A lot of times we might want to call someone and that person does not pick up the call. You call again and they still don’t pick up the call. Now imagine doing this for another 7 times. How does that make you feel? Now imagine if that person was a special someone to you; a partner/lover. Notice the difference in how you feel? They don’t want to talk to you, right? Something happened to them, right? They don’t like you anymore, right? WRONG!
There are various moments like these where we start to take things personally. And I mean personally! At any given circumstance where we feel that the outcome we are looking for is out of our hands we start to immediately link pain to the process and convince ourselves that we are the problem.
I remember very vividly a long time ago during the days when I was actively taking part in the Seduction Community as a man who wanted to be a “Pickup Artist“. There were days where I would practice the second stage after getting a girl’s phone number and text/call her, commonly known as “Phone Game”, and follow a system/style of talking or texting that would provoke her in a certain way (preferably positive) into responding back so that our interaction from the previous evening would escalate the attraction level. (I know this sounds all mumbo jumbo, but I highly recommend that you understand the point of the story before your thoughts are directed somewhere else.) Now one of the many things the people in the community focus on is keeping your cool even if the girl never gives you a response. What most men did, including myself, is react vigorously to the fact that the girl is NOT responding to MY CALL/SMS which I put EFFORT into. Notice the way I have constructed that thought with the emphasis on certain keywords because this is exactly what went through my mind every single time I never received a response. I remember feeling so frustrated and angry to the point that I took the whole thing very personally whether they have responded with what I did NOT expect (that is, a long SMS or a good conversation over the phone) or not. What was very surprising – and ego fulfilling – that most of the time these girls turned out to be either busy with something or away from their telephones to even respond!
You must understand that the reason you feel that way during circumstances where the outcome did not meet the expectations you had all along is almost never tied up to who you are, something you have or could have done, and/or even what you have with that person or situation. Relax. Take a deep breath. There are ways to do this and get out of that self inflicted dilemma.
Take a deep breath
Well you might ask “how in the world does taking a deep breath help? Why does everyone tell me to breathe??”. Simple: Breathing brings forth your state of conscious awareness and takes you away from all the mental paths you go down that lead to a state of uncertainty. Relax. Take a deep breath. Notice your breathing.
Review the PRESENT MOMENT
Once you have stepped into the present moment, you are now able to free your mind from associations to painful thoughts or insecurities. Look around and feel the life within you. Continue to do this while remembering to be grateful for what you have now.
Accept & Forgive
We all have different paths in life. We all live differently. We all cannot change or take control over people’s circumstances or lives. These 3 statements are important as they truly resemble the facts behind what we call LIFE. You must accept that what ever happens right now has nothing to do with you. You have done your part with conviction and will use this moment to learn; that is, create new possibilities (NOT beat yourself up for what you have or could have done).
Embrace what comes forth
A lot of our thoughts and insecurities arise from the beginning of fear that we will lose something or someone. It is simply a moment of resistance to what is coming forth in our lives. Embrace that moment and welcome it into you. Ask yourself if resisting/accepting will serve you towards your growth.
Change your expectations
Expectations are merely means of channeling conditions towards the end result which is the outcome after performing an action. If you are aware that what ever your actions result in and the outcome has not been achieved, then shift your expectations towards something more meaningful and pleasurable to you.
And always remember that any thought and association that convinces you that you’re not as good as you think you are, then it is your conditioned your mind, that is, your ego pretending to be you. Befriend it instead of resisting it. Don’t take your ego personally.