There are times when you make a decision and struggle with the outcome in your mind. You go back and forth like a pingpong ball, saying yes and no alternatively. Then you feel stuck and when you do make a decision, you think about whether it was the right one. This causes you to use and loose a lot of personal energy and can make you feel confused and conflicted. Some scenarios are:
•You need a vacation but feel guilty for taking the time off and say no even though you know that this is a great opportunity. You reason that this is the wrong time and it’s something new and out of your comfort zone.
•You have tickets to an event and an opportunity to be with great friends, but hesitate to go because this is not the type of event you attend and you worry that others will judge us.
•You are invited to be with a group which includes some people who are difficult. You want to go but are concerned that those people will ruin your time with the others you enjoy.
•You are ready to pass up going out with good friends because you’ve had a bad day and feel depressed.
Here are the questions to ask yourself:
What is underneath our saying no – what is the deeper reason?
Are you bothered by what others will say or think?
Does this bring up something from the past that didn’t work?
Are you afraid of losing control if we say yes?
Are you afraid we may loose out if we say no?
Are you creating possible negative outcomes before you play out the situation?
If so, here are some ways to reconcile your worries and concerns:
Ask these next set of questions:
Will doing this be safe and keep me out of harm’s way?
Is this an opportunity to learn something new?
Is this an opportunity to have fun and joy?
Can this open a new door in my life?
Am I stuck in old images and tapes in my head that do not serve me?
Can I stand up for myself and be true to myself?
If the answer to all of these questions is yes, rethink the doubts and fears.
Imagine being in the present moment and being open to what is here now without carrying the baggage of the past and the what-if’s. If some of the answers are no and the images you have still bring up doubts, then it may be wise to do something else. But if you can get past the doubts and see the benefits that outweigh them, then it’s time to jump in.