the time.
While writing my latest book, Love for No Reason, I put this new way of looking at love to the test, using it in a difficult emotional situation with my ex-husband, Sergio. Even though I was no longer living with him, I still loved him dearly and deeply missed his presence in my life.
One day, hanging up the phone after a conversation with him, I felt the pain and loss of not being together anymore. Even though I knew our parting was the best for both of us, I was feeling so much love for him and my heart was aching with longing for him. I felt as if I had to shut down the feeling of love because I thought it would hurt too much.
Okay, I thought, I’m writing this book about Love for No Reason. All the experts I’ve interviewed have told me that love is who we are and that I can experience that love inside myself whenever I want. Let me give it a whirl.
Closing my eyes, I told myself, This feeling I have for Sergio—it’s my love. It’s coming from me. So I’m going to just sit here and feel it.
And I did. I really let my love flow, savoring the sweetness of that experience in my own heart. If my attention started focusing on Sergio and the fact that we weren’t together, I’d gently bring it back to my experience of love. That love was coming from me – it was mine. I could feel it regardless of who was with me or not with me. And it actually helped a lot. Normally, the pangs of loss and sadness would have stayed with me for hours, but within five minutes of just letting myself feel my own love for no reason—I felt better.
This experience reminded me of something a spiritual teacher of mine used to say: “I love you and it’s no concern of yours.” When I first heard the phrase at age 17, I was puzzled by it, but now I appreciate its profound message. The love that we think is for anyone or anything outside of ourselves is really just our own love.
When you learn how to access Love for No Reason at will, instead of looking for love outside yourself, you’re able to bring love to every situation. You stop being a love beggar and become a love philanthropist, dispensing love, kindness, and goodwill wherever you go.
This simple but profound shift will create remarkable changes in every area of your life. It will improve your health, your relationships, and your success and satisfaction at work. Instead of feeling a little hungry all the time—for love, security, more stuff, more recognition, more everything—you’ll feel full and complete. It will affect how you show up in every moment. In fact, though your life might not depend on making this shift, the quality of your life does. When you live in Love for No Reason your world turns from black-and-white to dazzling Technicolor.
About Marci Shimoff: Based on the NY Times bestseller Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love (Free Press, 2010) which offers a breakthrough approach to experiencing a lasting state of unconditional love—the key to lasting joy and fulfillment in life. Marci is also author of the NY Times bestseller Happy for No Reason and co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul series. To order Love for No Reason and get the bonus gift package free, go to www.TheLoveBook.com and follow Marci on Facebook @ MarciShimoffFan.